UnNews:Shit That Pisses Me Off:The Vizio VBR100 Blu-ray player

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This editorial is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-moron misinformation. You can bloody well piss off if you don't like it!


8 November 2010


Written by:

Ivan Samuel Overreactor
Owner, Vizio VBR100

First let me begin this column by saying that a few things are changing around here at Shit that Pisses Me Off--


Yeeow! Or should I say, Things That Make Me Angry.

You see, the big suits have decided that we gotta clean up the language around here. So over the weekend, they hire a censor -- big bucks, too. Probably more than I spent on the subject of this article. Please welcome the head of the American Society against Socially Horrific and Offensive Language Ever, Mr. Sean Oliver Bismark.

Thank you. I look forward to cleaning up all the smut in these gosh darn articles.

How this works is, I'm hooked up with wires. Anytime I curse, Mr. Bismark will hit the red button and zap me.

Back to the Future: 1.21 gigawatts of rage for Vizio VBR100 owners.

Now the purpose of this article is to express my anger in my Vizio VBR100 Blu-ray player. I recently purchased Back to the Future and the damn thi--


Ow! I mean, darn thing -- won't play. I have gone through hell --


What was that for?

You said the H word.

So? Why can't I say it? The word is in the Bible.

Of course it's in the Bible. How can you talk about hell if you can't say "hell?"

As I was saying. I have been having nothing but trouble in updating my firmware. Every da -- darn disc I put in won't play worth shit!





[Bismark shrugs his shoulders.]

Disc 1 wouldn't play. Then I got a replacement and only the second disc would play! Then it hit me that I may need to update my firmware. Big, big, mistake! I can't get my player to accept any fucking firm--


Uhh... darn. Forni--


You guys are strict mother-- I mean, brothers. No matter how the ISO file is burned to the disc, the SOB -- can I say that? -- will kick it out.

[Brief pause]


This is ridiculous! Who the hell hired --


[Ivan starts ripping out the wires violently]

All I wanted to do was bitch about the firmware problems and ask for a fucking solution, and you treat me like some fucking lab mouse!

Don't look at me; I'm just doing my job.

That does it. I'm outta here! I'm gonna call Vizio and fucking complain! I'm reporting their asses to the Better Business Bureau! And I'm gonna talk with UnNews about getting you fired.

What the fuck did you just say, n****r?

I said you're getting fired.

Oh yeah?


Not before I kick your ass 88 miles per hour!

Bring it on, old man!

STPMO Vizio1.jpg
STPMO Vizio2.jpg
You been workin' out, Grandpa?
Not yet, Buckwheat...
[Bismark drops dead from heart attack]

I guess that puts an end to censorship in STPMO articles. So to wrap this article up: Back to the Future is a Blu-ray nightmare for Vizio VBR100 owners whose players won't accept the CD-R firmware discs and/or the ISO file.

Until then, this is ISO signing off! See you in the future, Doc!


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This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.

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