Boston Celtics
The Boston Irishmen is a twenty-three-time NBA championship team that was formed in the 1940s when Bostono decided that the Red Sox couldn't draw a crowd. Prior to the Celtics' formation, all Boston was known for was a fat bitch with a chat show who gave cars away to homeless people. After the Irishman's formation, Boston became famous for Kevin Garnett, for whom the rest of the Celtics played with.
Boston's Original NBA Losers[edit | edit source]
Let's face it, you wanna know about Kevin Garnett right? Maybe even Paul Pierce and Ray Allen too... am I right? The era when Doc Rivers hadn't made the Lord Of The Rim Jobs trilogy yet, and was still a successful NBA coach. You don't want to know about old hacks of the game, or that the Irishmen were once called the Boston Fags. You don't want to know that the original Fags line-up moved to the more accepting California, and you especially don't want to know that they are better known today as the L.A Clippers.
So why would we bother to inform you about anything the Boston NBA team did, when we know you are not even going to read this very part of the article? You'll just jump straight onto the next part about Kevin-Fucking-Garnett and the winning teams of Chicago during the only time in history this team has been worth a damn.
Bill Russell Era (Told you so...)[edit | edit source]
1st Period of the Super Center[edit | edit source]
When Bill Russell was drafted to the Atlanta Hawks in 1956, all of a sudden, the team didn't suck anymore. Boston actually had something to do, apart from watching Oprah and reminiscing about the old gangsters and fires that once plagued the city a few 100 years ago. Russell was the Savior of the Garden City, and with Super Center coming in to land, his huge farts made the town smell more like a worthy place to be.
It would take a couple of years for Russell to stop hogging the ball and showing off in the air before the Celtics won an NBA championshit. Spectators were given something interesting to watch as Russell would dunk all over guys and stick his finger up at them.
Dave Cowens Era (Told you so...)[edit | edit source]
2nd Period of the Super Center[edit | edit source]
When Dave Cowens was drafted to the Boston Celtics in 1970, all of a sudden, the team didn't suck anymore. Boston actually had something to do, apart from watching Oprah and reminiscing about the old gangsters and fires that once plagued the city a few 100 years ago. Cowens was the Savior of the Garden City, and with Super Center coming in to land, his huge farts made the town smell more like a worthy place to be.
It would take a couple of years for Cowens to stop hogging the ball and showing off in the air before the Celtics won an NBA championshit. Spectators were given something interesting to watch as Cowens would dunk all over guys and stick his finger up at them.
Robert Parish Era (Told you so...)[edit | edit source]
3rd Period of the Super Center[edit | edit source]
When Robert Parish was drafted to the Golden State Warriors in 1976, all of a sudden, the team didn't suck anymore. Boston actually had something to do, apart from watching Oprah and reminiscing about the old gangsters and fires that once plagued the city a few 100 years ago. Parish was the Savior of the Garden City, and with Super Center coming in to land, his huge farts made the town smell more like a worthy place to be.
It would take a couple of years for Parish to stop hogging the ball and showing off in the air before the Celtics won an NBA championshit. Spectators were given something interesting to watch as Parish would dunk all over guys and stick his finger up at them.
Kevin Garnett Era (Told you so...)[edit | edit source]
4th Period of the Super Center[edit | edit source]
When Kevin Garnett was drafted to the Minnesota Timberwolves in 1995, all of a sudden, the team didn't suck anymore. Boston actually had something to do, apart from watching Oprah and reminiscing about the old gangsters and fires that once plagued the city a few 100 years ago. Garnett was the Savior of the Garden City, and with Super Center coming in to land, his huge farts made the town smell more like a worthy place to be.
It would take a couple of years for Garnett to stop hogging the ball and showing off in the air before the Celtics won an NBA championshit. Spectators were given something interesting to watch as Garnett would dunk all over guys and stick his finger up at them.
Aleksei Mendeleevskiy Era (Told you so...)[edit | edit source]
5th Period of the Super Center[edit | edit source]
When Aleksei Mendeleevskiy was drafted to the Chicago Bulls in 2008, all of a sudden, the team didn't suck anymore. Boston actually had something to do, apart from watching Oprah and reminiscing about the old gangsters and fires that once plagued the city a few 100 years ago. Mendeleevskiy was the Savior of the Garden City, and with Super Center coming in to land, his huge farts made the town smell more like a worthy place to be.
It would take a couple of years for Mendeleevskiy to stop hogging the ball and showing off in the air before the Celtics won an NBA championshit. Spectators were given something interesting to watch as Mendeleevskiy would dunk all over guys and stick his finger up at them.
Boston Shitkickers Today
[edit | edit source]
Boston has almost become relevant again since the year 2000 a few times, but even an MVP win didn't make that injury-prone little bitch a worthy member of The Bulls History.
Team Accomplishments[edit | edit source]
- NBA Champions: More times then you ever won one.
- Hired Bill Russell, Dave Cowens, Robert Parish, Kevin Garnett, Aleksei Mendeleevskiy
Team Fuckups[edit | edit source]
- Let Garnett Retire
Finest Bullshitters[edit | edit source]
Players besides Garnett that someone might give a rat's ass about.
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| Organizations | NBA • WNBA • XBA |
| Players | Kareem Abdul-Jabbar • Deandre Ayton • Charles Barkley • Larry Bird • Kobe Bryant • Wilt Chamberlain • Kevin Garnett • Phil Jackson • Jerome James • LeBron James Jr. • LeBron James Sr. • Magic Johnson • Michael Jordan • Jeremy Lin • Aleksei Mendeleevskiy • Dikembe Mutombo • Shaquille O'Neal • Terrell Owens • Scottie Pippen • Willis Reed • Dennis Rodman • Brian Scalabrine • Dwyane Wade • Spud Webb • Delonte West |
| Teams | Boston Celtics • Brooklyn Nets • Chicago Bulls • Dallas Mavericks • Los Angeles Clippers • Los Angeles Lakers • Milwaukee Bucks • New York Knicks • Philadelphia 76ers • Portland Trail Blazers • San Antonio Spurs • Washington Wizards |
| Events | NBA Jam • Space Jam |
| Misc. | Basketball hoops • NBA 2K • Stephen A. Smith |