Whenitakemypantsoff

It has long been known that people do things in different ways; Some say 'tomayto', others prefer 'tomato'. Fortunately, the different ways are usually tolerated by society and thrown into a giant 'melting pot' (nb if you are thinking of cooking, ensure you use only one pronunciation of tomato).

Sometimes, society rejects ways of doing things and they grow to become 'taboo' methods. This label often influences people to abandon particular methods as there are social penalties for engaging things which are taboo.

One such taboo is taking your pants off unconventionally.

For decades the taboo has been strengthened by both movies and tv shows where 'normal' men are portrayed taking their pants off in a sophisticated, disciplined manner. Even in comedic portrayals, the pants-removing is consistently symmetrical and coordinated; Years of this has resulted in a social stigma for alternative methods.

For too long, styles which deviate from the tv/movie norm have been held in subtle social contempt, such that I consider it my duty, my obligation and my responsibility, to restore to social acceptability the following method of taking off my pants:

Method

When I take my pants off, I start by bending my elbows and grabbing my pants at the waist. My eyes find the ground 3 metres in front of my feet. At this same moment I begin crouching forward, letting my weight shift so that it would seem as if I am going to sit. Then, I look up and effect a quizzical expression that is best described as half grimace, half regal indignation (the purpose of this expression is to combat any intruders who would use my impending semi-nudity against me). After a few seconds of this, I reach the familiar half-way point where my pants are fully below my underwear. I'll say to myself, 'It's downhill from here, man!' With a lazy shove, my pants meander down to my shins at which point my resent at the uncomfortable crouching over climaxes, causing the resumption of an upright posture, and therefore, a typically challenging final phase in the pants removing. Stepping on the left pant leg with my right foot, I draw my left leg out, making sure to give it a while to bask in its newfound freedom. Momentarily after, I wiggle my right foot to position the pants for a triumphant flick into the corner (Often, this will take 2 or 3 attempts, as the pants are still being half-worn around the ankles). With persistence, the pants are sent to their rightful spot - the floor - in a flight which is often understated, due to a preoccupation with the pleasant feeling of pantslessness.

Conclusion

In conclusion, I hope that those who find themselves in the above method are now partly relieved of the stress which comes with practising a taboo. In our banding together, we can resurrect the acceptability of this arbitrarily forbidden method, making all those who naturally prefer it feel more comfortable so that we can live, pants-removingly in a more tolerant, pleasant and Caucasian society (like Nigeria).