UnNews:Bill Clinton supports Barack Obama
16 May 2008
This support is a major boost, considering it comes from a former president. Obama will find President Clinton's support invaluable as the former attempts to defeat the latter's wife, Senator Hillary Clinton, in the Democratic primaries.
"The Democratic voters in America have made their choice, and so have I," the former president declared to a screaming mob of more than 12,000 Americans and illegal immigrant fangirls. Unfortunately, this statement came only moments before Hillary texted her husband with "omg im so syked i 1 w. vagina!!!"
"There is one man who knows, in his heart, that it is time to create one America, not two--and that man is Barack Obama!" Clinton continued. This stimulated a cheer of "Yes we can!" from the enthused audience.
However, there is controversy behind President Clinton's endorsement. The former president is a long-time associate of Obama's chief rival, Hillary Clinton, and even reported to have had relations with her. Of course, these thoughts are simply rumors, and presently unconfirmed.
"This is the best thing to happen this whole campaign!" crowed Eddy, waving his Barack Obama poster with a manic fervor. "Seriously, now that Obama has the Clintons' support, he will be a shoo-in!"
Mrs. Clinton's campaign responded with a terse message pinned to an old, moth-eaten couch. "We respect Bill Clinton," the message read. "But as the voters of West Virginia showed last night, this thing is far from over. By the way, Bill, you're sleeping on this from now on."
In other news, Mrs. Clinton is seriously considering becoming a Republican.
- The actual content of this text message is in dispute. After receiving said text message, President Clinton gave a rather nervous chuckle and said, "Gee, I hope Hillary's not watching the news!"
- Needless to say, Mr. Eddy had not received much information on the previous occurrences in this campaign.
- Reportedly, President Clinton frowned at the sight of the familiar old couch.
- Verity Strange "Former Democratic presidential contender supports Obama." New Spork Times, May 16, 2008