HowTo:Keep Americans out of your country

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Beware! It has the hungry look in its eyes.

American invasion doesn't sound good, right? You want to live in your country in peace, everyone does. That's hard if you got American troops rushing into your home with all their democracy and freedom. But don't worry, we have a HowTo guide for deminishing this threat. This is HowTo:Keep Americans out of your Country.

Avoiding cultural invasion[edit]

Easiest thing first: Your country's culture is, as you think, valuable and unique and worth of protection. How to avoid American influence ruining it? If you live in a first world country, your culture is already affected by America. All those "cool" Hollywood movies and popular music, are full of American brainwashing. But hey, at least you can watch gigantic Iron Man fighting with gigantic Hulk and destroying a town, cool explosions included. If you live in some dictatorship, don't worry: Your beloved leader, Father of the Nation, will protect you from imperialist propaganda. If you live in a third world country, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. You are poor, they are not interested. Also you have famine and AIDS. What are you even doing here? Go take care of your starving family!

Avoiding "real" invasion[edit]

That's a little bit harder. Lets list things you can do:

  • Do not have oil Repeat: Do not have oil. This is very very important. Oil attracts them. Don't have it.
  • If you have oil, join NATO That should help. Norway has done it, and it has not been invaded (yet). Unfortunately, you can't join NATO if you're not a western country.
  • If you have oil, get rid of it Burn it all in a big ass bonfire. Build a pipeline and pump it all to sea or something. Donate it to America, so they don't have to come get it. Donate it to neighboring countrys that you don't like. Whatever you do, do it fast. There might still be time!
  • Already have freedom Too bad that they define it, not you.
  • Already have democracy Read above.
  • Don't have oil Since we absolutely cannot stress this enough
  • Don't have weapons of mass destruction Easy.
  • Don't support terrorists They don't like it.
  • Don't have terrorists as citizens That's hard to make sure, just hope.
  • Don't look like a terrorist If there are Arabs in there, you are damned.
  • And last but not least - in fact most important - thing: DO. NOT. HAVE. OIL. Remember this.

Hopefully this was helpful. If Americans still come to your country, start praying to Jesus, Allah or whichever god it is that you worship that America doesn't turn you into a giant sheet of glass.