Ammonia rain

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Ammonia rain is a common form of precipitation that tends to appear in the southwestern United States, the Sahara desert, and in much of the Gobi desert region, with episodes of ammonia rain even occurring as far south as India. Ammonia rain (not to be confused with ammonium rain, which tends to occur on other planets and miniature planets like Venus and Pluto) is one of the basic forms of precipitation that can be observed on Earth, along with ammonia snow, lye snow, hydroxide rain and the famous Beginner's All-purpose Symbolic Instruction Code rains of the 1970s and 1980s.

Historical Background[edit | edit source]

Ammonia rain was first observed by the Egyptians, who, after having just suffered the 10 plagues that forced them to let the Israelites leave, were struck by a natural storm of ammonia rain, which burned those stupid enough not to stay inside their houses. This particular incident in ancient Egyptian history caused a great deal of confusion to early archeologists, who could not understand what kind of natural "11th" plague would fit the description given by ancient Egyptian texts until the Duke of Wellington made the first scientific documentation of the event in India (see next paragraph).

Ammonia rain was later observed by Lord Ammon Iya, the Duke of Wellington, Great Britain in 1809 while traveling in India. Iya was working on creating a compound powerful enough to clean his bathroom with, when he noticed that people who were in the rain had started to scream. He recorded the incident in his journal:

I was working on my new cleaning solution, when I looked up to see the locals running around screaming in the rain. I had previously thought that perhaps such an event was a tribal ceremony, or tradition of some sort, when my serving man came in to inform me that the water that fell from the heavens was burning the poor townsfolk. Taking my note pad and protective gear, I ventured out into the rain, only to be stopped dead by the hideous smell of rotting eggs and because my parasol was melting right before my eyes. As the rain soaked my clothes, I began to feel a slight burning sensation and a bitterness in my mouth, but I paid no mind as it was absolutely necessary for science that I record the event for posterity, who wouldn't have the brain power to record it themselves. However, once my pad and pen began to disintegrate, I decided that it was time for me to get the hell out of there.

Lord Ammon Iya on Precipitation that Hurts People: How I Lost My Skin in India

Scientists have since begun to identify other places affected by Ammonia rain, as well as identify other types of basic rain since these initial, anecdotal occurrences. For example, it is speculated that a mixture of ammonia and sodium hydroxide rain began to mix with a natural pool of hydrochloric acid that had formed in what is now Utah, eventually expanding to the size of a lake at the time the first Mormon expeditions arrived. Also, the Gobi desert is repeatedly blasted with basic rain, which makes life there a miserable existence, along with the unbearable cold and general lack of civilization.

As could probably be guessed by people with higher IQs than those of household plants, Ammonia rain can also come in snow, sleet and beaker form, the latter being a particular nuisance to scientists, who hate to see concentrated ammonia wasted as precipitation.

Science Behind Ammonia Rain[edit | edit source]

Ammonia rain is partially psychological and partially chemical in nature.

Chemical[edit | edit source]

Ammonia rain is a result of ammonia gas, which is less dense than air, rising far enough into the atmosphere such that it, due to its strong hydrogen bonds, liquefies itself. These particles of concentrated ammonia then cling to the particles of water at high altitudes, creating the diluted version that often appears in the United States and India, or freezes on the ice particle as seen in the Gobi desert region. This ammonia saturated precipitation then falls to earth as normal precipitation does, which is obvious to anyone with half a brain.

Psychological[edit | edit source]

Ammonia tends to appear due to bad feelings and emotions, which accumulate on the body as a substance known as sweat. Those people who are constantly negative and unhelpful to society, like goths or Debbie Downer, secrete the worst sweat, probably because anything decent or proper like deodorant and bathing is anathema to them. This form of perspiration often smells just like rotten eggs (as ammonia does), and tends to drive away other people, worsening their self esteem issues and creating plenty of liquid ammonia that can evaporate and rise high enough to cling to ice particles (see above). Currently, the National Congressional Scientific Institute for the Wasting of Taxpayer Money (also known as the Environmental Protection Agency) is wrapping up a 20 year study on how the amount and smell of perspiration can be an indicator of emotions in humans, citing research on how athletes and business executives are often never happy, and especially not when while working.

Unique Properties[edit | edit source]

Although people who tend to go play in ammonia rain and snow tend to also get burned, as if that wasn't immediately obvious (see the Duke of Wellington), there have been recorded cases of unusual incidents where people were able to actually play in the snow and rain because the effect of the ammonia had been completely neutralized. One such example is the case of Palmdale, which recently received a massive dose of ammonia snow, but whose populace was protected from the chemical nature of the snow because the nearby Joshua trees apparently create a neutralizing field that forced the dangerous chemical into dormancy. Similar unique effects have been observed in the Sahara, where the snow remained on several dunes for months due to a pair of sun glasses that had been left in that area by Oscar Wilde on one of his circumnavigational trips. The sun glasses were analyzed and found to have a "cooling" effect that had preserved the snow even during the most intense periods of desert heat.