Awkwafina
Awkwafina (born June 2, 1988) is an American actress, rapper, comedian, and gamer. Authoritative information states that she is the nation's funniest performer. Her rap songs have become huge hits, appearing on various alarm clocks, YouTube videos with no dislikes, and in psychological warfare. She has performed miracles, including inducing listeners to rise out of wheelchairs to shut the radio off. Her songs have particular appeal to the deaf, some of whom place their hands on the speakers to feel the humorous vibrations.
Some discredited detractors laugh at her and not with her. They insist that her "real" name is Nora Lum and Awkwafina is actually a brand of bottled water. They will probably never be happy.
Beginnings[edit | edit source]
Awkwafina, like many A-listed actors, started out in the dirty streets of Los Angeles, where at she was looked down upon along with the rest of those poor people who inject themselves with unprescribed medications and lacked basic potty training. Criminals were a common problem for her, with the police focused on lecturing people to "Don't drop orange peels on the ground even though they will decay over time," and "Don't set up tents; there is plenty of sleeping room on the ground and in trash cans." Once, a criminal cornered Awkwafina. Her only defense was to rap about how criminals suck. She was arrested on the spot for disorderly conduct, but a music studio took notice and hired her as a rapper because they wanted money felt sorry for her. From here on, Awkwafina would gain the attention of movie studios for her victimhood talented rapping, landing her roles in hit movies. Now she can annoy police officers from their radio.
Magnum opuses[edit | edit source]
Crazy Dave & Asians[edit | edit source]
The plot is about a CRAAAAAZZZYYYY botanist who tries mutating bok choi into real-life waifus. Instead, he ends up creating snotty Asian people with a rich desire to become millionaires. Awkwafina played the Fume-shroom who sprayed the naked Asians with bubble foam and fought back nausea.
Raya and the Last Dragon[edit | edit source]
The movie is about a dragon named Sisu (voice-acted by Awkwafina), the last of her kind. A young teenager named Raya becomes a sexologist to create dragon sperm so Sisu can reproduce, Raya and her people are desperate for more dragon slaves. The main antagonist is this terrorist in the movie called Namari who wants to take over the world and evil stuff. During the making of the movie, Awkwafina was devoured by Sisu herself because Namari couldn't find any more human sacrifices for Disney. Good thing Sisu used her magical dragon powers to somehow defy science and revive Awkwafina, your grandmother, and the guy who invented science.
Shang-Chi: Please Buy My Movie!!![edit | edit source]
This one centers around a self-absorbed Kung Fu master, obviously named Shang-Chi, always bragging at how good he is at Taekwondo. He embarks on a journey to the west coast of Asia to search for a soul-eating monster spirit that ate all his onion rings. A stereotypical Chinese Dragon who answers to "Mr. Quan-ling-ling-dingle" agrees to help Shang-Chi get his onion rings back. Awkwafina plays Shang-Chi's best friend, Katie, who somehow becomes a master archer after ten seconds of training.
The Bad Guys Who Become Good After Prison[edit | edit source]
Another animated feature this time made by Disney's predator, DreamWorks, centers around a group of thieves who are anthro-animals living in a world dominated by intelligent apes called humans. There is Mr. Wolfsensburg, the wolf leader of the gang who comes up with the best ideas of how to steal and seduce women. Mr. Wonderful, he's a literal shark living in a tank trying to come up with the best pyramid schemes to trick investors and Egyptians. Petey Pirahna Fish, he can somehow walk with his fins and breath without the need of water. He is considered to be the most powerful of the group, possessing great powers handed down from Satan himself. He wastes that power however on trash talking people and stealing candy from babies. Mrs. Tarantula (Voice-acted by Awkwafina) is a professional doxxer, hacker, and game crasher. She relies solely on the internet for criminal activity, relying on the others to pay her internet fees, making everyone hate her. Only a footstep is enough to send her to hell. And finally, Mr. Rattlebutt is a venomous rattlesnake that likes making false bomb and death threats to make people go away. To assassinate targets, he slithers up their ass to claim their soul.
The Little Mermaid[edit | edit source]
Awkwafina starred as Scuttle in the 2023 live-action remake of the 1989 cartoon, whose budget was enough bigger to rely on CGI to make the movie work.
Ever since Ariel's mom died, her daddy began a conquest of flirting with every mermaid he could find, often getting reminded that you can't have multiple wives. (This is the only explanation why all his children look so different.) He also tried flirting with Ursula, but found out she was married to Squidward. The movie centers around Ariel wanting to marry prince Eric, that's what she wants him to think, she actually really wants to flop-flop to his castle and burn it down in the name of justice. Ursula (played by Guy Fury) hates Ariel because she is evil, was born evil, was destined to be evil, and God made her evil. Awkwafina wore a seagull costume; her only voice lines were "SQUACK SQAUCK SQUACK". Critics raved that her performance gave realism to the Scuttle character.
Trivia[edit | edit source]
Heavy Weapons Guy from the hit hat-trading simulator Team Fortress 2 supposedly says the word "Awkwafina" in his voice lines. In fact, what he said was, "ACK WHAT A FACK EEEEEEE A SPY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA."