User:Palladmial/Giddiness
Please do not edit the following article; although the author has every intent in completing it, he has done too much laughing from both composing the page and reading other parts of Uncyclopedia for reference. Please refrain any desire to modify it until it is completed. See above box.
Also, he's still working on an alternative to the gay jokes (Uncyclopedia: How To Be Funny And Not Just Stupid), although they make him laugh as is. Again, this will most likely be revised when the author revisits this page (which hopefully no one should run across, since nothing links here).
Giddiness is defined by the dictionary as being a combination of two things: being dizzy, and being happy. The resulting combination is a form of uncontrollable happiness that gives everyone nearby a headache and growing irritation of the person being giddy. The opposite of giddiness is bitterness.
History[edit | edit source]
The term 'giddiness' was first used by the Romans to describe that distinct pleasure that occurred from killing nomads. It was subsequently picked up by the neighboring nomads to describe that distinct pleasure that occurred from killing the Romans. After the Romans fell, however, it quickly fell out of usage, and has largely survived through its use in various translations of archaic texts, surrealist literature, and families with too much time on their hands.
The modern clinical view of giddiness was started in the Renaissance, when merchants and tradesmen suddenly realized that acting giddily would severely hurt their business, and often themselves. After giddiness was found to be contagious, mental institutions were quickly started in an attempt to confine all people found to have this condition; however, around the 20th century, several nitwits believed that such institutions were 'harmful' to these individuals, and gradually began to close down these institutions and revise their regulations to make them more lenient to giddy people. Due to the strong immunity giddy people have to anything other than torture, these changes have allowed such people to thrive and infect a huge part of Western society.
It should be noted that as mental asylums were gradually being shut down and giddy people began to spread throughout the world, the number of illegal drugs, premature births, worldwide conflicts, mass murder sprees, and direct-to-video films have sharply increased.
The word 'giddy' is closely related to the word 'gay', and, in the early days, was often used interchangeably, hence resulting in its tendency to be found in gay people.
Characteristics[edit | edit source]
Some common characteristics of giddiness include:
- Maniacal or senile laughter
- Babbling incoherently
- Crying for no reason
- Rapid changes in emotion
- Constant smiling
- Total lack of rational thought
- Being invited to a late-night show
- A clumsy walk, run, or jog (probably the reason for being invited to the aforementioned late-night show)
- Total inability to understand hatred or negative reaction
- Having an article about oneself on Uncyclopedia
Common victims[edit | edit source]
Giddiness has been classified as a highly infectious social disease that has been known to be very virulent in the following groups of people:
In addition, the disease can be contracted by exposure to the following non-human elements:
- Dolphins
- Yappy dogs
- Cartoons, especially anime
- Money
- Science fiction conventions
- Sugar
- Caffeine
- Robin Williams
- Huge doomsday devices
- Your imagination
Social effects[edit | edit source]
In addition to the above physical effects, giddiness has been found to lower chances of fertility, manliness, work ethic, realistic expectations, cancer, paralysis, stress, a large number of diseases... ahem, femininity, ability to get rich, privacy, literacy, chances of getting into Heaven, nearby depressed people, suicide, pessimism, believing that your death will result in the total oblivion of your soul and your self-identity and that the world will quickly forget about your futile and pointless existence which will consequently mean that every living second of your existence has not only been in complete vain but also has been a most laughable attempt to contribute to the overall structure and well-being of human society, and winning at poker.
House parties, weddings, films, and funerals have often been ruined by the sole presence of an excessively giddy person.
Certain people, particularly those who have been traumatized and emo-tized, have been shown to withstand up to seventeen giddy people in laboratory conditions. Of course, those guys are also creeps, so that does no good to saving the world's population.
Curing giddiness[edit | edit source]
There are a variety of cures that have been found to be 100% effective at curing giddiness:
- Jumping into a live volcano
- Bathing in hydrochloric acid
- Eating TNT
- Attacking a shark
- Playing chicken on the railroad tracks
- Looking into the Ark of the Covenant
- Flamethrowers
- Using a hair dryer in the shower
- A year with Simon Cowell