UnNews:Chinese "Breastaurant" a failure
27 June 2012
SHANGHAI, China -- The UnNews desk likes a bit of breast, my colleague recently reported on the popularity of the "Breastaurant" and rightly so, business ideas need to be squeezed until the last drop of innovation has been put into a DD cup and served with steaming... I digress.
The trend is now affecting other countries but to less effect. I received a worried call from a restaurant owner in China who desperately wanted publicity for his "Bleastaurant" which isn't doing too well, he told me over the phone - "Tly to do good rike in amelica but chinese people; they not get what I tly to do. They not pay attention to girl with bleast in face, they say, 'they are too small and what point rooking at what rook rike me naked!?'" - I feel for the restaurant owner, it is obvious he is simply trying to do an honest day's work. I ask him if their are "larger" women around? - "I arleady tly big girl but the customer say she rook rike dog and ask to eat her!"
Dear readers, we all know the idiosyncratic ways of the Chinese and I'm saddened by the conversation. What kind of country doesn't appreciate sexuality with their meal? It is then that I realized Mr. Ho's mistake. The first, is calling his eatery "Little Ho serve all day" and secondly his "Breastaurant" features waitresses topless! Poor Mr. Ho has used his rudimentary Engrish to come to the conclusion that we readily parade topless girls at our Breastaurants! I explain the mistake to him and the line becomes quiet. I can hear him thumbing through his dictionary for the word "topless" - "Aah fuck! Okay, I get meaning!"
The next day I feel content to have helped a business man become happier. At around midnight I get another call from Mr. Ho - "I go Shanghai and get what you tell me! We make website prease check see you rike it!" - His enthusiasm is touching, I click to his website and fall off my chair quite literally. The welcome greeting reads: WELCOME TO ALL DAY HO! COME SEE YOU RIKE BLEASTS AND TOPRESS GIRLS! - I click to see what he means by "and topless girls", ah.
For in China a dictionary is of no use it seems, although Mr. Ho's restaurant is now certainly unique. I request any reader visiting China to go the extra few miles or so outside Shanghai to pay a special visit to our new friend's restaurant. Your dining experience will be unlike any you have had before. The waitress has her breasts out and a clean shaven head. Only can this have been made in China.