Ancient Korea

Ancient Korea was made of three warring kingdoms that pretty much all fought amongst themselves and occasionally looked to big daddy China in hopes that it would take their side.

These kingdoms were:

• Goguryeo - was huge and they were like, "Damn we're huge. Have you ever seen anything as huge as us? Let's take over part of China. Oh shit! Here comes Xena! Aaah! She's so hot though ..."
• Silla - in the southeast and basically kicked ass under the wise but ruthless leadership of the famous woman queen, Xena the Warrior Princess (선덕 Seondeok).
• Baekje. - on the west coast and they were like, "Whatup bro, want a toke?" but then Silla kicked their asses.

Then there was the Tamna kingdom on what's now Jeju island. They basically hung out at the beach and ate abalone the whole time while the rest of the Koreans killed each other and ate kimchi. Oh yeah, lastly there was the tiny Gaya kingdom down on the southern tip of the peninsula, good friends with a close relationship with Japan. Treehuggers.

Relations with Japan

The Mongols were looking for new places for their horses to graze (and to crap, so they weren't grazing in horse crap - the horses, not the Mongols). The Mongols found Korea told the Koreans "Thanks for helping us get to Japan, aren't our swords shiny and sharp?", and the Koreans were like "Sure, we'll help you get to Japan". So the Mongols tried to invade Japan by cutting across Korea's yard, but they got sloppy and a big wind sunk their ships. Twice - no joke. Later the Japanese remembering that their friendly neighbors in Korea helped the Mongols, decided that Korea should help Japan invade China. The Koreans, having already had their fill of company lately, politely declined the offer. Japan invited themselves over anyway and made themselves at home in Korea for a few years. They were going to stay on Korea's couch, but when they realized Korea didn't have a couch, decided to conquer the country instead. A Korean Naval Admiral (ship Naval, not belly button navel), kicked Japan's butt. Twice. The Admiral died, but so did the Japanese leader, so it was pretty much a draw. Japan went home, having overstayed their welcome, and the Chinese reinforcements to Korea's cause got bored and took their swords and went home too. Later still the Japanese, still butt-hurt over losing to Korea, visited Korea for a few more years after the first World War, but got kicked out when the Americans realized that Korea made really good T.V.'s.