Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Ungod
Ungod[edit source]
(Added article name to head-link. ----OEJ 00:45, 7 June 2007 (UTC))
| Humour: | 8 | There are a lot of good lines in here. The humour density is quite high. |
| Concept: | 8 | Good idea. We have uncontent, unpoetry, and now this. |
| Prose and formatting: | 7 | Could use work on prose rhythm. See endnotes. |
| Images: | 7 | Well, the images are nothing special. We ought to be able to scare up a sort of average guy and make him look like the Ungod. |
| Miscellaneous: | 8 | I like this a lot. |
| Final Score: | 38 | |
| Reviewer: | ----OEJ 01:05, 7 June 2007 (UTC) | |
The jokes in here are great. But they would benefit (in my lousy opinion) from being given a bit of rhythm. To me the section out of The Great Rant should be in quotes, some sections ought to be set off by punctuation...er, something like --
- "Duck Billed Platypus, breasts bigger than DD, and testicles on the outside should convince anyone that no one's driving the bus...but the hairy arse-crack is the clincher. I mean WTF good is that?"
I would also break the Rant into a couple of paragraphs, maybe three. It gives the jokes room to breathe.
The last two sections are awfully short. They might be a place the article could be expanded. Do you want to format the Ungenesis section all King-James like?
- And upon the seventh day God in His ambivalence noticed something.
- Thus God put aside his beer and looked down from His barcalounger,
- And He looked upon Earth, and...
And so forth. Or not.
Anyway, I like this piece. It has a nice light tone and some wit. I see there have been several authors -- good on yer.
-- ----OEJ 01:05, 7 June 2007 (UTC)
Thanks for your review. I've added a new picture and some minor edits. I will have to think about breaking up the rant I see what you mean but I also like the idea of stream of conciousness type ravings. I will re draught the Ungenesis though.
started this entry but I didn't have a user name (well I did but I forgot the password and I don't have the email address any more.)
--Hugh pym 09:27, 7 June 2007 (UTC)
I've expanded the unbible section a bit and a few minor edits. I'm sorry the pictures aren't up to much but I only have mspaint and I'm not very good. --Hugh pym 15:10, 7 June 2007 (UTC)