User:Heck no techno/HowTo: Be "All That" In High School
Hey, you!
Yes, you, the pathetic loser with oily skin and low self-esteem!
So, you want to be "All That" and a bag of chips, eh? Well, don't just stand there- do something about it, you lazy fuck!
First, you'll need to decide what clique you want to attach yourself to and leech off the "cool" factor.
High School Kids
1. Popular Kids
2. Emo Kids
3. Scene Kids
4. Ghetto Kids
5. Nerds
6. Arty Kids [dirty hippies]
Next, follow the instructions to becoming "one of them" and actually achieve your far-off dream of "fitting in" with the clique of your choice!
Popular Kids[edit | edit source]
Okay, this is probably everyone's first choice. But note this, eager beaver- popular kids are very quick to judge and most socially retarded morons like you don't have a chance! But if, by some miracle of science, you actually think they'll accept you, here's how. First, you need a boss hair-do. If you are a male, keep it between short and long, and use enough hair gel to make it look like you just rolled out of bed. It fools the ladies, trust me- just don't let them run their fingers through your hair, because once they feel the crispy locks of hair they'll realize you actually try to look hot! If you are a female, blonde hair is preferred, but not required. Hair should be kept long, sleek, and straight. If you do not already own one, go out and buy a hair straightener. This is a unique kind of ancient torture device that heats up to over 300 degrees and makes one's hair shiny and straight with a smoky mesquite aftertaste. Once your hair is all the rage, you'll need some funky threads! The store to buy from, no matter your gender, is no doubt Hollister Co. You may have seen it- it's made up to look like a beach resort, is dark on the inside, and has loud music blaring from the inside. No, kids, that's not a new kind of mall nightclub- that's a clothing store! Once you enter, ignore the wave of overpowering perfume that smacks you in the face. You'll learn to love the smell. Now that your clothes are radical to the extreme, you just need the attitude. Boys, develop a way of mumbling and slouching. Girls, basically adopt the idea that you're too good for everything, and, if you really want to get into this clique, sleep with every two-legged male on the planet.
Emo Kids[edit | edit source]
Hey there, cheer up, life's not so bad...unless you're EMO, that is! Once you're emo, you see the world for what it truly is- a smoldering abyss of loneliness and torture! If this appeals to you, you would fit in with the emo crowd. The first thing you need to do is get one bang completely covering one eye. Now wear thick black rings of eyeliner around your eyes, never wash your face. Just keep adding new layers to the detritus each morning. And finally, the coup de gras. Convince yourself it's the only way to relieve the pain of your torturous life where your parents like totally don't get you. Use scissors, a knife, anything sharp enough to perforate you will suffice. Cut across the wrists. For further advice see HowTo:Be an Emo.
Scene Kids[edit | edit source]
SORRY SCENE IS JUST STUPID. IF YOUR SCENE KILL YOUR SELF!!!!
Ghetto Kids[edit | edit source]
Step 1: don't go to school, you're a muthafuckin thug bitch you ain't need to skool anyways. smoke weed everyday, fuck tha police.