Presidential Football Classic
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Dick: Howdy folks, and welcome to the Presidential Football Classic! As always, I'm your host, Dick Willie Johnson, and I'm joined by my good friend, Bud "Lite" Bigmeat. It's a beautiful day on Thanksgiving for some good ol' gridiron!
Bud: We have the Presidents United going against Washington's Finest! In the baseball outing Washington's Finest decimated President's United and the game ended with a massive brawl!
Dick: Hell of a game that was!
Presidents United lineup[edit | edit source]
Position | Name |
---|---|
QB | George Washington |
WR | James K. Polk |
WR | Grover Cleveland |
RB | Abraham Lincoln |
HB | John Adams |
TE | Donald Trump |
OT | Jimmy Carter |
OT | Woodrow Wilson |
C | William Howard Taft |
OG | Lyndon B. Johnson |
OG | Warren G. Harding |
K | Andrew Jackson |
Washington's Finest lineup[edit | edit source]
Position | Name |
---|---|
QB | John F. Kennedy |
WR | Richard Nixon |
WR | Ronald Reagan |
RB | Joe Biden |
HB | James Monroe |
TE | Barack Obama |
OT | Bill Clinton |
OT | George W. Bush |
C | Theodore Roosevelt |
OG | Dwight D. Eisenhower |
OG | Harry S. Truman |
K | John Quincy Adams |
Bud: That's right, Dick! Our referees today are:
Position | Name |
---|---|
R | O. J. Simpson |
DJ | Davy Jones |
SJ | Forrest Gump |
BJ | Johnny Cash |
FJ | Elvis Presley |
LJ | Charles Manson |
C | Bill Cosby |
RO | Al Capone |
BR | Jimmy Blackman |
First Half[edit | edit source]
Dick: And Washington's Finest is kicking off!
O.J.: Touchback!
Bud: Oh yeah! I forgot to tell everyone listening in! The referees, quarterbacks, running backs, and wide receivers are mic'd up. Though we'll only choose a few times to include what the players say, you will probably hear from O.J. a lot.
Dick: He can't keep his fucking mouth shut.