Dak Prescott

“YEEEAAAHHHHHH HERE WE GOOOO”

~ Dak Prescott's cadence

“YEEEAAAHHHHHH HERE WE GOOOO”

~ Dak Prescott about to ride that roller coaster at Six Flags

“YEEEAAAHHHHHH HERE WE GOOOO”

~ Dak Prescott about to, y'know, get busy with his special lady

“YEEEAAAHHHHHH HERE WE GOOOO”

~ Dak Prescott about to drop a massive grumpy after eating that special Texas tenderloin

“Yeah, here we go”

~ Dak Prescott's cadence when Dallas is down 69-10 with 20 seconds left in the game

“What's up, fellow fraud”

~ Tua Tagovailoa on Dak Prescott

Rayne Dakota "Dak Attack" Prescott is an American fraud that plays quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys of the National Football League. He took over for another fraud, Tony "the homo" Romo and at least doesn't choke in the regular season, but chokes every time he faces the Green Bay Packers in the Wild Card or Divisional Round. That's progress.. apparently. At this rate the Cowboys will finally win another Super Bowl by 2050 if the next guy at quarterback continues the trend.

Dak's most effective weapon is not CeeDee Lamb, Dez Bryant, Zeke Elliot, or his occasional scrambling ability, but his pre-snap cadence. By screaming the most annoying, cliché thing ever, he stuns the defense into a stupor with his "Dak Attack", leaving his receivers wide freakin' open, and Cowboys fans love it. However, this tactic fails to work outside of Dallas, as his annoying cadence is drowned out by opposing fans. With his Dak Attack neutralized in enemy territory, Prescott actually has to play against a legit defense, and the results are quite predictable, in typical post-1996 Cowboys fashion.

Early life

Born to Nate and Peggy Prescott, Dak was the youngest of his numerous siblings. As a result of his brothers and sister always one-upping him, Dak had to come up with some way of making an impact. So he developed a loud-ass voice and became quite a troll.

For the longest time, Prescott had claimed he had mutated during a freak accident while playing Pokémon with his friends, and that as a result, he now has some Loudred DNA in his blood, hence his "Dak Attack". However, scientists at Uncyclopedia have done some investigation and discovered that unlike some of the other quarterbacks of the 2010s and 2020s, such as Patrick Mahomes, Josh Allen, Joe Burrow, and even Tua Tagovailoa, Prescott's claim is absolutely false, thereby making him a fraudulent mutant/cyborg quarterback compared to the others.

Nonetheless, the NFL does not care and has allowed Prescott to keep cheating because he plays for "America's team".

Career

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