User:TheAxis/Absolute Value

The Absolute Value function. Yeah, I don't get it either

The factual accuracy of this article is absolutely indisputable.

Who are you going to trust: this Uncyclopedia article, or your lying eyes?

---

The absolute value function is a branch of mathematics that is completly useless.

History

The absolute value function was created in 325 AD by 'famous' Italian mathematician Antonio Numero. After a horrific accident during his childhood, Antonio devolped Neganumeriophobia, a fear of negative numbers. Despite much risk to his own personal health, he dedicated his professional life to creating a valid mathematical formula which would remove negative numbers from existance. After 10 years of research and development, he finally created the "un-negative" function (see image, right).

The un-negative function was renamed the "absolute value" function in 1714, after German mathematician Hans Ubernschlimar discovered it was absolutly usless. Incidently, this was the same reason why he chose to re-name it the absolute value function.

“Why absolute? Because it's absolutly uselss!”

~ Hans Ubernschlimar on the Absolute Value function

All of Antonio's work was, unfortunatly, in vein. Following what is known in mathematical history as the Renaissance of Graping Transformations in 1894, the absolute value function was given negative numbers. By it's very nature, the absolute value function can be graphed. Thus, following the changes to mathematics that took place after the events of 1894, the absolute value function could be placed into negative territory and be given negative numbers (see below).

Mathematical Application

In it's most basic form, the absoulte value function removes the negative of anything inside of it. For example;

$\mid -4\;\mid \ =4$