UnNews:Alien sex offenders being deported from Virginia
22 February 2008
"Operation Coldplay", an attempt to flush them out using sound waves that cannot be tolerated by any life form without their brain stopping, identified 255 beings convicted of sex crimes who are not Earth citizens. Eighty-four offenders on the list had already left the planet or been deported. The other 171 offenders were either already imprisoned in a force field powered by an eternal battery or picked up in the backwoods while looking for cattle to mutilate and hicks to anal probe.
One 37-year-old Indian man underwent a procedure in order to have a two inch nail removed from his penis, inserted there by a band of aliens who had attacked him after he had resisted their anal probes.
- Mary-Sue Character "We come in peace (repeatedly)" Journal of Anal Probes, February 20, 2008