War Thunder

Whoops! Maybe you were looking for suicide, or mental disorder? How about insanity, or bat fuck insane? Possibly even loser?

War Thunder logo

War Thunder is a 2013 free-to-play masochistic monstrosity disguised as a multiplayer vehicular combat game, designed by a workforce that consists of snails (actual ones, Gaijin has one on their logo). First released as an open beta in November 2012 and subsequently fully released in December 2016, the game has spent more than a decade perfecting its craft in ignoring physics, sense, and gamer sanity.

A matchmaking system designed to cause maximum agony and seemingly random decisions by dart-throwing against the wall, War Thunder proudly boasts the position as one of the most unbalanced games out there. Tanks explode from nowhere due to artillery that isn't even visible, planes disintegrate when sneezed at, and naval engagements render the laws of buoyancy optional.

In 2023, Gaijin expanded its empire of misery with the addition of War Thunder Mobile, so phone enthusiasts get the joy of uptiering and ammo-racking on their mobile phones as well.

General Gameplay

War Thunder is an alleged "combined arms" experience offering air, land, and sea combat—although in practice it's as much an exercise in frustration and despair as it's possible to have. The game features vehicles ranging from pre–World War I (somehow, people couldn't wait to play as hundred-year-old gunboats) to the present day, with World War II, the Vietnam War, and the Cold War receiving particularly prominent treatment—but only in the most historically inaccurate and slanted way imaginable.

They can "enjoy" grinding endlessly through ten tech trees for the United States, Germany, Russia, Britain, France, Japan, Italy, China, Sweden, and Israel. Though the game also has a humorously exaggerated list of other nations, including Argentina, North Korea, Kazakhstan, and even Oman, because nothing is quite as epic as unlocking a premium Kuwaiti tank. They are all available only in the guise of premium high-end cars, ideal for those who like to burn money on a virtual bonfire.

Vehicles are divided into three modes: aviation (in which one wing hit causes catastrophic failure), ground (in which your tank's armor might as well be damp cardboard), and fleet (a entirely overlooked mode that even Gaijin appears to have forgotten exists).

Ships are also divided into "Bluewater" (actual warships) and "Coastal" (small craft with the structural integrity of a pop can). There is single-player, but nobody plays that except people who enjoy watching AI tanks get psychic 360° shots through foliage.

Ground Battles

While originally an air-only game, Gaijin realized the potential money they could leech off of dumbass ten-year olds by selling Abrams for $70 gameplay expansion they could do for their game by adding in ground vehicles of all types; this includes tanks, tank destroyers, artillery pieces, and even anti-aircraft vehicles. Initially ground was confined to early cold-war tanks with fairly low-tier premiums, as back in the day Gaijin had a grain of a moral integrity towards its customers and didn't want a product to merely be a grind-fest to the top filled with morons with five hours of playtime obliterating any sense of competitive gameplay. Gaijin leadership has since corrected this mistake and has enough filler tanks in every nation's tech tree to keep you occupied for eternity and premiums that are all but in name top-tier.

With that in mind, let us discuss the vast array of nations Gaijin has so kindly offered us to shell out money for:

USA

One of the 'Big Three' of War Thunder, US tanks are often underappreciated due to having traits that aren't always utilized appropriately for their situation (read: the average American main has an IQ below room temperature and cannot play this game any better than the monkeys at Disney World who throw shit at each other). Every American plays this nation because that’s the only country they’ve every heard of and they think their nation is invincible. Stabilizers, APHE, and varied lineups allow anyone with opposable thumbs to do well in low-mid tier due to the fact they almost always have the best CAS options, while top-tier features vehicles like the M1 Abrams and its variants. Something you will consistently come across in discussion regarding the M1 Abrams is that it is shit; apparently competitive War Thunder has not heard of this yet considering it is one of the most utilized vehicles in said competitive scene. While top-tier US is not the absolute best compared to other opponents, the CAS still reigns supreme due to AIM-9M jumpscares from F-15's and Abrams being jack-of-all-trades monsters.

Germany

Germany has some of the best tanks in history. In War Thunder? Good luck even scratching a T-34. Panthers can't penetrate Soviet armor from 80 meters even when logic says they should. Tigers are just free kills for T-34-85s. And if you somehow make it to top tier, Leopard 2A6s get shredded by T-80BVMs with magic ERA that blocks everything.

Russia

Easily the most controversial of the 'Big Three' due to constant accusations about 'bias' towards Russian vehicles when Stalin on a scooter destroyed a Maus (please ignore the incredibly average WR for top tier-Russia, obviously this is just a psyop from Gaijin), most of their vehicles are designed about single-use, inflexible roles that are very much do-or-die. While many of them feature stronger armor profiles and above-average firepower, they also suffer immensely in some scenarios due to a lack of gun depression and poor survivability. Up towards the Cold War they are easily a top-three contender simply due to the varied lineups they have and APHE rounds they have (which also have insane angled penetration since Gaijin thinks APHE is the second coming of christ), but they begin to suffer towards the more modern MBT iterations due to many of the original flaws of Soviet tank designs persisting while NATO counterparts simply fix most of their issues. Russia does have some support due to Gaijin throwing them a bone with KH-38MT's for CAS (a missile that has yet to actually be seen in real life) but due to the introduction of modern SAM systems Russia has become a consistently average nation in the face of far-better NATO counterparts.

