UnNews:Pentagon says vaginas on the front line would boost recruitment
|
This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
22 March 2013
The United States is set to remove restrictions preventing women from serving in front-line combat roles in the military thanks to a change in policy led by Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta, an avid fan of the opposite sex. The decision comes after careful review by the military which has concluded that allowing vaginas on the front line will boost recruitment.
One cause for concern with allowing women to serve in combat roles was the inevitability of pregnancy, which would prevent women from fulfilling their combat duties. In the past, the Pentagon considered several derogatory terms for instances of women getting pregnant on the front lines, such as "friendly-with-benefits fire" and "co-labial damage."
Now, according to defense analysts, the move will see an increase in recruitment numbers, but not necessarily in female soldiers. “Women are already serving, so what we will see is women currently serving being moved into potential combat roles,” says UnNews defense analyst Han Farker. “In the past, the U.S. military feared women on the front line would become extremely pregnant. However, the new line of thinking is that new male recruits will be attracted by the presence of pussy on the front line."
"In actual fact, statistical experts think female recruits are so likely to get pregnant immediately that they will never actually take part in combat, and so the move will function mainly as a recruitment campaign for horny goons."
"The new male recruits will find that when they get posted, the only opportunities for sex will be the traditional ones - gay comrades (who are now allowed to serve openly), and the vulnerable yet unattractive women of the country they are in.”
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Tom Morris "Pentagon announces end to ban on vaginas on the battlefield" WikiNews, January 24, 2013