S4C

The S4C official logo used from 1995-2007

S4C (Welsh pronunciation: [ɛs ˈpɛdwar ɛk], from the Welsh Sianel Pedwar Cymru, meaning "Channel Four Wales" or alternatively "Channel Four Viewers") is a Welsh-language public-service television channel based in Cardiff and broadcast jointly from the 'S4C Television Centre', Jones' Farm, Lampeter, and Tesco Caernarfon. It is widely acclaimed for its consistently excellent broadcasting schedule (all seemingly farming related), which broadcasts as a Channel 4 alternative in Wales.

It has developed from its humble beginnings as an adult sheep network to a channel which now also broadcasts Channel 4 repeats and the occasional farming program. It is the single biggest cause of insomnia within Welsh teenagers since you have to wait until past 1am to see Channel 4 programmes that have nudity in them.

Typical Programming on S4C

Here are some examples of viewing on this hilarious beauteous network:

Pobol y Cwm (People of Cum)

This is a long running 'soap' which has been going since the birth of the channel. It harbours many bizarre storylines, and throughout its history it has seen such great tales as 'Delaith'.

Most viewers use it to:

1. Giggle at
2. Admire the sexy accents
3. Giggle at some more.
4. Take another drag on your crack pipe because S4C is so crap you need hard drugs.

Cefn Gwlad (Back of Beyond)

This ingenius programme, where a fat Welshman takes the piss out of farmers, has been running for almost 900 years. Over the course of its history it has provided viewers with several classic moments:

1. The episode that showed a woman hanging washing out on a line for ten minutes.
2. The episode where the presenter, Dai, learnt how to make a bed.
3. The episode where a farmer had so many children he had to buy twelve boxes of cereal every week.
4. The episode where my friend's grandmother fell over in the snow.

Halibalw (Happyballs)

A testicle themed song and dance show.

Hotel Eddie (Eddie's Hotel)

This popular show (watched by literally tens of people across Wales), is based on the amusing adventures of hotel manager Eddie Butler. It is believed to be aimed at children, but nobody is sure. The show consists of a man in a tuxedo with his face painted grey who runs a hotel. No idea.

Gai Fachist (Fascist Gay)

A Welsh adaptation of Fascist Guy.

Sam Tân (Fireman Tan)

Ethnic minority version of the popular children's show.

Blociau Rhif (NOT NUMBERBLOCKS I SWEAR!)

The show that brings the kids in, and a rip-off of BBC's Numberblocks.

Ffermio (Firmness)

A regularly updated documentary series studying Welsh breasts.

Garddio A Mwy (My Bodyguards)

Series exploring Cardiff's nightlife with personal protection.

OneyGranni (Granny One Eye)

This is the flagship news programme. A one hour televised lie.

Heno (Tonight)

A nightly magazine programme from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch featuring anyone who has recently self-published a book or pamphlet.

Prynhawn Da (Good Pornography)

Inexplicably airs on weekday afternoons.

Sgorio (Score)

A show about football, the eighth most popular sport in Wales. People outside of Portmeirion used to watch this programme when they used to have more than the Welsh farmers playing each other, but now everybody's fucked off and the show is being watched by about -19 people, and S4C has stuck with the title despite no goals being scored almost every week. Fuck knows who presents it, but I hope they're getting paid a vast amount of cash.

Sioe Maggi Noggi (Maggi Noggi Show)

An intermittent comedy chat show presented by Anglesey transvestite Kris Hughes dressed as his outrageous alter ego Maggi Noggi. The character won the 2020 'Sexiest Woman In Wales' award, despite actually being a man.

Nos Galan (Gallon Night)

Annual New Year's Eve party where everyone drinks a gallon of wine.

Noson Lawen (Joyful Nostrils)

A variety show with tips on nasal hygiene.

Twt (Tw*t)

Cartoon series featuring an obnoxious boat.

Viewing Figures

Average viewing figures usually fall somewhere in the single digits, however on St David's Day in 2009 ratings had skyrocketed to a nationwide record of 13 viewers! However in months recently viewing figures have stayed at a measly 0, somehow, in some cases falling to a completely preposterous and utterly impossible -2, then again, Wales is well known for it's backwardness. Did you know if you lied on your back at the bottom of any hill in Pontypridd you would roll up?!

The average budget for shows on S4C usually lies within a 50p limit, with most of the money spent on make-up artists for Angharad Mair and trailers for VIS's (Very Important Sheep), with lead actors usually getting paid in leeks or in Spring months, daffodils. Nobody complains, probably because there's no Welsh word for 'salary'.

See also

• Wales
• Channel 4 (if you are looking for English-language programming)