UnNews:Calais immigrants to become tube drivers

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Thursday, August 6, 2015

Until today, interactions between the best immigrants and their hosts had been less civil.

Thousands of immigrants who are camped in Calais in the hope of gaining entry to Britain are set to be trained to be London Underground train drivers.

The news comes in the wake of the latest 24-hour tube strike, in which the well paid drivers have brought the capital to a standstill, baulking at the prospect of having to work nights.

Boris Johnson, who does mayor impressions, told UnNews: "One of the token bleeding hearts in the office was saying, 'Isn't it a shame? All they want to do is work,' and that got me thinking.

"We've spent the last week trying to appease these train drivers who are on 45k a year and don't want to do nights, and I said to my butler, 'By Jove, Jeeves, I think I've had an idea'."

Transport for London employees were immediately sent to France with basic diagrams about "the electric metal horse" before they were informed that the immigrants had arrived from Africa via a combination of almost every form of modern transport.

Training then went so well that the brightest immigrants drove their new employers back to King's Cross, having negotiated a £12,000 a year basic salary for a six-day, 60-hour week.

Johnson declared: "History has shown that the British are extremely tolerant of other creeds and races, provided they provide free or cheap labour."


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