User:Catni/UnNews:Crowbar fails at solving problem

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

24 March 2009

Is this crowbar failure the first of many?

Space, 5 PM eastern time. The crew on the space shuttle Discovery hit a snag earlier today, when a robotic arm jammed on the outside of the space station where they are docked. Crew members got dressed in their spacesuits and started working on the problem. It did however prove to be very difficult, and after 4 hours of back-breaking work - with oxygen running out - NASA controllers authorized the use of the shuttle's onboard crowbar. "The crowbar is a universal problem solver, said a spokesman for NASA. We don`t encourage our astronauts to use it unless they really have to. This because there might not allways be a crowbar around to help them, and if that day comes they will have to think of something else."

As the title suggests, the crowbar was not able to aid the astronauts in their quest to repair the robotic arm. As a result the arm will remain unrepaired until the next shuttle arrives. "We tried using a hammer, sledgehammer, paperclip, screwdriver, my own Swiss Army knife, blowtorch and even our ship-based R2 unit. Nothing worked so we got permission to pull out the crowbar, and it to failed. There`s nothing else we can do, we are just gonna leave it here, making it someone else's problem."

A NASA spokesman said that there was no need for the average crowbar user to be concerned. Calling it a "one time incident" he said, "We`re going to blow that shit up sometime in the future, that should take care of the problem once and for all." Several large companies have however started sending back crowbars, to be switched out with pickaxes and crossbows.

UnNews follows the story.