UnNews:John Boehner wants you to know he's cool, man

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Thursday, April 12, 2018

Put a caption here, because we can't even!

WASHINGTON -- Former Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-OH) once believed that crack was whack. But now, it appears, he's finally cool, man.

"This is some happening stuff, man," Boehner says of marijuana. "I had no idea what the hell I was missing. I'm gonna need plenty of this to get through the next six-and-a-half years. Hopefully fewer. Fewer years, not joints."

The inhalation of cannabis and the sensation spawned from this indulgence has inspired Boehner to join the bored board of a marijuana advocacy group, Acreage Holding.

"The Man has too much power, man. He's taking our weed, man! I say we stick it to The Man, man," Boehner wrote in a Tweet announcing his trip to the other side of the political aisle.

Boehner joins a long list of marijuana advocates and stoners that includes such luminaries as Snoop Dogg, Seth Rogen, Ed from Good Burger, Bill & Ted, Steve from Blue's Clues, the two guys from Dude, Where's My Car?, the entire population of Jamaica, and Shaggy from Scooby-Doo.