UnNews:Clinton 'did not get head while president'

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Thursday, March 2, 2017

Mr Clinton pouting while not playing golf - he was between holes while pouting.

Former US president Bill Clinton has denied getting head while in office, claiming that all his interactions with Monica Lewinsky were 'while he was in the Oval Office in a non-presidential capacity´.

Clinton seems to have taken inspiration from Donald Trump’s attorney general Jeff Sessions who, when asked, “Have you been in contact with anyone connected to any part of the Russian government about the 2016 election, either before or after election day?”, said no, only for it to be later revealed he had twice met a Russian Ambassador, while working as a member of the Senate armed services committee.

Clinton has apparently shown no qualms about aping the tactics of the team that beat his wife Hillary to the White House, calling a press conference in which he claimed that every illicit nut he busted while President was not technically while he was president.

"Let's just say I didn't have my presidential hat on," Clinton told reporters. "Although one time, when we did it, I put Lincoln's hat on."

He continued: "In the same way it is unreasonable to think that Jeff Sessions might have discussed the presidential campaign he was working on while meeting someone during the campaign, and that he was not required to disclose this when questioned about his contact with Russian politicians, I think it's unfair to say that I was in any way working in a presidential capacity while filling a young intern's mouth."

Political anal-yst Joanna Corey explains: "Bill was always a slick operator -he once said some shit like, 'That depends on what your definition of "is" is.' But this takes it to a whole new level.

"Men all around the world - not just politicians - have unearthed a new excuse. Did you cheat on your wife with Amanda? No, because I wasn't there in my capacity as my wife's husband, I was there as Amanda's love monster.

"While president of the United States, did you give unfair priviliges to the companies owned by you and your family? No, because I made those decisions in my capacity as a heartless businessman, not as a president.

"Did you ever coordinate your attempts to win the election to be the President of the United States by harnessing a hostile superpower's secret service? No, because I was having those interactions as a secret Soviet agent, not as an American.

"The applications are endless."

Sources[edit]

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