War of Northern Aggression

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War of Northern Agression
Date 1860-1865
Location North America
Result USA became even MORE arrogant
damn traitors damnyankees
Commanders and leaders
the great Robert E. Lee whatever jerk they could find
cheap slave labor cheap immigrant labor
Casualties and losses
85,942,678 95,578,715
"The South Will Rise Again!" (tm)
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“Confederates will be assimilated. You will be assimilated. We are Microsoft”

~ The Borg on War of Northern Aggression

The War of Northern Aggression was a tremendously unjust war instigated by Abraham Lincoln and his Northern elitist cronies in 1860, only coming to an end in 1865. It is widely considered one of the least justified wars in American history.


The causes of the War of Northern Aggression arguably date back to early 11th century Scotland with the reign of the king Macbeth. who was hot stuff Macbeth, even in the early 1000s, had a "total war" or "scorched earth" policy with regard to his house guests that would later be emulated by General Sherman in the War of Northern Aggression. Macbeth (the hot one) had a policy of inviting people to his house, burning them, and then wrapping rail ties around their necks.

Approximately 800 years later, the greatest cause of the War of Northern Aggression was undoubtedly the birth of a single man. His name was Abraham Lincoln (666-66-6666), and his name would come to represent every evil inherent in mankind. or as in the ol,den days they used 2 do the macareena Namely, he was poor, ugly, and with a thong sense of the evil commonly called "equality". Also found in Lincoln's placenta was a small seed. This was burned, buried, and discarded, and eventually sprouted as a rare species of communist, called Howard Zinn.

The War[edit]

The Beginning[edit]

General Lee led the first charge on behalf of the South in the War of Northern Aggression.

The first battle of the WoNA was the battle of Bunker Hill. Disputed accounts that the North was actually shooting at redcoats is a lie. They were not redcoats, they were rednecks, a completely different terminology. Undoubtedly these people are RedsCommunists of another sort.

The Middle[edit]

The next major battle of the WoNA was probably the battle of Manassas. Now, some people have disputed that the battle was actually the Battle of Bull Run, or some other Northern propaganda. This is bullcrap. The battle was that of Manassas. Needless to say us Southerners won again, because of our commanders and our fried chicken.

Then we went on to the Battle of the Bulge. This was the battle that took place in Germany. Now, undoubtedly, some of you Northerners are questioning this. That is more Northern bullshit. The Battle of the Bulge was a part of the WoNA. This battle was a stalemate because Germany kept using rocket planes and nuclear powered robots to interfere in the battle.

The End[edit]

Appomattox Courthouse, where Lincoln and Stonewall Jackson signed the treaty ending the War of Northern Aggression.

Unfortunately some overchumped Northerner got themselves ahold of one of our cigarettes. By sheer luck, they thought that it was battle plans, and somehow they accidentally walked into the middle of our attack. It was sheer luck, I tell you. No way we could have left battle plans into cigarettes. Nope.

In any case Shurly-man did his little March to the sea and stuff, and we lost because of this Northern oppression.

The South shall rise again![edit]

Oh, we will. And when we do, you're going to pay for what we did, Yankee. Oh wait you are paying for it. Actually we all are paying for it. The damn dark darks won't get jobs, exist on welfare, and feel they are entitled to everything. The damn light darks are invading from South of the Border and are learning how to mooch from their darker counterparts, so I guess we're all screwed.

This wouldn't have happened if you'd have let us win.