Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Get Some Mortgage
Get Some Mortgage[edit source]
I worked on this for the past week or so, turned out better than I expected. What do you think? - 
Admiral Enzo Aquarius-Dial the Gate 
19:58, 1 December 2007 (UTC)
| Get Some Mortgage is being reviewed by Your Source for Fine Scented Pee And Whatever Else Comes Out Of Him |
Hey Enzo, how's it going? • <-> Dec 02:32, 2
| Humour: | 6.8 | avg of each section
Intro is short and straightforward, but I like the idea alot so far and it's obvious what the article is about.
Yes, there were LoLz in there, but nothing that made me jump out of my chair and yelp "I must find this Enzo Aquarius to thank him personally!!!!" How do you improve it? Really, it's hard to suggest "funniness". That should be my disclaimer: I don't make articles funny, I make them acceptable or, if they're already acceptable, I decide if they're hilarious. Nobody can make an article funny from just a review. That picture, by the way, is a keeper.
Hmmm, I'm not sure about this section. Way too many statistics and numbers! Is that a problem? Yes, because it breaks up the flow from sentence to sentence, and section to section. just go with the flow.
Similar to "the commercial" section in that it had good flow but wasn't slap-my-face hilarious. It's a good ending to this article! |
| Concept: | 8 | Yes, I know what you're talking about. Yes, commercials are a good idea. I learned from my experience with Down Home Drug Commercial (whore!) that commercials are overdone, maybe. I, for one, enjoyed the concept. |
| Prose and formatting: | 7 | It feels like UnNews to me. Also, it's too short for an 8.
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| Images: | 8 | I really liked the images. They're ALL keepers. |
| Miscellaneous: | 7.5 | avg'd |
| Final Score: | 37.3 | I think you can see from the humor section what needs work. I believe that the best way to sum up this article is: it's using statistics as jokes. If somebody asked me "Hey, Cajek, what's Get Some Mortgage about? Do they have funny commercial parodies in there?" I'd be forced to say "Nope, sorry. It uses numbers as jokes. For 2/3rds of the page." Hey man, call me up sometime, tell me if I helped or if I didn't! |
| Reviewer: | • <-> Dec 02:52, 2 | |