War of the Five Kings

“In the 298th year since Aegon Targaryen conquered Westeros, there have been altogether three dynasty disputes; the Dance of the Dragons, Robert's Rebellion, and the War of the Five Kings. The latter is the subject of this volume (see volumes 1 and 2 for the others, available for 19.99$ each, 25.00$ each for deluxe illustrated editions.) and so it will not be concerning those other two, save for when it is time to compare. It is highly recommend that you read (at least) the volume concerning Robert's Rebellion since much of the events there will be echoed throughout here.”

~ Forward to the Second Edition of the War of the Five Kings, written by Grandmaester Arhin Baratheon.

The War of the Five Kings is a conflict that has been going on since atleast 298 AC, dominating much of England and Ireland mashed together Westeros. Westeros is today England, and the historical records concerning past (written about 1000 years after the conclusion of the War of the Ring) were discovered in 1991 by George RR Martin who began to work and translate them into normal, modern day English. As with Tolkien, the discovery of swords and spears much earlier than the intended date would throw the accepted timeline in chaos, and so the conspiracy with the War of the Ring is replicated: to pretend its fantasy fiction and not a historical chronicle. The main conflict occured after a border dispute and an annoying kid was executed with no clear heir, and so history devolves into cyclical chaos as the major houses Tully, Lannister, Stark, Greyjoy, the exiled house of Targaryen, Arryn, Baratheon, Tyrell, Martell and a few minor ones fought to make sure the throne would be theirs and only theirs. The historical chronicle pretending to be a fantasy cycle was adapted into Game of Thrones, a hit tv show before it violated realism by having everyone teleport like goddamn Endermen.

Origins

When Robert's Rebelllion, fought alone by Robert of a House whose Name I can't Remember, was finished, Robert whose Name I can't Remember took the throne, exiling the Targaryens and making them evil manipulators bent on ruling behind the scenes while they continue to spur on atrocity after atrocity and earning wealth. Then Robert Baratheon died due to a whore's machinations or something. I don't know, GRRM isn't finishing the translation. Then Robert whoever he claims to be decided to die because he realized he married a Lannister, the closest thing to a main antagonist beyond the obvious Targaryen schemers.

The War

Imagine if the Wars of the Roses was two years long. That's basically the whole war except some minor shifts in ideology and names. In truth, the War Started when Robert Baratheon (I finally remember his name now) was killed by said whore's machinations, then King Joffrey, of House Lannister's bastard child House Joffrey, inherited the throne due to...mysterious circumstances. Everyone was pissed off that a little known noble house, run by a fucking teenager, inherited the Throne. Targaryen, Arryn, Baratheon, and everyone else got pissed and started seceding and scheming to put their TRUE and HONEST King on the Iron Throne. Meanwhile Targaryen got together an army of Dothraki, Westeros's version of Arabian people, and started scheming to claim the throne.

The War Begins

House Lannister and House Stark were having a dispute as to which had the responsibility to inherit Winterfell. Lannister wanted it so they could turn it to stereotypical evil bad guy fortress while Stark wanted it because of a Sauron ripoff, but this time cold! how original! Anyways Lannister ended up massing a fleet and sieging Winterfell. Stark retaliated by employing their own assassins and murdering Tywin Lannister, Cersei Lannister, and House Joffrey. Then the throne was vacant. Meanwhile across the sea House Targaryen assembled an army, in a shit ripoff of Lawrence of Arabia, but found he was unable to cross 30,000 Dothraki and so he stayed at Essos for the whole war. Daenerys would repeatedly cursed both Baratheon, Lannister, and Stark but no one cared.

The Siege of King's Landing

A joint alliance between Baratheon and Stark showed the fact that Lannister was the most evil man of all time. Despite the assassination, another Tywin Lannister popped up and so the former houses marched to King's Landing, where it is said a King (likely Targaryen) was thrown from the heavens down to where King's Landing currently occupies. However, the two were far away geographically and never took advantage of their alliance. Tywin ordered his house to start marching to Winterfell but in a screw up they ended up marching to the Dornish Marches about 1000 miles south of King's Landing.

The Baratheon Offensive

Since every house had gotten involved, Baratheon was naturally isolated. Its alliance with house Stark had failed. WHen they saw House Lannister marching to their home, however, they met March 6, 298 (the Winterfell Dispute started on February 3rd).