Britain

British tanks, like their French allies, deviate from the 'Big Three' by utilizing almost exclusively solid-shit munitions. This includes AP rounds, APDS rounds, and eventually APDSFS rounds (which ironically enough results in them getting some of the worst top-tier munitions in-game for their tanks). While they often have niches that they can fill nicely, more often than not they suffer from the fact their opposition fires hydrogen bombs in the form of APHE rounds that somehow have better penetration metrics but also spall enough to wipe out a small warship. They also suffer from the fact that APDS is coded to be the equivalent of a pinprick to opposing vehicles, which is 10% funny when some jackass goes up a hill in an IS-3 but 90% agony and ragebait when your APDS round with 380mm of penetration shatters off the side of a Tiger II turret because it has 20mm of tracks to protect it.

France

France, like that one ex you can't get over that will text you at three in the morning to come over only for them to scream at you about how much of a piece of shit you are, runs between absolutely red-hot and mediocre slop that is agony to play as. Other than the meme reserve tanks that have the penetration of a gentle whisper to the ear, France actually escapes the solid-shit fate of it's island brother and generally plays fairly well. It also has some of the best late-war tanks due to the use of autoloaders that can put a new shell in the breech every four seconds (which I'm sure is entirely coincidentally on a premium tank) and some fairly powerful HEAT rounds to boot in conjunction. The problem becomes obvious however when you realize you're now at 8.7 and still don't have a fucking stabilizer and still have shitty HEAT (non-FS) shells that lightly caress your opponent's radio operator upon penetration and do absolutely fucking nothing else. France basically lives in mediocrity at top tier due to Gaijin thinking the Leclerc is somehow worse than 90's Soviet technology and somehow has both catastrophically dogshit armor characteristics but also being the size of a fucking apartment block, so take that as you will.

Japan

Possibly the most-copy paste nation in the entire game, Japan's entire ground tree is a mix of shitty Japanese toasters with armor as thick as a sheet of Aluminum and American tanks that the Japanese got after the US beat the snot out of them in World War II. Eventually towards the end of the tree they get their own MBT's and their top-tier is ironically enough some of the best due to having the fastest reload of any top-tier MBT (combined with psuedo-US CAS), but most of the time your experience with this tree will be with the Type 90B premium since it's the only non-agonizing way to grind the ground-tree. Unfortunately the average wallet warrior also knows this and will instantly fill up your team with bottom one-percent of players that makes you wonder if Gaijin even cares top-tier matches finish faster than I do in bed.

Italy

Shit. This tree is almost exclusively shit, and when it's not, it's only because it's a copy-paste tank from another nation. Legitimately the best tank in their tree is the Leopard 2A7, becuase their own MBT's are so shit that 11.0's in other nations are better than the Arietes. Not even joking or anything just avoid this entire tech-tree unless you're going trying to be a completionist for this game.

West Taiwan

China’s tech tree is just a mix of Russian and American vehicles, except they’re always slightly worse. The VT-4 could be good, but Gaijin placed it in a BR where it’s useless. If you play China, you’re basically playing Russia, but with extra suffering.

• You will always be in an up-tier.
• Your team will always be full of morons.
• Russia will always be superior.
• Your best efforts will never be rewarded.
• Gaijin will always find a way to make you suffer.

If you’re still playing War Thunder Ground Forces, you’ve already accepted your fate. Either you feed the snail and buy an overpowered premium tank, or you endure endless pain. But no matter what, remember one thing: ATTACK THE D POINT.

Air Battles

You wanted an authentic flight combat experience? Too bad. What you get instead is an airborne torture simulator where Soviet planes defy the laws of physics, missile spam makes dogfights irrelevant, bombers are just flying cannon fodder, stealth vehicles are useless, and Gaijin ensures that your suffering is the only guarantee in every match.

BR 1.0 - 3.7

Congratulations, you've entered the lawnmower wars. Every match is a chaotic furball of reserve-tier planes crashing into each other, because half the players have no idea how to take off. You’ll face Soviet I-153s, which turn so fast they might as well be helicopters, while your American, German, or British plane stalls at the mere thought of a dogfight.

BR 4.0 - 6.0

Welcome to the mid-tier, where Yak-3s tank 30mm shells, but your P-51 explodes if someone sneezes near it. You thought altitude mattered? Nope. You climbed for ten minutes just to be deleted instantly by a La-7 that spawned at 6,000 meters because balance is a joke.

BR 6.3 - 8.0

Now you’re facing the eternal suffering of jet-like props vs. early jets. Spitfires still somehow turn-fight you at Mach Jesus, while the MiG-9 makes sure you never reach speed before you’re obliterated. You brought a bomber? Bad idea. Gaijin’s broken damage models mean that a single rifle-caliber bullet sets your entire plane ablaze, while Soviet bombers can tank direct cannon hits.

BR 8.3 - 9.7

You made it to early jets! Congratulations! Now enjoy being missile food. Every fight is a chaotic mess of F-86 Sabres trying to dogfight MiG-17s, while random AIM-9Bs and R-3S missiles send you to spectator mode before you even see your enemy. If you try to energy fight, expect an R-60 from 2km away to make sure you never pull out of the dive.

BR 10.0 - 12.7

The match starts. Someone launches an AIM-7 from 20km away. Half the team dies before merging. Radar missiles dominate everything, flares only work half the time, and if you get too close, enjoy being deleted by an R-73 that ignores all countermeasures. Flying the F-16? Cool, except you’re up-tiered against Su-27s that delete you instantly.

The War Thunder Air Battle Experience

• You will always be in an up-tier.
• Your team will always be full of idiots.
• Your plane will never be as good as the Soviet equivalent.
• Missiles will always track you, even if you drop flares.
• Gaijin will make sure you never have fun.

