UnNews:Oprah Plans Partnership With NASA To Send Solomon To Mars
15 November 2008
CHICAGO (UP) Oprah Winfrey has now suffered the loss of another beloved pet. Solomon, her 14 year old cocker spaniel died on October 27th from kidney failure after many months of dialysis treatment. The dog had been a Christmas present from boyfriend Stedman Graham in 1994. It was Oprah's third pet to die in only a 17 month span. In March, her cocker spaniel named Sophie died of kidney failure and in May of last year her 2-year-old golden retriever Gracie choked to death on a plastic ball.
NASA officials were caught completely by surprise but welcome this new collaboration. "With Oprah's resources at our disposal, we will drastically reduce the amount of time it will take for a manned mission to Mars" said NASA Chief Financial Officer Ronald R. Spoehel. "I realize that time-line speculations are hazardous to estimate but I would not be surprised to have a manned mission land on the surface of mars by 2011".
This morning at the Kennedy Space Center in Florida, NASA Press Secretary David R. Mould announced the official launch of this new accelerated program. "It is with great pride today that NASA announces the establishment of a new, accelerated program to Mars. It will be officially known as the Solomon Accelerated Mars Burial Objective"
Oprah was visibly honored but still mourning the loss of her beloved Solomon. "I just want to thank all the people at NASA and all of the great folks back in Chicago and all over the world for their support during this difficult time for me. I miss that sweet little dog very much. But now, it's time to step up and do something bold people! We're going to Mars!!" she said in her trademark extended verbalizing of the last word in a statement.
- Debbie Schlussel "We Love Oprah." Oprah, May 25, 2008