Acer Inc.

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The all new Acer Microwave form factor, with 2Ghz of Intel Core Cooking power!

“These are the computers we buy when we don't want to spend any money. Although we pay for it in the long run, if you get what I'm saying...”

~ IT Administrator on Acer

“We purchase Acer computers, because we don't really care about the speed or quality of the components. It's full of shit! We end up giving them away to hapless students when we're done with them anyway”

~ Department of Education, Australia

“Acers are available in many form factors. They are so versatile there's even a microwave form factor”

~ Acer promoting their own products

Acer Inc. is a computer company that specializes in producing cheap, low quality machines suited for applications such as schools, governments and homes who don't really care about the quality and just want a cheap computer. Acer was invented in 1978 out of the ashes of Gateway by Marcus__. Nevertheless, Acer have squeezed computers into many form factors than any other company before it.

Invention of the MFF (Microwave Form Factor)[edit]

MFF Intel Core Sticker, which has been stamped as a fake by Intel themselves. It does function as a good microwave though!

In 2004, Acer released a new form factor called the Microwave Form Factor. This very flexible form factor allows computers to be merged with microwaves. MFF computers are extremely affordable microwave computers that double up as a microwave (duhh). Features of the flagship Acer Aspirawave 5600:

  • 2.4GHz Intel Shitteron Intel Core Microwave Edition processor, with 802.11b+g network prevention technology, so no neighbors will ever hack into your wireless internets again!
  • 1 Byte of RAM
  • -500GB Soft Disk Drive (it comes hard, but after using for a few minutes, it becomes soft
  • 13.3" Door to view what is happening on your Aspirawave
  • 13L Capacity

Although Acer Aspiravaves are very safe, there are a few things you should be aware of:

  • Do not put metal into the Aspirawave. Your machine will asplode and all your data will be written to the soft drive in an encrypted format that only Acer can decrypt.
  • Do not put any peripherals into the Aspirawave. This includes the keyboard and mouse. The door allows you to cook food on your Intel Core Microwave Edition processor, which is housed inside (hence the term, Intel Inside) and produces microwaves.
  • Do not open the door while your Aspirawave is switched on. You will be exposed to lethal amounts of radiation.

Acer Criticisms[edit]

Acer computers are widely renowned as being different to other computers. However, while Acer have earned the title of being the worst computers ever, they don't have battery explosions like Dell laptops do. However, this is probably due to the fact that batteries aren't included with any Acer laptop and cost an extra $200 (excluding tax). Another feature of Acer computers is the absurd warranty scheme. Getting service for your Acer is basically impossible due to the fact that Acer outsource their technical support to Dell. However, Dell employees aren't told this, so when you ring up about your Acer, they have no idea what the hell is happening (that is, if you even get through to them in the first place).

Shit processors[edit]

Intel Shitteron processor, typically found in Acer computers.!
AMD Crapron processor, another processor typically found in Acer computers.!

Acer have also been accused of using inferior processors, such as Intel Shitteron and AMD Crapron processors and badging their computers with Intel Core 2 Duo stickers instead. This is a concern for Intel, and they are currently filing a lawsuit for Acer, which they'll win, due to the fact that no one wants Acer to succeed in their evil plans to take over the computer world. AMD have refused to comment about the Crapron processors installed in the Acer machines. Intel has also stayed quiet on it's shitteron processors even though Acer are masquerading them as Intel Core 2 Duo processors.

Shit-on-delivery[edit]

Another complaint is that the computer itself looks like a piece of shit that has been battered around and had all sorts of things done to it. Acer assures us that this is normal, due to the fact that Acers are meant to look like shit and look like they have been thrown around lots.

Run slow or freeze[edit]

If you are holding an Acer computer (particularly an Acer Aspire One netbook series), it often gets slow or keeps freezing now and then. In such case, if you don't want to pay for expensive hardware upgrade, go get speed up Acer solution instead.

Acer Disposal Service[edit]

The Acer bin. This is where your Acer belongs

Due to the high volume of Acers that are being disposed of every day, Acer has started a landfill disposal recycling service for Acers that are older than 2 months (which according to an Acer study, is how long it will take for your Acer to be useless) to be collected. All you have to do is put your Acer into an especially marked bin that says Acer on it. Then, just like the Knight Bus in Harry Potter, an Acer garbage truck will instantly show up and collect your Garbage. Then they will cast a spell on you so you never remember buying it in the first place and you will end up purchasing another one. You will find yourself in an endless loop, as you find yourself buying yourself a new Acer every few months. When your money runs out, your Acer addiction will lead you to shoplift and otherwise steal money, so you can feed your Acer addiction. The best cure for Acer addiction is prevention, therefore, if you see anyone who is about to purchase an Acer, prevent them from doing so. This will give you a warm and fuzzy feeling and give you the impression you're doing something for the community.

Dell vs. Acer?[edit]

Dellace. The name says it all™

Recently, a fight broke out between these two rival rubbish computer manufacturers. However, at the end, they suddenly became friends, even announcing a brand new line of computers called the "Aspiron" range. This is supposedly a cross between the Acer Aspire range and the Dell Inspiron range. The computer will have a "Dellace" badge on it to signify the involvement of the two companies. When the Dellace range of computers is released, experts predict a 50% increase in the sale of computers. This will be caused by the initial rush of people buying Dellace machines, and then the subsequent repurchases down the track when they break down every two months. While not promoted at all, the 2 minute warranty is predicted to be the Dellace's most controversial feature, causing consumers to basically have no warranty at all. Unless of course it breaks down before exiting the store, which is unlikely due to the fact that Dellace's are timed to work for approximately 10 minutes of use.