So keep flying, keep suffering, and remember: ATTACK THE D POINT.

SIEG HEIL

Naval

You thought War Thunder's air and ground combat was bad? Welcome to Naval Battles, the absolute bottom of Gaijin’s sadistic hellhole. Here, you'll spend 20 minutes sailing just to get bombed by a plane in five seconds. You wanted tactical naval warfare? Too bad. What you get instead is an endless cycle of suffering where destroyers evaporate instantly, cruisers are floating coffins, and aircraft dictate every battle.

BR 1.0 - 3.7

Your adventure begins in a tiny wooden boat with a machine gun. You’ll be facing destroyers with actual cannons that one-shot you instantly. If you get close enough to fire back, you’ll be torpedoed before you even get a hit. Every match is a chaotic mess of speedboats zooming around while larger ships delete you from across the map.

BR 4.0 - 5.7

You finally unlocked a destroyer! Too bad they suck. The moment you spawn, aircraft will drop bombs on you within 30 seconds. You can try fighting back, but Gaijin made sure your anti-aircraft guns are about as useful as throwing rocks. Meanwhile, Soviet destroyers are unkillable and have the firepower of a battleship.

BR 6.0 - 7.7

Cruisers should be powerful, but they just exist to suffer. You finally have big guns, but they reload slower than a snail crawling uphill. Meanwhile, every time you fire, enemy aircraft see your location and bomb you immediately. Got a hit? Great, but Russian cruisers will tank 40 direct shots and still annihilate you in one salvo.

BR 8.0+

You finally unlocked a battleship. You now experience War Thunder’s biggest scam: “Naval Realistic Battles.” This means sailing for 15 minutes just to die instantly. Half the enemy team is in aircraft, which means you’ll be bombed before you can even engage. The other half is in Russian battleships that shrug off damage like they’re invincible. Enjoy your 5-minute reload times and the slowest turret traverse in history.

• You will spend more time sailing than fighting.
• You will always be bombed before you can fire back.
• You will never kill a Russian ship.
• Your AA guns are for decoration.

So set sail, embrace the pain, and remember: ATTACK THE D POINT.

Real Experience

Ground Battles

The German Main

I ANGLED !!!!

Highlight Vehicles:

• Tiger I (H) – German mains' bread and butter. So incompetent in this vehicle despite its numerous advantages and strong lineup that they create the statistical form of a metastasizing cancer, where Gajin cannot increase it's B.R or the K/D of most German mains would approach a negative value.
• Panther A – Rushes into open fields, gets tracked immediately, dies without firing a shot.
• Tiger II (H) – The pinnacle of German Mains experience. Similar to the Tiger I, this vehicle also benefits from the fact their mains are cosplaying Helen Keller and make a vehicle that by all metrics is the one of the best of it's B.R and make it consistently under-perform. Unlike the Tiger I however, this is often where the German Main makes it or breaks it-they either figure out that the Tiger II is more than just a box of RHA or they get violated by 7.7-8.0's in most of their matches.
• Leopard 2A6/7/PSO: If the German Main manages to figure out how to get through the Cold War tree (this is the vast minority of the playerbase), they are given the munition equivalent of the Positron Cannon from Evangelion via DM53 and a lineup that consists of the Eurofighter (casually the best jet in the game), the IRIS-T (the best SAM system in the game), the Eurocopter (one of the best Helicopters in the game), and three A+ MBT's. While on their own the Leopards are slightly outclassed by the Swedish upgraded versions, the overall lineup they are given makes them almost without a doubt the strongest ground tree currently in-game.
• Maus – Dies in a nuclear explosion after being surrounded by 14 vehicles and bombed by a B-29.

Preferred 'Playstyle':

There are two types of German Mains: the ones who watch the History Channel at 3am and believe that German armor is god's divine gift to humanity, and the ones who capitalize on the aformentioned morons who sink the stats of every German vehicle by an astounding percent.

• For the former, German tanks are usually a futile endeavor that is only saved by the fact they will get a down-tier once in a while that lets them fulfill their fantasies of being Michael Wittmann. These players are usually farmed by veterans for event grinding, as they will always be a constant in this slog of an online gaming experience. The most notable feature of these players is that they will willingly lemming-train into contested areas and simply accept their fate of either turning into a massive fireball or somehow eating twelve shots into the driver's port of their Tiger I and only having an injured radio operator.
• For the latter, playing German tanks is like becoming Doomslayer for a solid ten minutes (or whenever someone drops a 1000lb bomb on your forehead, whichever comes first). These players are pretty rare due to the fact they often are playing other nations (either grinding or at a different BR where they can more easily bully people online) and that the vast majority of German Mains are simply dogshit at the game. These aren't the players that know to angle the Tiger I; these are the players that snuck themselves into a crevice in your spawn and will take out half your team before someone realizes they aren't supposed to be dying five feet out of spawn.

