User:Assholeism101/UnNews:President Kong to Send Aid to Japanese Mainland
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25 March 2011
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Responding to a request from lifelong friend, Godzilla, Emperor of Japan, President Kong will be sending supply ships laden with iodine infused bananas to help stave off radiation sickness in non-mutant citizens.
In last night's State of the Union Address, broadcast from the top of the Empire State Building, President Kong confirmed he was sending fruit to Japan as had now developed a taste for balsa wood and engine oil. He said
While nuclear radiation may not affect individuals like Gojira and myself, we cannot deny its affect on normal citizens. You may grow tall as us or die in pain and bald misery.
The ships carrying sending supplies to Japan are expected to dock there any day now. However, Japanese coastal stations have warned that various irradiated sea creatures like The Kraken, Orca the Giant Killer Whale or actress Kelly Brook swimming with piranhas may hinder unloading.