UnNews:Uvula's true purpose discovered
|
This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
30 April 2007
LAS VEGAS, NV - Dr. Abraham Abrams, a controversial sex therapist for the Nevada's Clark County School District, has mystified his colleagues by insisting that he has discovered the true purpose of the uvula. The small, cone-shaped mass of tissue suspended from the center of the soft palate, thought, in ancient times, to have been a grape that got stuck in the throat, is “definitely animal, rather than vegetable,” Abrams declared, “and functions as a natural contraceptive.”
Uncyclopedia describes the uvula as an organ which, situated at "the entrance to the throat, is a female organ analogous to the hymen but resembling the clitoris in appearance," the latter organ's purpose being to protect and serve the "female's other esophageal organ, the vagina."
Although the fleshly appendage is socially significant, “Its presence” indicating “that a woman is an oral virgin,” Abrams told Unnews’ reporter, Lotta Lies, “its biological purpose is to trap sperm that are ingested. . . during oral sex,” and to channel “them, via the esophagus, into the stomach, where powerful hydrochloric acid destroys the one-celled gametes.” However, Abrams hastened to add, “The uvula is not, nor should it be construed to be, a safeguard against the acquisition of venereal diseases. In fact, should the uvula become inflamed, it may indicate an infection rather than sexual excitation.”
Males have an organ that is similar to the female uvula, although it is not a true uvula, any more than the clitoris is a penis. “The so-called male uvula is an analogous organ, not a true uvula,” Abrams declared. “Its purpose, if any, remains unknown.”
NOTE: Dr. Abrams was the consultant for an Uncyclopedia article on the uvula
Source[edit | edit source]
- Lotta Lies "Uvulas may prevent pregnancy, but they don’t stop disease" Instant News, 12 seconds agohola mi nombre es blah blah blah