Anarchy

“Why do Anarchist's drink herbal tea? Because Proper Tea is theft!”

~ Your Mum on Anarchy

“I am an antichrist, I am an anarchist”

~ Johnny Rotten on Anarchy

“That doesn't even rhyme you fucking tool”

~ Oscar Wilde on Rotten's Lyrics

“Ah, but that's intentional - I am subverting the rhyming couplet”

~ Johnny Rotten on Wilde's Critique

“...!!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Rotten's Reposte

“Shit, Johnny Rotten just blew Oscar's mind with his anarchism!”

~ A Gold Hat on Anarchy

Definition of Anarchy

Anarchy

(3) A system (or disorganised coincidence of social norms) where people (or non-people) of all kinds (or unkinds), with many differing (or identical) beliefs (or unbeliefs) can live (or die) together (or seperate) creating (or destroying) their own little (or large) habitats cohabiting with others (or living alone) as hermits (or socialites) unmolested (or molested) by people (or animals) who think (or acting pre-intellectually) they should be living (or dying) a different (or the same) way.

(1) What happens on the first day of the January sales.

(4) When you leave the kids unattended for more than three seconds.

(2) What happens inside my brain whenever I try to follow orders.

(18) Ignoring repressive bullshit like numerology.

What is Anarchism?

Hatched by Mikhail Bakunin by an egg laid by Pierre Proudhon, anarchism is a rebel ideology that doesn't like authority. It spent a lot of time in detention in primary school, and was expelled in secondary school. Many have argued that it is chaos and bomb-making, and as far as this author knows, this must be true.

Anarchy in practice

In modern times, anarchy has been the system in place for over a decade now in Somalia, where it has successfully alleviated poverty and brought the nation out of long periods of war. The people of Somalia have been living happily ever since. Other smaller pockets of prosperous anarchist communities can be found throughtout Africa, as well as in Western Asia, Eastern Europe, and South America. On the flipside, experiments in anarchy in Denmark have led to murder and drug abuse, depopulating Greenland. This is exactly what Anarchism founder Max Stirner wanted.

Anarchists in countries with governments are often active in opposition movements. They operate peacefully, registering voters, organizing petition drives, and working within the system to bring about the change they seek.

Anarchy in non-human species

An anarchist bat, resolutely hanging downside-down, as is his right as an autonomous individual.

A rarely-photographed picture of Bob, a sub-aqua anarchist cow, who lives on the East-Indian Ocean floor. Sub-aqua anarchist cows are thought to surface at least once a year in order to blow shit up, because it's hard to light bombs underwater.

It's not just humans who are anarchists. Anarchy appears in nature all the time. This is most common in cows, who are well known for being a species willing to act against authority and eager to subvert the social norms imposed upon them by authority figures.

Subcategories of Anarchism

• Post-anarchism - Anarchism by mail
• Postmodern anarchism - Anarchsism by email
• Philosophical Anarchism - Thinking about blowing shit up, but not actually doing it
• Anarchosyndicalism - Workers wanting to do less work
• Christian Anarchism - Often read The Bible backwards and/or while on the loo
• Spiritual Anarchism - Anarchism for drunk people
• Mutual Anarchism - "I want to be an anarchist if you do"
• Mootual Anarchism - The anarchist philosophy of cows
• Anarcho-Communism - Happy shiny people world

That's right, this image is in here twice. Why? Because we're sticking it to the Man, that's why.

How to spot an anarchist

• They have crazy eyes
• They often carry small bombs, used for blowing shit up. these are usually spherical, have a long wick, and have the word 'bomb' written on them in white letters.
• Anarchists will happily ignore 'please do not walk on the grass' signs
• Anarchists put their feet up on other seats when travelling on public transport
• Anarchists will put their drink straight down on the table, without using a coaster!
• Most anarchists always wear black. However, knowledgable intellectual anarchists occasionally avoid wearing black in order to subvert preconceptions about the way that anarchists dress. Very knowledgable intellectual anarchists subvert the stereotype of how knowledgable anarchist intellectuals occasionally avoid wearing black by never avoiding wearing black. The really really knowledgable intellectual anarchists realise that it doesn't matter what you wear as long as you are (1) Making bombs to blow shit up, and (2) You never use a coaster.
• Doesn't eat meat, though may partake in cannablism
• Don't like prosperity and a successful economy; because industry is too orderly
• Try to make you feel bad by using large words to decribe your life. (like unguided masses, facist plebians, communist propganda, or LOLZ)

The difference between anarchists and communists

Anarchist- I really like Avril Lavine lk OMG!!!! No more rUlz!!!!!