Least biased soviet vehicle

The Soviet Bias Enjoyer

Highlight vehicles:

• KV-1 (early variants): A sealcubber's wet dream. While a competent player that isn't fully downtiered against one of these things can usually handle fighting a KV pretty well, the problem is that this vehicle is so low in the B.R range that you are effectively fighting new players that still don't know their left hand from right. This results in matches usually being complete curb-stomps for strong players to the point that I'm sure plenty of people have uninstalled merely over getting their shit rocked by one of these things. As a consolation prize at least the Germans get to bully the shit out of the final version of it with their Tiger I's, as Gaijin thinks the Tiger I with 160mm of penetration and effectively zero places to shoot for the KV is somehow an even marginally fair fight for a tank that's only advantage is an armor package that won't really make a difference since everyone will dome you in the turret and a gun that with enough paperwork I could probably acquire in the United States for self-defense with how piss-ass it is.
• T-34-85's: While pound for pound not as bullshit as the KV-1, a good player will simply vaporize the opposing team with this tank. Tiger I's? Gut-punch to the front-plate, the poor bastard was probably carrying enough ammo to supply an entire tank division so he'll explode with the force of Fat Man. Shermans? You better hope you catch this thing off guard or he's firing a small hydrogen bomb at you. This tank perfectly encapsulates the Soviet Bias Enjoyer: it will get random bounces off the drivers hatch due to volumetric armor thinking your shell hit 14,000mm of RHA, it will truth-nuke your pathetic 5.0 with a round that apparently could take out the Yamato with how much spalling occurs, and these things will always somehow end up on your flank to rip you a new one.
• 2S38: This tank also belongs in the wallet warrior section, but a good player in this tank will commit crimes against humanity with how fucking stupid it is. Nevermind the fact that this tank literally does not fucking exist in any form other than a glorified prototype that will never see the light of day in the combat field due to unrivaled Russian corruption, this tank even now is absolutely hell to fight as long as the player has actually played top-tier before. The lack of a manned turret, a fuel tank to absorb spall if shot in the front, fast-firing APDSFS that WILL gut punch Abrams through the turret, and general bullshittery when fighting this tank makes it a perfect example of what the Soviet Bias Enjoyer wants in a tank.

Preferred Playstyle:

• In lower B.R's, it's more about praying for divine intervention that these players won't rush you and obliterate you. A good player will know when and where to rush, will know if you can actually do something to them, and will ensure that even if you somehow survive their ergonomically-hellish tin cans that they will have enough spawn points saved up to spray you down with an IL-2 like Stalin did to his dissidents.
• In the higher B.R's, it becomes more about a survival of the fittest with the occasional luck modifier via ERA bailing your shit-ass out. Most Russian mains at this point will recognize basically all of their tanks blow ass against the top-dog ground nations, so they usually resort to scraping enough points to pull out the Su-34 and strap on enough cruise missiles to wipe half the team if they know what they're doing (because we definitely need cruise missiles in ground battles where the map size can literally fit in the range of these missiles). The cold, hard reality as of now however is that with the introduction of the IRIS-T you are often are just going to die to missiles you never even saw, and most of your missiles will likely be intercepted. Truly a tragedy for the guys on r/warthunder raging about getting bent over by a T-80BVM and claiming bias.

The Pay-To-Win Wallet Warrior

Flex

Main Vehicles:

• XM-1 (GM) – Thinks they are in an Abrams, immediately gets obliterated by an actual Abrams.
• T-72AV (TURMS-T) – Buys it because it sounds cool, has no idea how to play.
• F-4S Phantom II – Has no idea what flares are, gets deleted by an AIM-9.
• Merkava Mk.4B – Drives backward for 15 minutes, still gets shot in the side.

Preferred Playstyle:

• Buys the most expensive tank available.
• First match ever is at top tier.
• Dies instantly, blames "Gaijin's bad balancing."
• Fires the wrong ammunition type.
• Spends half the match arguing in chat.

Famous Last Words:

• "I paid to win, why am I losing?!"
• "Wait, which ammo do I use?"
• "WHY CAN'T I PEN THIS GUY!?"

How They Die:

99% of the time: Dies instantly because they don’t know how to play.

1% of the time: Rams a teammate, flips over, explodes.

What Happens Next:

Until their Click-Bait got demolished by low-tier

• Respawns… in a Reserve vehicle.
• Heinkel He 51 – A WWI-tier biplane at 11.0 BR, gets annihilated instantly.
• T-26 – Shoots a Leopard 2, does zero damage, gets vaporized.
• LVT(A)-1 – Spawns on a top-tier battlefield, dies immediately.

Final Outcome:

• Sends a refund request to Gaijin.
• Uninstalls forever.
• Reinstalls a week later when a new $70 premium is released.

The Anime Decal Weeb

Least cursed Weeb creation

Main Vehicles:

• Type 74G – Only plays because "it looks cool."
• Leopard 2A4 (covered in anime girls) – "Sugoi desu!" before getting nuked.
• M18 Hellcat (UwU edition) – Speeds into battle, dies before they can say "nya~."

Preferred Playstyle:

• Never actually plays.
• Spends entire time applying decals.
• Thinks a cute anime girl will protect them from APFSDS.

How They Die:

90% of the time: Dies because they were busy typing "Nyaa~" in chat.

10% of the time: Flips their tank over, dies.

Aftermath:

• Uninstalls in shame.
• Reinstalls for the next anime event.

Casual BR 1.0 just killed BR 10.3

The “GOD MODE HUNTER”

The God Mode Hunter is not a player—it is a demon lurking in War Thunder’s matchmaker, a sentient embodiment of suffering that exists only to crush souls. They are the final boss of human patience, the executioner of fragile egos, and the reason top-tier players wake up screaming at night.

This war criminal has unlocked everything in the game. Every single nation. Every single tank. Every single plane. They have transcended grinding, skill, and sanity. They could play meta vehicles, but that would be too easy. Instead, they prefer to destroy multi-million-dollar war machines using technology from 1932.

They descend into top-tier matches armed with nothing but rust, cloth, and pure malice, hunting wallet warriors and cocky stat-padders like a rabid wolf tearing apart farm animals.

