Wheeling Jesuit University/People/Prophet Jessica
Prophet Jessica was Wheeling Jesuit University's only certified prophet and director of the Office of Multicultural Affairs for many years until a mysterious time shift caused her to vanish from our thread of consciousness entirely. Her journeys into the psychic realm were largely kept a secret until they were fully uncovered and revealed to the public by COSBI. Unfortunately, her Paypal account is no longer active, so you can no longer send her generous donations.
Prophet Jessica earned a great deal of infamy through her website, which is now closed. Some claim that she never was a prophet but simply a hack in the business for the money. Still, others claimed that she was set up by a clone and was never meant to look bad. The official word from the WJU Board of Governors continues to be "bite me".
According to authoritative sources, Prophet Jessica gained her prophetic powers after she met with Pope John Paul II - "met" meaning that she was one of millions of people who turned out to see him riding in the invincible Popemobile. After that, she was a changed woman, and promised to use her psychic gifts for the good of humanity - but for a reasonable price, of course. She frequently ties in her promotions with numerous Internet shopping sites. These sites are obviously run by her loyal followers.
Predictions[edit | edit source]
Of course, Prophet Jessica has made many predictions. Like most good prophets, she has predicted the end of the world three times: once in 1997, once in 1998, and an upcoming one in 4110. Regarding this latest prediction, she claims that she "carried the wrong 6" when receiving the message from the Astral Plane. She has predicted two campus plagues: a plague of kudzu in 1972, which did not happen, and a plague of cats in 1985, which almost happened when a semi full of cats overturned just in front of Greco's. Thanks to The Back Gate, only 3 of the 68,094 cats made it onto university soil. Nevertheless, the Board of Governors used the "cat outbreak" as an excuse to increase tuition by another 7%.
She predicted that Wheeling would be the next site for a NASA launch pad, which never happened. She also predicted that Idi Amin would come to Oglebay to die. Although Idi Amin did die, he did it in the comfort of his orange crates and not where she suggested. Prophet Jessica correctly predicted an outbreak of syphillis in T-More, but it was bound to happen anyway and doesn't really count as a prediction.
In 1993, she predicted that Wheeling Jesuit University was about to cease operation permanently. The closest the university has ever come to termination was the Kathy Mattea concert. Other than that, the university is in mostly good health. Mostly.