Communist- The color red looks much nicer, and I feel cool because I know what dialectic materialism means!

How to BE an anarchist

• Listen to Anti-Flag
• blow shit up
• learn to manically cackle after you've blown shit up. Don't do it before you blow shit up, cos that might get you caught
• wear black, at least until you become intellectual enough to comprehend the inevitable paradox inherent in the dilemma of defining/actively refusing to reflect your political beliefs through your choice of clothes.
• Become a zoosexual, or join peta

The Eleven Commandments of Anarchism

1. Thou shalt NOT commiteth anarchy while legally imposed upon by any traffic control device. (Like a red light, stop sign, dead granny on the road etc..)
2. Thou shalt NOT commiteth anarchy involving anyone over 3 inches taller than, or 45 pounds heavier than thou. Midgets are exempt from this rule because, hey, its funny to watch little dudes kick-ass.
3. Thou shalt NOT commiteth anarchy in the presence of any Agent of the Law, unless you are confident that you can run faster than him and his bullets.
4. Thou shalt makest every attempt to avoideth commiting anarchy in a 4- or small 6-cylinder car. (Chases are an integral part of anarchy, and you DON'T want to be on the losing end of one!)
5. Thou shalt carry at least 2 instruments of physical abuse for every 3 people in the car. (Such instruments would include baseball bats, crowbars, thick metal poles, 6+ inch hunting knives, .44's, rifles, and the like.) And, of course, lots of small black bombs with long fuses.
6. Thou shalt NEVER commiteth anarchy whilst alone. Anarchy is only fun when others are around to see it and either be impressed or offended. Or blown to shit.
7. Thou shalt make every attempt to avoideth committing anarchy in any car lacking a FULLY functioning horn, fully functional brakes, or a chassis.
8. Thou shalt keepeth each door locked at ALL times, unless opening it is involved in the anarchy. Thou shalt be fully prepard to roll the windows up at any point. Such actions undertaken on a submarine may be effective,
9. Anarchy should never be directed at women, children, or cute little kittens. Unless they are in or around a McDonalds, Starbucks, or Walmart, in which case they're fair game.
10. Thou shalt make every attempt to avoideth committing anarchy with anymembers of the female gender in the anarchizing crew. (Such members tend to be more readily offended by crude sexual jokes, and repeated fondlings.) Plus, female anarchists tend to be a bit minging.

Ooh look at their crayzee eyes and dodgy beards!

11. Thou shalt not let anything influence you, especially a list of commandments. Letting these sentences influence you is even worse.

Anarchist Top-Trumps

Thanks to corporate sponsorship of our education and learning establishments, the only government-sanctioned way to learn about anarchism is by playing Anarchist Top Trumps (available from all good toy stores, colleges, schools and half-price at Walmart).

Thanks to their research, we now know that bearded Frenchie PJ Proudhon was an ardent lover of Kitten Huffing, but couldn't quite cut it in the beardage stakes with his great rival Ba-Ba-Bakunin, lover of the Russian Queen. Now there was a cat that really was gone.

Famous Anarchists

• Rod Hull.
• Oscar Wilde.
• Zippy from Rainbow.
• Bart Simpson (Series II-VI).
• Doctor Emmet Brown from 'Back to the Future'.
• Murdoch from the A-Team.
• The guy who organises the TV Schedules.
• All French people.
• Brad Pitt and his cool alter ego
• Nim Chimpsky
• John the Hooker
• Father Jack Hackett
• Ren (but NOT Stimpy)

See Also

• Anarchism
• Government
• War
• Freedom
• Gun
• Bakunin
• Communists
• Jack Bauer