Somewhere on the Internet
Physical location unknown (give us time)
Dear Sir or Madam:
Thank you for your interest in Uncycloversity. After reviewing your application which could have been easily set down with our decision made, and weighing your qualifications against those of many other qualified applicants, we finally have the results. We never said that we set down the paper with a positive decision, which is why we regret to inform you that you, as a human being, have No Redeeming Value. You are such a complete dunce that you can't even get accepted into a fake university that runs on a website (in Florida, of all places) that anyone in the world with an Internet connection can edit to their heart's content without even revealing one bit of who they are! Indeed, it is probable that the ages of these editors could be below the age of 5. You really are a fat dumbass. Congratulations!
Your F in English was because you misspelled your name. Wow, you're an idiot. Your F in Science is because you mixed two potions that blew the school up (half of it, almost more). Your F in math is because you thought anything times zero is ultimately zero. I FUCKING HATE WHEN PEOPLE THINK that. YOU ARE RETARDED.
While we sincerely wish you all the best of luck in your quest to actually take the first step towards educating yourself to the point at which your intelligence rivals that of a typical rock, we even more sincerely wish that you'll simply go away and never return again, given that your IQ level is irredeemably low. Just leave us alone, that is all we ask of you.
This might also be a good time to remind you that your $1,000 application fee is non-refundable. Sucks to suck, doesn't it?
DON'T ASK - DON'T TELL - DON'T BOTHER