Sense of Proportion
“If you don't have a sense for proportion, you may end up turning things bigger or smaller than they should be.”
~ Captain Obvious on Sense of proportion
“When 900 pixels width you reach, look as good, you will not.”
~ Master Yoda on Sense of proportion
A Brief Synopsis
|This article is complete, irredeemable lollipop. The submitter is Bat Fuck Insane, and cuddles at the lollipop.
If you attempt to cuddle this, you will most likely cuddle Bat Fuck Insane yourself.
Or the submitter will cuddle your lollipop.
It is a little known fact that human beings have many more than six senses. The seventh sense (just after "sense film ending and ruin it for everyone" and just before "sense of wonder") is the sense of proportion, with the Sense of Non coming right after.
What use is it anyway?
The sense of proportion is a vital instrument which, if not properly calibrated, can wildly skew the results of an Aguilera or her experiment. It is vital for mankind as we know it to develop a better sense of proportion, without which hot people will be wrongfully ignored. It is widely thought to be because of a defective sense of proportion that the standard comparison in the Aguilera or her test was Britney Spears for a considerable time.
Alice in Wonderland used mushrooms that altered her mind and sense of proportion, even allowing her to grow while the rest of the world remained the same. Mario and Luigi uses the same trick for changing sizes. In Star Wars, master Yoda stated that sense of proportion may in fact be a path to the dark side, saying
“Size matters not. Only difference is in your mind”. However, this is simply because the green muppet suffers from minority complex. Coca-Cola, Pepsi, McDonalds and Burger King alongside other
junk food/drink manufacturers and restaurant chains thinks that a sense of proportion can be harmful for them a normal person, because people who do have a sense of proportion may end up choosing smaller food portions.
The consequences of a world without sense of proportion
A world without sense of proportion would be a strange and surreal place. For instance, the Moon would be the largest planet in the solar system, while the Sun would be smaller than Pluto for instance. Yoda would be larger than Luke Skywalker. In the real life, none of this would of course be possible. Take away the proportions of everything, and you will take away the base fundament of reality itself, leading to a M.C. Escher-esque world of absurdity. One might say that stepping into such a world would be like stepping through the looking glass, into a place where everything is distorted. Everything that is big in real life becomes a small thing, and everything small becomes really big. Some of the odd consequences of such a upheavel of the reality flow would be, among others:
- Mice chases cats since the mice would be larger than cats, larger than tigers in fact.
- Dogs would be larger than cars; therefore, the cars are the ones chasing the dogs instead and consequently tries to bury them in scrap yards when caught.
- Steve Ballmer's chair would much larger than Ballmer himself; therefore he must resort to using heavy cranes and trucks whenever he wants to throw the chair at quitting employees.
- Your brain would be larger than a peanut in this other world(!)
- Uncyclopedia would be larger than Wikipedia. Uncyclopedia would also be website that tells the truth, while Wikipedia would be the parody website.
- The vacuum in Paris Hilton's head would be larger than the entire universe; therefore we would practically live inside Paris Hilton.
- MP3 files would be larger than your entire harddisk; therefore, file sharing would be practically impossible.
Alcohol is a tool of the devil
Just as alcohol can make your vision blur, it has an even more severe effect on your sense of proportion. In fact, alcohol in the UK and most other bowler wearing countries carries a government health warning, reading
“Beware. Alcohol makes you sleep with people you won't be able to boast about in the morning.” . In contrast, as Alice in Wonderland once found out, certain drugs such can have the very opposite effect on ones sense of proportion, while others have the same effect as alcohol (ethanol to be precise). It should noted that one should not attempt to undo the effect of ethanol with a drug with the opposite effect, as this will not turn ones sense of proportion back to normal, but may in fact kill the (ab)user.
Illustrating a world gone awry
Here follows pictures of how the universe would look like if all proportions would be twisted and distorted.
|Sight | Smell | Touch | Taste | Nonsense | Sense | Sense of Proportion | Common sense|