User:EricIsOnFire/Poison

Poison is a healthy, nutritious, delicious drink that is, no doubt, totally safe for your consumption. You should definitely try it. Who am I kidding? Drink it, hit shit motherfuckers! Poison WILL KILL YOU. AVOID CONSUMPTION AT ALL TIMES. Or drink it. Your choice.

The Poison Warning.

Previous version (deleted in FFW 2011)

Maybe you were looking for Poison Ivy or pot noodles.

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KEEP OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN.

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No, not that kind of poison.

“I wanna taste you but your lips are venomous poison!!!”

~ Alice Cooper on Poison

“Ages 5-”

~ China on Poison

“ Cyanide is completely safe (not poison)”

~ Oscar Wilde

Skull and crossbones: POISON!!!!!!

A cool, refreshing soda. The most obvious way to poison yourself.

Bread: A hidden source of poison.

Poison is a name given to substances in order to protect its makers from liability. The substances may or may not be truly dangerous. But if the makers do not call it poison, they can get sued, and they would lose an awful lot of money. So by calling something poison, they are saving their souls. Fortunately, our nanny society labels everything as poison - keep your kids in doors!

Things we call poison

There are many thing we call poison. These include:

• Windex
• Ajax
• Motor oil
• Shaving cream
• Lysol
• Top Job
• ChemLawn
• Shoe polish
• Roach spray

Poison in food

Poison is found in all our food. Everything we eat contains poison. Yes. When you eat, you are poisoning yourself.

Here are some of the poisons you find in your food:

• Insecticide: From the moment those crops grow, a crop duster is lurking above and poison is in business.
• Beef: You never know what goes into that meat if you don't process it yourself. Being a vegetarian is not much safer either.
• Cucumbers: Don't go near them. They are waxed!!!!!!
• Lemons: They are not really yellow. They are GREEN on the tree. They are artificially colored!!!!!
• Dried fruits: What are they preserved with? SULFUR DIOXIDE!!!!!!!!!
• Potato chips: Deep fried. Soaked in salt. What's next.
• Big waist: Forget about that Big Gulp from 7-11. Found in your cereal, your bread, your jam. And don't you dare go near that ice cream. Also found in ketchup, but if you are having those french fries or that burger it comes with, the damage should have been done a long time ago.
• Margarine: Is it really better than butter?
• Soup: Do you really like that Campbell's? Is soup really good food?
• Milk: Milk comes from cows!!! Do you KNOW what cows eat?!?!?! They eat their own poop! Which is also why chocolate milk is brown....
• Water: 99% of all people who died of cancer in 1997 drank water on a regular basis.