HowTo:Make Your Enemies a Scapegoat

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So you're an ordinary guy, right? You have a reasonable amount of friends and you're pretty successful... but you also have a few enemies and like enemies, they're always wishing for your downfall; what's worse is that you get yourself into sticky predicaments that you can't exactly get out of easily. Now, shouldn't there be a way to get out of both situations easily? Luckily there is, and it involves getting the people who hate you to become your scapegoats; so if you want to know how it's done, read on to find out.

Step 1: Practice voice acting.[edit]

This image of a scapegoat may seem appropriate but we're not talking about actual goats here.

Before you can make your enemies scapegoats, you first have to make sure you can do any type of voice possible; this is important because your enemies already know everything about you, including your voice and disguising your voice will help to put the enemies where you want them to be. You may think that disguising your voice is impossible but the truth is, anybody can do it; hell look at Tara Strong, that girl can do any voice possible and if she can do it, so can you!

First off, sit yourself down in front of the TV and tune it to your favorite channel, preferably one showing animation. Than try saying the things they say in exactly the same way they say it, you may not get it instantly, in fact you may sound weird but with tons of practice, you can sound decent, not the best but decent enough to trick your enemies.

Step 2: Look Innocent.[edit]

This is what you should feel like.

Looking innocent is the most important part of scapegoating; if you ever, ever look guilty than you'll find yourself locked in the clink and your enemies will be laughing all the way to the bank. The best way to look innocent is to always think you're going to get caught. Pretend that you're a part of a criminal gang and your friends are police officers, by pretending that you're a part of a criminal gang, you'll always feel guilty thus giving you a reason to look innocent.

The most important thing is to never drop that look of innocence, if you do then your enemies will jump on you like nobodies business. You must push that innocence and make it a natural part of your life; forget everything they told you about telling the truth, you must look innocent dammit!

Step 3: Always have evidence.[edit]

Evidence goes a long way towards making your enemies into scapegoats and if you manage to always have proof that one of your enemies did it than it makes putting the blame on them much easier. Evidence can be a whole lot of things; a piece of paper, a voice recording, or a certain item of his/hers, but what matters the most is that you always have it so if you manage to do something heinous or embarrassing than you can always turn to your enemies instead of being left holding the bag.

What happens if you don't have any evidence? Don't worry, you can create some; go to the local market and get yourself some of those things mentioned above than using your best handwriting skills, write down "Hi friend, I want you to do this for me, no questions; signed your enemy.", that way, you'll have some proof that your enemy wanted to do it and you'll be able to bring him down with you.

Step 4: Form an intricate plan.[edit]

You don't know this but you and your enemies are playing a game, a game of cunning strategy, a game of wits. Therefore you must form an intricate plan, one which will get the enemies under your fingertips. How will you form this plan, easy? You just look around your surroundings for something to see, maybe utilize a bit of voice acting here and there and then you go on for there, adding complicated stuff such as speeches and even evidence.

Your enemies may have a plan for you too, a plan to embarrass you and leave you out on the cold but you gotta be aware of those plans; in fact you gotta make your plans more intricate in order to combat what your enemy has for you. Go to the extreme, utilize portal physics and momentum like never before. Try to predict where your enemy might be at and trap him in your net of blame. It may take every bit of brainpower that you have but you don't want your enemy to win don't you, no; you want yourself to win.

Step 5: Just blame the enemy.[edit]

Sometimes, this is the most effective solution.

Sometimes, the simplest solution is the best solution; that being pointing your finger and saying "he did it!". Hey, it worked like every time when you were a child and the police would be inclined to believe you, after all; who can resist the temptation that somebody else did it. Plus it gives you a really easy way out.

Conclusion[edit]

So if you followed all of the steps than you should have your enemies cowering in fear. You're the master of placing the blame on your enemies and getting out of troubling situations scotch free; there is nothing that you can't do. Well you can't rob Fort Knox or blow up the Hoover Dam but you can feel a sense of smug satisfaction whenever you do anything. Look at you, you're literally the person who can't get into trouble, you're untouchable! Well not that untouchable but you get the message.

Now go out there, go and use your enemies as scapegoats, use them like you never used anything at all! Just don't blame me if things go wrong okay?