Cause to drink

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Probably wise if you just get another one.

Cause to drink or casus is sort of virus. Distinctive features of casus are extreme diversity, short term of life and very small size. Size of these creatures is so small, that nobody saw them. However, theoretical researches don’t keep any doubt for them existence.

Sorts of casus[edit | edit source]

Legal casus[edit | edit source]

This is the most dangerous casus from epidemiological point of view. Often all people with rare exception, is subjected to infection. For example, such culture of casus as New Year infects even children, who are is not subjected to infection usually. As a rule the sort is characterized by wide distribution and exact date of mass flight.

The quantity of cultures and subspecies of this sort is very mush and there isn’t any possible for some classification. There are casus which have the wide geographical natural habitat (for example, New Year, 4th July, the Queen Birthday), there are casus, which live only in the place (“Day of founded Asshole-village”). There are casus which infects all mankind, there are casus which infects only certain group of man, because national characteristic, f.e. “Ramasan” or professional characteristic, f.e. “Three centenaries of Mongol air forces”, because gender – as a rule, men are more subjected to infection then woman.

As well it is necessary to mark out the virus depending on the power. For example, it is unlikely somebody has any immunity to “New Year”, but such cultures as “Day of Boston tea-drinking” can not such hard influence to organism.

With some purpose a lot of this culture is supported and protected by state. However, government takes strong measures for protection of health and during days of mass flight protects the attendance of work place.

Home casus[edit | edit source]

This culture of casus is almost tame by man and often (but not always) has fixed day of mass flight. The natural habitat of this culture is small and usually is confined by home. The infection is determined by familiar links. Colleagues and friends can be infected too. Unlike other cultures of casus, it is very easy to find out the nidus: for example, everybody is carrier of culture “Birthday”. If carrier has arrived at work place in time of virus activity, all colleagues may be infected. As a carrier two men can be – f.e. virus “Marriage”, and even corpse (culture “Funeral repast”). Virus “Funeral repast” annihilates competitive culture “Birthday”.

Wild casus[edit | edit source]

It is extremely dangerous and aggressive sort of casus as because abruptness as hard consequences of infection. However, this culture infects a small circle of persons. This culture inhabits in places of crowd: near shops, pubs, restaurants, at work places, roads etc… If quantity of legal casus though is large but is amenable to the score theoretically, then quantity of wild casus is impossible to score absolutely. In connection with it, almost all wild casus are not called. With peculiar to them aggress, wild casus attack the men, delves into body and if they found out likely environment, infects the unfortunate wretch. It is clear science has revealed basic tendency of life of wild casus. So, more viruses are flying to hunt by evening then by morning, more by weekend then by work days, but at whole the behavior is poorly understood. Out of named casus is well-known and well understood such casus as “Hard day”. The mass flight of this culture is beginning near 5 clocks every work day.

Consequences of the infection are predicted hardly. Sometimes the sick survives the infection well, sometimes the culture strikes seriously and creates presuppositions to infect by hard culture “Hang-over”

Man which is infected by culture "Hang-Over"

Other sorts[edit | edit source]

There are casus which is impossible to consider to some category. So, for example, recently the power culture “Win of Russian football team” has revealed, which wasn’t earlier. Casus “Hang-over” is well-known too. Unlike other cultures, the casus strikes only organism which is paralysed by other casus. Medical treatment of this virus is very complex problem: the virus is very steady to medication; therefore medical procedures must be provided only by qualified personnel. There is such group of casus like “Hunt”, “Fishing”, “Picnic”. This group lives in woods, on the banks of rivers – out of city. They are reproduced at any season.

Infection[edit | edit source]

Process of infection is not well-known. Probably the virus delves into body by air-tiny way. Curiously but fact: the infection is transferring even by phone.

Symptoms[edit | edit source]

Usually, symptoms of infection are showed immediately. Diseases, which are induced by legal and home casus may be proceed from the beginning cryptically. It is observed: irritability, aversion to work, depression, schizophrenic and paranoid symptoms or conversely – unfounded merriment, gusto.

The cure[edit | edit source]

He it was all along. Get it down you son.

There is only one known medicine – to take ethyl alcohol (C2H5OH) by various concentrations and in various solutions. Besides some solutions may be introduced by rectal way or intravenous injection. However, these methods have not a wide distribution and are defensible only because absence enough quantity of the medicine

At whole any culture may be destroyed by any medicine but there are more or less preferred medicines. So, for example, for treatment of sickness which is produced by culture “Hard Day” (especially spring-summer sort) such medicine as “Beer” makes a good showing. The medicine is applied by quantity of 30-50 ml per kilogram of weight. Treatment of sickness which is produced by culture “New Year” is hardly to treat by “Beer”, better to resort to power medicine as “Vodka

It is necessary to mark dependence of the heaviness of sickness because nationality, age, profession, gender and some another factors of a sick.

For example, children before 12-14 years old are not subjected to infection practically. Further men lose innate immunity, sicknesses are more often and consequences are more hardly. Peak of heaviness and quantity of medicine is at 30-50 years, and then draught may be reduced.

Slavonic people are subjected to infection more than other nations. Therefore the draught which use for treatment of Slavonic is much more. Such draught cans bring death for representative of other nations.

In some land the prophylactic method is elaborated f.e. in France men take medicine during day and therefore they are not subjected to infection by wild casus.

Curiously, men who practice Islam are not subjected to infection by casus. Probably it is linked with effect of cannabis - into organism of average Arab content of cannabis surpass content of oxygen.

There are persons who are subjected to infection by casus less, f.e. professional sportsmen, vegetarians,

The treatment is better provided in collective. In Russia collective 3 men is accepted and scientifically-grounded.

Mistakes of mankind[edit | edit source]

At whole mistakes are linked with that fact, so-called scientists (Wikipedia) stay cart before horse. For example, in them opinion some when at 4th July the some independence was announced (!) or at Bastille Day some Bastille, supposedly some when was in existence, had taken. These phenomenally pseudo-scientific allegations can not bring anything, except laugh. Really does it not make one laugh, when so-called scientists say that 1st January New Year is beginning? What a New Year? And when is Old Year? They say Earth rotates around Sun and every year new turnover is beginning supposedly. We, who knows Earth lies on tentacles of Great Cthulhu, may not talk about it seriously.

True is there isn’t any Bastille and isn’t any announce of Independent. All these days are dated to days of mass flight of various sorts of casus. A long time ago it is well-known – man can not stop mass flight. At that time uncivilized people did not work at such days but did take a medicine instinctively. Earlier, they said “Day of New Year is began”, having in view day of mass flight same name virus. As time goes by real reason had forgot and they was beginning these days simply “New Year”, “Easter”, Christmas, Halloween etc. Then new modifications of virus appeared – f.e. “Mother’s Day” or “Day of Cosmonautics”. But it is necessary to remember: there isn’t any Christmas or Cosmonautics and there is day of mass flight of culture “Christmas” and day of mass flight of culture “Cosmonautics”.

Second mistake is consequence of first mistake. Somebody can think men drink alcohol for to take a pleasure. No! To drink alcohol is the barest necessity, like air, water and food. In other case mankind could perish.

It is necessary to remember – casus are everywhere and maybe right now you have infected.