Vehicles:

• I-15 Chaika (BR 1.0) – A literal biplane, powered by Stalin’s ghost and bad intentions. Somehow outturns F-22s and shoots them down with 7.62mm bullets designed for peasants.
• He 51C (BR 1.3) – A wooden coffin with machine guns, yet somehow it downs jets that cost the GDP of a small country.
• Po-2 (BR 1.0) – The slowest aircraft in existence. Yet, through unholy dark magic, it has evaded radar, dropped a single 50kg bomb, and deleted a Leopard 2A7 from history.
• Fw 189 (BR 2.0) – A reconnaissance plane that makes stealth bombers look like toddlers on training wheels. This eldritch abomination sneaks through missile defenses and obliterates enemies with a single lucky 20mm burst.
• LVT(A)-1 (BR 1.0) – This amphibious bathtub is a joke at low-tier. But in the hands of the God Mode Hunter, it swims through rivers of high-tier corpses, shrugging off 120mm APFSDS rounds and headshotting Leopards with its miserable 37mm gun.
• T-26 (BR 1.0) – A rolling tin can that somehow penetrates an Abrams’ turret with a single APHE shot from 1933.
• M22 Locust (BR 2.0) – This tiny American cockroach does Mach Jesus through a battlefield filled with ATGMs and ERA-clad behemoths, flanking billion-dollar tanks and making them disappear with surgical precision.
• Pz.II C (R) (BR 1.0) – Goes head-to-head with a T-80BVM and wins, because why the hell not?
• Sturmpanzer II (BR 1.0) – Lobs HE shells at Type 10s from across the map. They explode instantly, taking entire crews with them. Japanese players shed a single tear as they uninstall the game.
• Sd.Kfz. 222 (BR 1.0) – An open-top car from 1938. Somehow survives being hit by a Hellfire missile and kills an M1A2 SEP by shooting it in the optics.

The Hunt Begins:

• Queues into an 11.7 match with a vehicle that should not legally be able to harm a house cat.
• Spawns in a WWI-tier aircraft or interwar tank, while the enemy team laughs.
• Takes off, dodges five AIM-9X missiles by ‘accident.’
• Hunts down an F-16, outturns it, and destroys it with a machine gun round that predates the Cold War.
• Charges into an Abrams column, survives direct hits because Gaijin's damage model is a cruel joke.
• Somehow kills an M1A2 by shooting the driver’s hatch.
• Spams the chat with ‘easy.’
• The enemy team collectively screams.
• At least one player breaks their keyboard in frustration.
• The match ends.

Aftermath:

• At least three high-tier players suffer actual heart attacks.
• Somewhere, a Pay-to-Win kid throws their $70 premium tank into the nearest river.
• Gaijin receives multiple hack reports, does nothing.
• The God Mode Hunter is already in queue for their next match.
• Another day, another victim.

The Russian Propagandist

Main Vehicles:

• IS-3 – Spams "Slava Rossii!", immediately gets shot through the turret and explodes.
• KV-1 (ZIS-5) – Thinks it's invincible, dies to a single Panzer IV shot.
• T-26 – Somehow has a giant "Z" sticker on it, disintegrates upon spawning.
• SU-76M – "Self-propelled artillery supremacy!", eaten alive by an M3 Stuart.
• BT-7 – Drives in a straight line screaming "URA!", flips over a fence, catches fire, dies.

Preferred Playstyle:

• Never plays above BR 7.0.
• Every tank must have a "Z" decal. Even ones from the 1930s.
• Blindly charges forward, assuming Stalinist armor will save them.
• Dies immediately, blames "Western bias."
• NEVER flanks. Flanking is for capitalist cowards.

Famous Last Words:

• "URA! Wait, why is my tank on fire?!"
• "Gaijin hates Russia!"
• "Western propaganda! My T-34 should be invincible!"

How They Die:

80% of the time: Charges directly at a German heavy tank, gets instantly deleted.

15% of the time: Tries to "angle" a KV-1, dies anyway.

5% of the time: Gets vaporized by an HE shell because they forgot open-top TDs exist.

Aftermath:

• Complains about "Western bias" in chat.
• Leaves an angry comment on Gaijin's VK page.
• Uninstalls in a rage.
• Reinstalls when a new Soviet tank is added.

The British Main

Main Vehicles:

• FV4005 – Lives only to delete Leopard 2A6s with 183mm HESH. If destroyed, immediately respawns in a Lancaster, drops a 12,000 lb bomb, wipes out half his team, gets banned, and does it again.
• Tortoise – Spends the entire game inching forward, dies to a single arty strike.
• Challenger 2 (anything) – Gets instantly hull-breached, complains that "it was a skill issue."
• Centurion Mk. 10 – Angled to perfection, dies anyway.
• Churchill Mk. VII – "Unkillable fortress!", gets one-shot by a Jagdpanzer.

Preferred Playstyle:

• Snipes from 2 km away, claims it's "tactical positioning."
• Never caps points. That’s for peasants.
• Uses HESH even when it's a terrible choice.
• Spams "Attack the D point!", even though D point doesn’t exist.
• Refuses to play anything but British tanks, even if they're complete garbage.

Famous Last Words:

• "HESH should have killed him!"
• "Tea time, chaps!"
• "WHY DOES MY CHALLENGER HAVE NO PROTECTION?!"

How They Die:

60% of the time: Misses a crucial HESH shot, dies immediately.

30% of the time: Doesn't move for 10 minutes, gets bombed.

10% of the time: Forgets they have teammates, gets flanked and annihilated.

