User:Whoblah/Gary F. Felasco

Wouldn't trust him with my money

Gary F. Felasco (The F. stands for shithead) is the current Treasurer of Lawrence County, PA. Recently, Gary 'Shithead' Felasco has been accused of stealing more than $6,000 from the Association of the Wolves. When Gary was asked what the hell he could have spent that money on (you know, being a very poor treasurer and all) he revealed that he had bought two Asian sex slave Midgets, and had kept the rest for retirement.

The Early Years

Those who knew Gary during his early years recall him as 'The neighborhood beach ball'. The kids would spend hours upon hours tossing his fat, untrustworthy ass into the air, and usually not catching him (on purpose). This forced Gary to abandon his home, and live with a pack of rabid French Mechanics. The French people raised him as their own, and taught him how to repair cars, and, among other things, burn sheep and run from germans.

The Years after the Early Years

Felasco left his pack in 1912, to get a job as a Mechanic. He found it difficult to blend in with his alcohol ridden co-workers, as he constantly smelled like onions and cigarettes (like most french people), and was constantly picked on around the garage. Then in 1914 while walking home and recovering from a dog mauling earlier that week, he realized that the perfect job for him was that of a Treasurer. Felasco contemplated that all Treasurers were lazy french bastards like him and almost none of them had heard of deodorant. Over the next few years he learned how to fool people into believing he was not French, and that he showered every day. Gradually he made an excellent public image and was voted in as treasurer.