Presidential Football Classic
Dick: Howdy folks, and welcome to the Presidential Football Classic! As always, I'm your host, Dick Willie Johnson, and I'm joined by my good friend, Bud "Lite" Bigmeat. It's a beautiful day on Thanksgiving for some good ol' gridiron!
Bud: We have the Presidents United going against Washington's Finest! In the baseball outing Washington's Finest decimated President's United and the game ended with a massive brawl!
Dick: Hell of a game that was!
Presidents United lineup[edit | edit source]
| Position | Name |
|---|---|
| QB | George Washington |
| WR | James K. Polk |
| WR | Grover Cleveland |
| RB | Abraham Lincoln |
| HB | John Adams |
| TE | Donald Trump |
| OT | Jimmy Carter |
| OT | Woodrow Wilson |
| C | William Howard Taft |
| OG | Lyndon B. Johnson |
| OG | Warren G. Harding |
| K | Andrew Jackson |
Washington's Finest lineup[edit | edit source]
| Position | Name |
|---|---|
| QB | John F. Kennedy |
| WR | Richard Nixon |
| WR | Ronald Reagan |
| RB | Joe Biden |
| HB | James Monroe |
| TE | Barack Obama |
| OT | Bill Clinton |
| OT | George W. Bush |
| C | Theodore Roosevelt |
| OG | Dwight D. Eisenhower |
| OG | Harry S. Truman |
| K | John Quincy Adams |
Bud: That's right, Dick! Our referees today are:
| Position | Name |
|---|---|
| R | O. J. Simpson |
| DJ | Davy Jones |
| SJ | Forrest Gump |
| BJ | Johnny Cash |
| FJ | Elvis Presley |
| LJ | Charles Manson |
| C | Bill Cosby |
| RO | Al Capone |
| BR | Jimmy Blackman |
First Half[edit | edit source]
Dick: And Washington's Finest is kicking off!
O.J.: Touchback!
Bud: Oh yeah! I forgot to tell everyone listening in! The referees, quarterbacks, running backs, and wide receivers are mic'd up. Though we'll only choose a few times to include what the players say, you will probably hear from O.J. a lot.
Dick: He can't keep his fucking mouth shut.