Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Pull Over (2nd review)
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Pull Over[edit source]
It's a bit of a mess at the moment, but I think that maybe I like this mess. I dunno. Does it have VFH potential?? Thanks! - [10:19 13 May 2009] PlebYettie
- I'll review this a bit later. I'm not going to "claim" it, so someone else can review it if they want, but I have a good idea of where I want to go with this. Also, BOY OR GIRL? Saberwolf116 12:22, 13 May 2009 (UTC)
- Ah well! That's a good question. - [13:31 13 May 2009] PlebYettie
- Thanks for the review. I personally think red links are good things, they offer a very easy opportunity for newbies to get started on a "needed" article. I don't believe in culling them all off. That would be sad. Poor red links. :( But yes. But thanks...my style of writing is not very conventional. - [18:10 13 May 2009] PlebYettie
- I can tell. Now, tell me your gender, or else. Saberwolf116 21:11, 13 May 2009 (UTC)
- Thanks for the review. I personally think red links are good things, they offer a very easy opportunity for newbies to get started on a "needed" article. I don't believe in culling them all off. That would be sad. Poor red links. :( But yes. But thanks...my style of writing is not very conventional. - [18:10 13 May 2009] PlebYettie
- Ah well! That's a good question. - [13:31 13 May 2009] PlebYettie
| Humour: | 5.5 | Well, I think past the title, you only make passing references to being pulled over by a cop (or whatever you call them in the UK). Nazis? Porn Stash? AIDS? Sorry, but half the time I was wondering whether this guy was actually being pulled over- it seems like that was just an excuse for him to rant about a bunch of things he didn't like. You need to make your text more related to your title-that wasn't incoherent, but it was pretty random. |
| Concept: | 5 | As stated above, you've got an interesting concept that probably hasn't been used before. However, you need to fine tune your writing style. I think you should make this article revolve around a conversation between the officer and the narrator-a good bit of your concept feels like filler. Get rid of some of the unecessary sections that have nothing to do with the concept, such as the "Not the Porn Stash!" section. |
| Prose and formatting: | 5 | While you mostly spell words correctly and have a good idea of where to stick your images, your main problem is that you have an excess of red links. Quite a few of your words that you link don't have article, so i'd read this over again to get rid of the dead links (the worst case is near the pic of the Vampire). |
| Images: | 5 | Your first 2 images seem to fit well with the article, but your other ones really feel as random as some of the writing. A few things I might suggest are in image of a guy being pulled over (maybe steal that one from Average Cop), a speed limit sign, or something related to that. |
| Miscellaneous: | 5 | My overall grade of the article. |
| Final Score: | 25.5 | Basically, your concept is interesting, but a vast majority of your writing beyond the first 2 sentences has little or nothing to do with being pulled over. Before moving this to mainspace (which I assume you plan to do), here are a few major flaws you should correct: first, take the sections and sentences that have nothing to do with being pulled over out of the article- namely, "Not my Porn Stash". You also might want to change the title of "He's Not Going To Anally Rape Me With His Clipboard, Is He?!?!" and rework that section as well. Second, comb off the red links so your article looks nicer. Finally, replace your images with more relevant ones to the context.
Bottom Line: Interesting concept and OK writing, but a bit of a rambler; fix it up. Good luck!=) |
| Reviewer: | Saberwolf116 17:52, 13 May 2009 (UTC) | |