“One night, I had a date with this old hack, but he didn't come, 'cause he was looking for a war!”
“He Sucked My Blood!”
“Hey, that's wild, huh Marilyn? How 'bout I kick your ass?”
Sir Bob Hope, KBE, KCSG, KSS (born Leslie Townes Hope; May 29, 1903 – July 27, 2003) was a British-born American comedian and actor who appeared in vaudeville, on Broadway, and vampire who just refused to die.
Bob (he lets me call him Bob) began his career in vaudeville before becoming a Nazi eater, and, after a 1000 year accociation with the sport, he escaped his prison and moved to film and, as his face fell into disrepair, radio. Hope's success as an entertainer is largely a mystery. Some credit it to an act of unimaginable brutality in his early childhood, others credit it to his uncanny ability to stand Bing Crosby. All agree however that his success cannot be attributed to his jokes which were, largely, awful.
Until his "death" in 2003 Bob Hope was the United States only living weapon of mass destruction. Regularly deployed to combat zones under the guise of "Entertainment Tours" Bob would reign firey hell upon whichever country happened to be unlucky enough to be at war with the United States. These "firey hell"'s usually took the form of golf jokes.
Becoming a Vampire
Bob Hope was embraced as a vampire (not to be confused with "Embrace of the Vampire", in which Bob stars) by George Burns on May 29 2003. (It has been thought that the hundreds and thousands of tonns of human flesh he has consumed contributed to his vamparic ways.) It was widely reported at the time that Burns felt Bob deserved something special for his 100th birthday and that "being an undead monster is a gift that keeps on giving". Bob was last seen flying over the Pebble Beach Golf course as fast as his little bat wings would carry him.
- 1938: Road to Detroit
- 1940: Road to Singapore
- 1941: Road to Zanzibar; Road to Victory; Road Hard;
- 1942: Road to Morocco; Road Harder
- 1943: Road around the Rosy; The Road Warrior; The Road To Rhodesia
- 1944: Rocky Road, Bob Hope vs The Road Runner
- 1945: Road to Rio, Embrace of the Vampire
- 1946 - 1959: The rest of Bob Hope's Movies
Here are a few facts about Bob Hope.
- When He was in his twenties, Hope was Carrie Fisher's English teacher.
- Bob Hope has won seventeen awards.
- His brother, Bing Crosby was hot-headed.
- Used to smuggle Mexicans across the border under the guise of Dave Thomas.
- Nazis Are delicious
- He enjoys playing patty-cake