All my base are belong to me

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The public broadcast message

“All your base are belong to us”

~ CATS on ownership of all base

“No fucking way!”

~ someone on defiance of previous statement

All My Base Are Belong to Me (also known as AMBABM or simply AMB) was a statement of pure defiance first uttered by a completely unknown person. Such degree of non-violent resistance had never been witnessed before, not even at college protests or, god forbid, Woodstock.

The drama unfolds[edit]

In AD 2101 war was beginning. CATS, who usually contained his criminal activities to robbing small-town jewelers and misquoting Oscar Wilde, decided to attempt something much more drastic. At the time, the commodity of base was the most imported and exported trade good in the galactic sector. CATS reasoned that by taking control of said commodity and monopolizing it, the entire infrastructure of the inter-galactic economy would collapse on itself, leading to a widespread Great Depression.

As soon as the infamous CATS first uttered the dreaded words of All your base are belong to us, the majority of the universe quickly accepted its fate, as the loss of a base wasn't really all that bad for most. The way they saw it, they still had porn, alcohol, and tea to enjoy. Bases were seen as a luxury that most could live without.

However, for much of the proletariat, a base was all they had in their meager possession. The loss of this precious object would result in total economic devastation for the unfortunate working class.

The inhumane nature of this crime proved to be too much for the man who brought this epic drama to its climax by uttering...

The statement[edit]

All my base are belong to me.

It is now unknown who said these words that would change history as we know it.

To say such valiancy in the face of imminent, approaching doom while the strongest minds and spirits had immediately bent to ruthlessness and injustice is nothing short of heroic. This statement is now widely regarded as the greatest thing that anyone has ever said.

The reasoning[edit]

The revolutionary may have looked like this.

At first glance, it seems completely, utterly insane for a man of such small standing to oppose the great authority of CATS, which was backed up by a war machine with the capability to destroy several star systems. But as history has proven many times, the great revolutionaries of the world didn't just stand by and watch as their property and their livelihood was viciously ripped from them by oppressive tyrants, DID THEY?

Perhaps this man was merely trying to make a difference. Maybe the statement just slipped out of his mouth in shock, disbelief, and disgust. Or maybe he was drunk. But it paved the way to...

Revolution[edit]

Do NOT fuck with the Death Stars.

Unintentionally, the man transmitted the statement to several neighboring planets immediately after CATS broadcast the intergalactic message regarding base commodity ownership. The planets that received the message consisted mainly of dissatisfied proletarians who worked in dingy factories. Base was all they had. However, nearly none of them had the will or technology to oppose the fleet of CATS's Death Stars.

This presented a problem. The spirit of the revolution had been implanted in the people, yet the resources to defeat the swiftly advancing oppression were unavailable. After all, all they had was base...

A mastermind of engineering from planet Tatooine figured out a way to use a base as an offensive, kamikaze weapon. Desperate revolutionaries strapped explosives to their base and by using space buses delivered the explosive load to the hulls of the Death Stars.

This caused enormous frustration for CATS. Not only did it reduce the amount of base that he would ultimately possess, his Death Stars were being shot down by blue-collar rebels with space buses!

“Situation causes this me great embarassment”

~ CATS on The guerilla effort

These revolutionaries were among the bravest souls recorded in all of galactic history. While billions worked overtime at factories manufacturing the space-buses for over 20 hours a day, the retired pilots opened up training centers for the eager young kamikazes. The kamikazes themselves were incredibly efficient, with the record being set by THREE Death Stars destroyed by a single pilot. For the first Death Star, he dropped the explosive base onto the precise spot of structural weakness. After the spacecraft exploded, he bravely flew his space-bus into the control room of the second Death Star, where he activated the conveniently placed Self-Destruct Button. Before he was shot by a high-powered laser rifle, he killed 19 crew members with his bare hands. A third Death Star, which was located over eight million miles away, exploded from the sheer level of awesomeness given off by this heroic feat.

Three years passed, and the number of Death Stars in CATS's fleet had dwindled down to one. In addition, the amount of base in the galactic sector had dropped down to about 11% of the original. This caused the price of base to skyrocket.

The last Death Star was making a routine patrol when it found a planet that hadn't yet been assaulted. The captain decided to make one last effort to obtain at least a small amount of base. However, when the spacecraft scanned the surface of the planet, it picked up something totally unexpected...

The starter of the revolution.

Repercussions[edit]

The hero was in his basement enjoying a glass of fine wine with the top guerilla leaders, discussing the success of the resistance, when he was informed that his planet was under Death Star attack.

Several fleets of the top planetary pilots assembled to destroy the threat, but the Death Star's gunners were too accurate, and not a single space-bus managed to reach its target. The Death Star then annihalated the planet with a Death Ray, killing the nameless hero and the top guerilla leaders.

The captain of the ship was later fired and decapitated by CATS for intentional destruction of base.

The Legacy[edit]

The resistance was a painful three year process, in which most of the proletariat sacrificed themselves trying to defend what they believed in. The effort was a success, with most base being destroyed and the fleet of Death Stars annihalated.

As for the phrase that started it all, it has been immortalized in the survivors' memories. It has come to represent the renegade spirit of all revolutionaries and the powerful, instinctual desire to fight unjust oppression. The man who started it all is a legend in galactic sectors far and wide.

CATS said at the beginning of his invasion that to survive, they would have to make their time. But space-buses, explosive base, and unparalleled heroism seemed to do the job as well.

See also[edit]