Aftermath:

• Writes a 5-paragraph rant on the forums about how HESH is "underpowered."
• Spams "Attack the D point!" in chat until muted.
• Sips tea, cries internally.
• Plays another match.

The OG Collector

Main Vehicles:

• E-100 – No one knows how they got this.
• Tiger II (10,5 cm Kwk) – A cursed artifact of War Thunder past.
• I-180S – A plane that was removed before 90% of players even knew it existed.
• P-51A (NA) – A Mustang with an identity crisis.
• Ho-Ri Production – A tank that should never have been allowed to exist.

Preferred Playstyle:

• Plays for historical accuracy, not fun.
• Flexes their rare vehicles in chat.
• Has 10,000+ battles but still a 0.9 K/D ratio.
• Claims they played War Thunder when it was "good."
• Reminds everyone that they own an E-100 at least twice a match.

Famous Last Words:

• "You kids don’t remember the golden days of War Thunder."
• "I miss when this game was realistic."
• "This game used to be better."

How They Die:

70% of the time: Uses a rare, outdated tank, gets obliterated by modern tech.

20% of the time: Disconnects mid-match to adjust their War Thunder museum.

10% of the time: Gets bombed while typing a forum post.

Aftermath:

• Refuses to play modern vehicles.
• Spends hours in the hangar admiring their collection.
• Complains that Gaijin removed the event shop.
• Plays again tomorrow.

The guy in this thing will somehow have more points in a match than half of any given top-tier team.

The SPAA-Only Psycho

Main Vehicles:

• IRIS-T, Buk-3, basically all multi-vehicle SAM systems: These are usually the only consistently effective anti-air systems in game due to the fact basically everything else can be ignored past a few kilometers. Hardcore AA-enjoyers imagine themselves as the Eye of Sauron as they detect you as your takeoff from the runway and will dome you in the head moments later by a missile with either no lock warning at all (haha long-range IR missile go brr) or comically outrange you to the point that you might as well write your obituary once the wheels of your NATO CAS come off the ground. Not all SAM systems are created equal however: some, such as the Israeli SPYDER, are worse than some previous-generation systems due to the fact that the Derby Missile is total dogshit along with Israel unfortunately not being promised a decent SAM system 3,000 years ago (no the Iron Dome doesn't count for this).
• Chieftain Marksman, ZA-35, Gepard, ItPsV Leopard (basically anything with 30mm+autocannons): These things don't actually shoot down planes. They can sure, but when you're given 30mm APDS belts that melt basically every tank from the side on a stabilized platform you suddenly go from a shitty waste of tickets to the ultimate light tank counter. Even better is when Gaijin gives them APHE shells, because now that means even if the SPAA can't aim for shit it won't mean anything since you're getting five APHE shells shoved into your side within a second or two. These players are basically rats that prefer the SPAA over whatever hellishly awful light tank their tree offers, as a lot of light tanks often have absolute dogshit characteristics from bad post-pen damage or long reloads.

Preferred Playstyle:

• Depending on the vehicle, there are two ways they can play:
  • If you're in anything other than high-tier AA, it's usually best to just ignore the whole 'actually shoot down planes' unless they're dumb enough to fly in a straight line towards you. You're fairly unlikely to hit your shot since rangefinding in aircraft is absolutely dogshit with little to no reward and it only takes one rocket to overpressure your dumbass into oblivion from an opposing aircraft. Because of this, most AA vehicles just play the role of impromptu scout vehicle: running around in a GAZ truck with nothing more than a machine gun strapped to the back of the bed like an Islamic revolutionary in the back of a Toyota 4x4. Now this on its own isn't that useful if the opposing team is coordinated, but when it goes from some puny truck with a machine gun to dual 30mm autocannons with APDS belts...things get a little more intense. Bonus points if the damn thing has APHE shells like the Flakpanzer 341 so the moment you penetrate the tank they basically evaporate.
  • If you're actually trying to shoot down planes, it's advised to wait until radar-directed gunfire is given; otherwise it's far more effective to just get into a fighter and dome people not paying attention with cannon fire. If you have missiles though (or at least radar-directed guns), the game play experience generally revolves around hiding as much as possible and putting far more work into shooting down aircraft compared to what the opposing aircraft have to do in return since Gaijin in all of its intelligence forces SPAA to spawn with tanks. Now with things like the BuK or IRIS-T the game genuinely changes (even the author's cynical self must admit this), but you are still vulnerable to opponents who use more than a few braincells; since most CAS players only fly in straight lines in space this isn't an issue however.

Common Traits Among All War Thunder Players (The Universal Truths)

Regardless of faction, all War Thunder players share a single, horrifying reality:

And yet, everyone screams about it like possessed lunatics.

The chat is a mix of unreadable nonsense, rage, and racism.

• Gaijin bans them for 24 hours, and they come right back.
• Nobody is surprised.

War Thunder is essentially the last refuge of edgy 13-year-olds who think racism is funny and a bunch of 40-year-old Wehraboos stuck in 1943.

• Everyone plays like a braindead.
• Nobody captures points.
• Nobody watches flanks.
• Nobody knows how to use smoke grenades.

Everyone is too busy raging at their team to play properly.

Average custom battle

Custom battles

When you click on Custom Battles, something inside you dies.

• Normal players do not return here.
• Normal players do not end up here.
• Normal players do not survive here.

• There are no rules.
• There is no balance.
• There is no mercy.

This is War Thunder’s true endgame. The place where sanity collapses, where the most deranged, unhinged, and downright vile creatures crawl out of their holes to feast on the suffering of others.

