UnNews:Horse 'never liked dying woman'

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Saturday, November 8, 2014

Bronwen being tenderly dragged in front of the hospital bed.

Bronwen the horse, who hit headlines this week after publicly "saying goodbye" to his dying owner, Shelly Myers, has revealed that he never cared for her very much.

"I was kind of disgusted by what I read in the papers," reveals the 25-year-old thoroughbred. "They made it look like I walked up to her and kissed her goodbye. The truth is, I was pulled along by my nose - as I have been for my whole bloody life - and pushed in front of her.

"I sort of kissed her goodbye, that's true. But very much in the way a child reluctantly kisses his great-grandmother - because everyone around him insists and promises treats if he does."

The horse insisted he bore no ill will against Myers, but added, "People are pointing out that this woman fed and housed me, but you have to bear in mind that she - or people she knew - also sat on my back and made me run around for 25 years.

"It was something of an abusive relationship."

Unfortunately for Bronwen, the world's media got ahold of the story, and anthropomorphised his actions, describing him as "tenderly nuzzling" his former owner in an apparent act of affection.

He explained to us, "Jackie - that's the girl who was pulling me along by the face - promised me a sugar cube if I was nice. So I did it. Then after I got the sugar cube, I did a big shit right in front of the hospital, as a kind of dirty protest. But apparently that was too subtle for the world's press to pick up on.

"In retrospect, I probably should have just bitten her."

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