Baby conveyor belt
The baby conveyor belt is an ingenious method of population reduction that is soon to be implemented by several of the more Catholic governments of the world. Hopefully all of your questions will be answered by this informative article.
The Device[edit | edit source]
The baby conveyor belt is a mechanical marvel of inginuity and pure necessity. An actual conveyor belt, baby are placed on, and after several processes exterminated. First, a newborn baby is placed on the conveyor where it precedes to step two. Second, the baby is sprinkled with Holier Water, which is more powerful than Holy Water because it was blessed by a Bishop and/or Cardinal and/or Pope, thus eliminating the need of a priest so that it can be used to baptize. Now that the baby is baptized in the name of the Lord, it can precede to step three. Thirdly, the baby raises its head and opens its mouth to receive a tab of yellow LSD. The drug is administered so that the baby feels it is able to fly. The baby now continues to step four. Fourthly, the baby falls off of the conveyor belt, and into the waiting arms of a catapult. The baby is then catapulted into a brick wall. Finally, the baby's carcass falls into a fire used to eliminate the body. This is commonly accepted as an alternative to abortion. If a baby is not baptized it cannot reach heaven, instead it must wait in purgatory. This method allows for the baby to reach heaven.
History[edit | edit source]
The baby conveyor belt has had an illustrious back door history. Although it was never full recognized as an alternative to abortion, it has had a devoted following since its beginning. This device originated in ancient Rome, probably about 40 B.C.E. Despite never being claimed by any one designer, historians are fairly certain that it was first created by a group commonly know as The Horny Bastards. The original device was plagued with technical issues, and the baby had to be slaughtered by hand. One particular thing to note was that it was not used as a religious tool at first. It was simply used to exterminate the unwanted children of the group, conceived when there was no enemy muscle tissue to use as a condom. Although no actually age maximum was established, it was generally considered improper to execute a child over one year. After several techinical improvements, the device was more thorough than a pack of ravenous bears. With the origination of Christianity the baby conveyor belt largely fell out of use. In little more than 500 years, or roughly 500 c.e., the device was back in full swing, serving the Catholic Church as a means of exterminating the young of peasants without saying they may never reach heaven. Although it remained a close door practice, it was widely acknowledged as the most humane way to reduce the population. The baby conveyor belt received much of its noted work during the Spainsh Inquisition. The device was used to torture those who were unwilling to convert to Catholisim. Their children would be placed on the belt, Baptized into the faith they despised, and then savagely massacred. During this period it is believed that a brick wall and a catapult was now used instead of butchery by knifes. This seemed to be the most ultimate way of breaking the Moorish spirit. It had a remarkably high level of conversion. Now in the present we find abortion to be the more humane way of killing the youth. However, in some select areas, the conveyor still finds work, helping the lost souls of the youth claim heaven as their own.
Religion[edit | edit source]
Although not endorsed by the Catholic Church as an alternative to abortion, they do not specifically state that it is wrong. They do, however, strongly state that they had no idea it was ever being used, even though they had priest say the proper blessings before Holier Water was invented. Eventually the device is slated to replace the cannabalistic sacrifice of communion.
Drugs[edit | edit source]
LSD has become the drug of choice purely for its hallucinating qualities. It is considered more humane if the babies are not entirely aware of what is going on.