UnNews:Iran Bitches About Suicide Bomb--Iraq, Pakistan Say "Grow up"
19 October 2009
TEHRAN, Iran-- In response to a suicide bombing today, Iran decided to blame the United States and Britain instead of being a big boy and taking the blame himself. Iran was supposedly inconsolable and unreachable today after locking himself in his room and crying all day. "IT'S NOT FAIR!", expletives and sobs could be heard from the young Islamic Republics bedroom.
In response to the outburst, Iraq let out a quick scoff and said, "Pssh, that was nothing, he's just being a crybaby. I've seen much worse than this stuff." Iraq offered up a reason for the outburst: "he's just a little new to the big boy world and can't accept the reality that he's grown up." The very mature Iraq was slightly disappointed with his immature friend but said he would hope the immaturity would stop.
Pakistan, a close buddy and neighbor described the situation at the Islamic Republics 'house as an "overreaction" and preceded to tell Iran to "grow a pair." Pakistan says that, "This is nothing! Last week alone I had 5 bombings! He really needs to suck it up."
Friends of Iran (e.g. Presidents Obama and Putin, Kofi Annan, Kim Jong-(very)ill) decided that they should hire a therapist to help him cope with the relatively mild crisis in his life. The Islamic Republic refused and told everyone to "GET OFF MY LAWN!" and went back to his room to cry. "He needs to realize that we're only trying to help." Said Afghanistan Monday, "but with that attitude I don't even wanna help that little bitch." America talked with us and their reply was " Those bitches outa' suck it up, grab a beer and forget about it"
The general consensus of the nations bordering Iran is that he needs to grow up and deal with it like a big boy. He should not blame the United States or Britain (commonly hated in that neighborhood) but take the blame for himself. Saudi Arabia said, "Part of the process of growing up is dealing with these things rather than locking yourself in your room and crying."
Israel gave a statment saying,"Oh! I see now! So let me get this straight, he wants to "kick our infidel-ass" and we're supposed to take it in stride, but the second be somebody tells him to stop being a dick he hides in his room?". Israel's Cousin Isreal also said,"Grow up and stop being a little homo. No wonder everyone picks on you at the U.N. lunchroom".
- Michael Slackman "Iran Blames U.S. and Britain in Attack." New York Times, October 19, 2009