XCOM 2

XCOM 2, created by Firaxis "why the fuck is this game so hard" Games, is a very difficult video game. The game promises months of rage-quitting content! Fun for all!

This game is really fncking hard, don't play it unless you like hard games, or you will die before you beat this game. Seriously.

Plot / Story

None, all you do is murder innocent aliens from an evil organization called ADVENT.

Gameplay

This game starts off looking like a fun game, and immediately pits you off against a really hard tutorial were you will lose two of your soldiers no matter what you do.

The game lies about the accuracy of shots. 75% chance to hit actually means 0% chance to hit, and a literal 100% chance to hit shot always misses! Last time I checked, the words "hit" and "miss" mean completely different things.

ADVENT will occasionally attack criminal camps, called "resistance havens", and kill civilians. You need to save those civilians. But why bother, if they're just gonna stand still to get shot at? They don't even pretend they value their lives.

To make things worse, there are these things called "dark events" that make this game just fucking impossible! Even on the easiest difficulty!

It doesn't help that you are also on a time crunch before doomsday. You need to stop the aliens from completing this "AVATAR" project. I dont get it. Why do the Elders need a new body? They're ugly degenerates, are they? Sounds a lot like you. And all other XCOM players as well. I don't see them making a new body from the genes of many different aliens and humans.

Look at me! I have some fancypants magic powers! I can make you shoot yourself! I'm also a necromancer. I'm fucking awesome or something!

On some missions, you may encounter these degenerate redditors called the Lost. These zombies appear in swarms, and the sound of explosions attract them. When they see its just people running around with guns, they will happily run towards anything that has a gun and get shot at.

And there are these super scary super-bosses called the Chosen. These ugly bastards use a variety of abilities to kill your soldiers. Not only that, but they use many tactics to try to locate you and your base and kill you, the commander. These tactics include kidnapping your soldiers, torturing civilians, and making you commit suicide because of annoyance as they somehow manage to hack into your comms for a chat. I wish they'd just shut the hell up!

"Hello, sister. Nice to meet you." - The Chosen Hunter.

Even if you kill one of the Chosen, it seems their stronghold can just bring them back to life. And they get stronger over time as well! The only way to kill them forever is to destroy their stronghold. You can't, unfortunately, use their hatred for each other against them.

The Chosen Assassin has some sword that they use to kill everybody. Yes. A sword. In a gunfight. Don't ask me why, it just works.

The Chosen Hunter has a sniper rifle that shoot bullets at your soldiers. Somehow these bullets always hit their target and are a insta-kill.

The fancypants Chosen Warlock uses some fancypants magic thing and an OP rifle that does 80 damage and never misses. He can brainwash your entire army to murder you in your sleep. And he can also rise all those dead alien corpses in your ship from the dead, and turn them into exploding zombies. Just don't sleep or something. And if you do manage to permanently put this bastard down, what do you get as a reward? The lamest rifle you have ever seen. It doesn't even have any cool or useful abilities, and has only 8 damage!

And don't even get me started on the bloody alien rulers. They're just a recipe for disaster.

Playerbase

There are many players of XCOM 2, and they quit the game all the time. Somehow they always manage to find an excuse to redownload the game and continue playing. These are the nerds of the game, and they only play because they have no social life.

If the vanilla game somehow isn't hard enough for you, then there are many mods out there that make the game even more bloody impossible. Why anybody would download these, I have no idea.

Reception

The game's reviews on launch were all along the lines of "why is this game so hard", "why is this game so difficult", or "this game is too easy". As a result, Firaxis Games made the game even harder than it was at launch.

The developers said "we do not want anyone to beat this game", which is simply a dick move.

The developers released a DLC called War of the chosen, which introduced The Chosen, The Lost, and made all your best troops tired all the fucking time, forcing you to always use underleveled troops that you never use.

Enemy list

• ADVENT soldier: they carry guns, and they shoot, killing your soldiers, and making the game even harder.
• ADVENT stunlancer: they carry guns and a sword. The sword stuns everything it hits, making the game even harder.
• ADVENT captain: they have guns and stun grenades, and mark your soldiers to be the main target of enemy fire, making the game even harder.
• ADVENT purifier: they have flamethrowers and may explode if you shoot at them, making the game even harder.
• ADVENT priest: they carry guns, make their teammates stronger, mind control your soldiers, and if you do manage to kill it, shield up in a psyonic bubble, making the game even harder.
• ADVENT shieldbarer: they carry guns, and shield all nearby enemies, making the game even harder.
• ADVENT mec: they carry guns and a missile launcher, and have tough armour, making the game even harder.
• ADVENT turret: they shoot at you and then enter overwatch every turn (meaning they shoot at you if you move), and somehow never malfunction, making the game even harder.
• ADVENT sectopod: a late-game mini-boss, they have turrets and doom lasers, take 3 actions a turn instead of 2, and explode if you kill them, making the game even harder.
• Sectoid: they have a laser gun and mind control your soldiers. They can even rise the dead into non-exploding zombies, making the game even harder.

They're hugging! Love at first sight!

• Viper: these furries have guns, and love poisoning and turning your soldiers into thin noodles hugging your soldiers, making the game even harder.
• Muton: they have guns and are immune to melee attacks, making the game even harder.
• Berserker: these bulky aliens love smashing your soldiers into gory messes, and attacking them just makes them angrier, making the game even harder.
• Crysalid: these insects jump out of the ground without warning, poisoning your soldiers. If the poisoned soldier dies, more crysalids spawn, making the game even harder.
• Archon: these aliens have a gun-sword hybrid, a jet-pack, and a missile launcher that seems to never run out, making the game even harder.
• Andramedon: these aliens have guns, and if you kill the pilot inside, the suit's AI takes over, making the game even harder.
• Codex: these things flash in and out of reality, allowing them to teleport. They disable your guns, and set down exploding psychic bombs if you don't move your soldiers. And they duplicate if you damage them, making the game even harder.
• Spectre: these ugly bastards have guns and are made up of tiny nanobot things, making them basically impossible to kill, and make copies of your soldiers, which knocks the real one unconscious, which makes the game even harder.
• Riftkeeper: these ugly bitches are late-game mini-bosses, and have tons of health. They create massive bombs that deal massive damage AND rise the dead into zombies! If you do manage to kill it, it explodes, making the game even harder.
• AVATAR: these end-game bosses mind control your soldiers, teleport if hit, regenerate health faster than you can damage it with one soldier, summon many powerful alien troops quickly, rise the dead, and just cause mental pain to you, making the game even harder.
• The Lost: these zombies, swarm in numbers and attack your soldiers and the aliens, sometimes making the game even harder, sometimes not.
• The Lost: zombies swarm you, making the game even harder.
• The Lost: zombies swarm you, making the game even harder.
• The Lost, The Lost, The Lost, The Lost ....

Notes

“Did I mention I love this game?”

~ User:L10nM4st3r