• Here, money means nothing.
• Here, skill means nothing.
• Here, hope means nothing.

A match starts. A random map. A random mode. The lobby description is gibberish. Cyrillic, broken English, hentai references, political slurs. Someone wrote “FREE UKRAINE,” and they were instantly banned.

You spawn in a reserve tank. A mistake. The first thing you see is a Maus humping a T-26. Two players, a 12-year-old in Poland and a 45-year-old Russian alcoholic, are forcibly mating their tanks. Their teams watch in silence.

The chat is unreadable.

• Someone is blasting GuP music.
• Someone is screaming "ATTACK THE D POINT!" despite there being no D point.

A French main (What an idiot) enters the battlefield in his AMX-50 Surblindé. He paid $1000 for this thing. He announces it in chat. He dies immediately. Not to an ATGM, not to a sabot round. But to a M22 Locust (BR 2.0). The Locust player, a deranged God Mode Hunter, has been playing War Thunder since before you were born. He delights in humiliating people. He kills two more modern tanks before vanishing into the shadows.

An IS-2 with a Z symbol slowly creeps forward. His gun points at nothing. He isn’t here to fight. He is here to ram you. You try to move. Too late. Your light tank is now pinned under his tracks. His friend, another Soviet bias enjoyer in a BT-5, arrives. He mounts your tank from behind. You hear a sound. The unmistakable, horrifying sound of metal grinding against metal. They are mating you. Your tank is motionless. Your crew is paralyzed. Your dignity is gone.

Then, a B-29 enters the sky.

• It is carrying a nuclear bomb.
• It sees only one solution.

The nuke drops. Everyone dies. In the post-battle chat, someone types:

“GG EZ.”

You uninstall. You reinstall two days later. Because you can never leave.

Leaks

Some braindead is just threating Gaijin by leaking classified documents about Type 16 wheeled cannon vehicle

No one knows how. No one knows why. But War Thunder has somehow become the greatest intelligence-gathering operation in modern history.

• Top-secret military documents? Leaked on the forums.
• Classified tank armor specifications? Available on a random War Thunder Discord.
• Weapon performance data restricted by multiple governments? Uploaded by some guy named "TigerFan1943" in a balance complaint.
• War Thunder isn’t just a game—it’s an international security crisis.

The Holy Snail:

Gaijin’s snail mascot isn’t just a logo—it’s a multi-dimensional being, an all-knowing entity, an eldritch horror that exists beyond time and space.

The snail:

• Can see through military secrecy like a glass window.
• Has agents embedded in every defense contractor.
• Knows more about NATO equipment than NATO does.
• Could singlehandedly rewrite the history of armored warfare.
• If it exists, the Snail knows it.
• If it’s classified, the Snail already has the files.
• If it’s posted on the forums, the Snail acts like it’s shocked and bans the user.

How the Leaks Happen:

Challenger 2 isn't a bad tank though. However its armor in game lacks against competitors of the same tier like M1A1, T-80 etc........

• Some guy gets mad that his favorite tank isn’t performing correctly.
• Decides to "prove Gaijin wrong" using "evidence."
• Uploads an entire classified military document to the War Thunder forums.
• Gaijin: "Guys, PLEASE stop leaking state secrets."
• Forums: "lol, skill issue."

Intelligence agencies around the world start investigating War Thunder players. The leak spreads to every dark corner of the internet. The document is now public knowledge. Forever.

........so some turd (actual Challenger 2 commander) playing Challenger 2in game just decides to send them classified information about armor layout.

Notable War Thunder Leaks:

• Challenger 2 armor specs (Britain was not pleased.)
• Leclerc turret details (France sent actual military police to investigate.)
• AH-64 Apache helicopter manual (US players were definitely put on a watchlist.)
• Chinese tank fire control systems (China considers War Thunder a national security threat.)
• F-16 flight performance data (DoD interns cried.)
• Various Russian tank documents (Nobody was surprised.)

How Governments React:

• UK Ministry of Defense: "What the actual hell is going on?"
• Pentagon: "Are… are War Thunder players more efficient than the CIA?"
• French Army: Sends agents to knock on someone's door at 2 AM.
• China: Censors War Thunder for "endangering national security."
• Russia: "What do you mean our T-90 isn’t as good as we said it was?"

Snail's response

Gaijin's Official Response:

• "Guys, please stop leaking classified military documents."
• Bans the user.
• Uses the leaked information to "balance" the game.
• Profits.

Premium shop

The War Thunder Premium Shop is the feeding ground of the insatiable snails, the ultimate scam operation designed to separate foolish players from their money. Operated by greedy, soulless gastropods, this shop is filled with overpriced pixel tanks, clickbait bundles, and digital junk that costs more than an actual car payment.

What’s on Offer?

• Premium Vehicles – Scam in a Box
• For those who don’t want to grind, the snails offer "premium" vehicles—which are either nerfed, clickbait, or outright scams.

Types of Premium Vehicles:

• "Balanced" Tanks That Get Nerfed Instantly – Gaijin releases an OP premium, sells thousands, then immediately "fixes" it with a stealth nerf.
• Clickbait Vehicles – Gaijin literally added the M1A1 Click-Bait, a downgraded M1A1 (which is in tech tree) with a plastic chair on the turret. The name itself tells you how much they respect their players.
• Historical Garbage That Was Canceled for a Reason – Tanks that barely worked on paper but are now sold for $60+.

