UnNews:Xbox losing battle of the consoles
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
22 May 2013
During the early hours of yesterday morning, Microsoft's Xbox was hit by a staggering blow after it was deducted 359 points, and now finds itself 3 points behind Sony's Playstation.
Before last night's the scores had been Playstation 3 - Xbox 360, however now the scores stand at Playstation 4 - Xbox 1.
No reason has been disclosed for the point loss, although some believe that it came from within Microsoft. "We have a traitor in our midst," said Paul Allen to a group of board members (right). Looking at them, we at UnNews are not surprised that one or more of them betrayed Microsoft. Look at those clothes. They are not the type of clothes people with an estimated net value of $8bn should be wearing. Something fishy is going one here. But that might just be the smell of Sushi.
Microsoft man Bill Gates was disappointed by the loss: "We expect better here. In fact, we are better here," said the Harvard drop-out. "After the Nintendo Puu announcement, we had to do something really special," he said, his voice crackling through his toy megaphone.
"We are not inferior to those Japanese goofs," he went on, before adopting a high-pitched Japanese voice, "Sushi Sushi Sushi Ne How Sushi Tentackle Porn Sushi Konechiwa. No. We are Americans and we are better than that."
However, Kazuo Hirai, Sony CEO, was understandably pleased to see that Xbox has fallen from grace. "Ya ya, Adolf Hitler, he play Xbox, so Xbox very bad, very very bad, just like Adolf Hitler. Oh no, wait, we were on his side, okay, scrap that. Do Bill Gate by any chance live by lagoon harbor on island of Oahu, Hawaii, west of Honolulu?"
Sources[edit | edit source]
- IFYMB!, "Xbox One: Web reacts to Microsoft's multimedia console" BBC, 22 May 2013