Vehicles That Have Cost Players $1000+ Real Dollars:

• IS-7 (The Snail’s Golden Egg) – A Soviet heavy tank so rare that players have literally spent over $1000 in Gaijin’s "marketplace" just to own one.
• AMX-50 Surblindé – A French heavy tank with a stupid name, locked behind an event so brutal that players had to burn hundreds of dollars just to complete it. But that 120 mm autoloader is cool.

Golden Eagles

Golden Eagles are Gaijin’s pay-to-progress currency, useful for:

• Skipping research – because the tech tree is designed to be a miserable grind.
• Crew training – because Gaijin makes your tankers forget how to reload unless you pay them.
• Buying premium vehicles – which will be nerfed or made obsolete soon after purchase.

The snails ensure that no amount of Golden Eagles is ever enough. Need 3000? They sell packs of 2,500 or 5,000, forcing you to spend more than necessary.

Premium Account – More Gains, Still Not Enough

Premium accounts double your earnings, but this doesn’t stop Gaijin from making sure you lose money anyway. Even with Premium:

• High-tier repair costs will leave you broke.
• Matchmaking will throw you against better-equipped players.
• Stock vehicles will still be awful, forcing you to pay more.
• Absurdly Overpriced Bundles – Because the Snail Needs to Eat

Gaijin knows that some players have too much money and too little sense, which is why they offer:

"The Golden Grinder" Pack – $99.99

• A premium vehicle that will be nerfed soon.
• 10,000 Golden Eagles, just short of what you actually need.
• A snail-themed decal, so everyone knows you fell for it.

"Sell Your Kidney" Pack – $499.99

• Three premium vehicles that won’t even be meta in a year.
• 1,000,000 Silver Lions – barely enough for repairs.
• A forum badge proving that you’ve officially been milked.

Gaijin Marketplace

For those who think they can outsmart the snails, Gaijin offers the Marketplace, where players can trade in-game items using Gaijin Coin (GJN).

• Can you cash out your GJN for real money? No.
• Can Gaijin change the market prices whenever they want? Yes.
• Are items worth ridiculous amounts? Yes. The IS-7 and AMX-50 Surblindé have sold for over $1000 in GJN.
• Is this entire system a scam? Absolutely.

Snail Business Tactics

The snail overlords have perfected the art of extracting maximum money while giving you as little as possible. Their top tactics include:

• Artificial Scarcity – "Limited-time" vehicles force panic-buying before people realize they got scammed.
• Clickbait Sales – Gaijin literally named a tank Click-Bait, yet players still bought it. The snails laughed the whole way to the bank.
• Stealth Nerfs – The moment a premium vehicle sells enough copies, it magically gets weaker.
• Fake "Discounts" – Gaijin jacks up prices, then pretends to lower them, so people rush to buy imaginary savings.

Why play War Thunder

1. You Enjoy Suffering

• You like the idea of grinding for 500 hours just to unlock a single vehicle.
• You want to experience what it feels like to be punched in the stomach by RNG every single match.
• You love the thrill of getting one-shot from across the map by a random T-34 from 1943.
• You find great joy in spawning, moving 10 meters, and instantly getting bombed by an F-4 Phantom.
• You want to feel the pain of spending real money on premium vehicles that still get destroyed in one hit.

2. You Want to Study Human Psychology

• You want to see what happens when grown men have emotional breakdowns over pixels.
• You enjoy watching people threaten to uninstall in chat but come back 20 minutes later.
• You want to observe how people will blame literally everything except themselves for their failures.
• You like seeing people get so angry at the game that they leak classified military documents.
• You find it fascinating that entire nations get mad at Gaijin for "bias" whenever they lose.

3. You’re a Historian

• You love military history, so you thought, “Hey, a realistic tank game should be fun!”
• You were wrong.
• You now spend your time arguing on forums about why your favorite tank should be stronger.
• You have developed a deep hatred for "paper statistics" because Gaijin uses them to nerf everything.
• You are learning more about ballistics, armor penetration, and engine horsepower than actual military engineers.

4. You Want to Prove Yourself

• You believe you are better than the average War Thunder player.
• You are not.
• You think that if you just "git gud," the game will become fun.
• It won’t.
• You keep telling yourself that the suffering is temporary, but the suffering is eternal.
• You refuse to quit, even though the game has already broken you.

5. You Are Addicted

• You tell yourself you hate this game, but you keep coming back.
• You’ve rage-uninstalled it at least five times.
• You check the forums for no reason other than to see people suffering.
• You see a new vehicle in a tech tree and think, "Maybe I should grind for it..."
• Congratulations, you are trapped. Gaijin owns your soul now.

6. You Want to See How Broken the Game Is

• You get joy from watching AMX-40s drift around corners like Need for Speed.
• You laugh when SPAA players destroy tanks like it’s normal.
• You love the insanity of people killing F-16s with biplanes.
• You play just to see what stupid glitch, broken mechanic, or unbalanced nonsense happens next.
• You don’t play to win, you play to watch the game burn.

7. You Just Wanted a Fun Tank Game

• You thought War Thunder was just a casual game where you drive tanks.
• You were horribly mistaken.
• Now you’re stuck in a match where a BMP is flying, a Leopard 2 got killed by a 1938 truck, and someone is screaming "ATTACK THE D POINT" in chat.
• You wanted fun.
• You got a life-destroying addiction instead.

The issues of War Thunder

In case the brutal sarcasm throughout the article wasn't enough for you to figure this part out, War Thunder is a game that suffers from many, many flaws. Some are created by Gaijin in an attempt to legally extort you for as much cash as possible by making the gameplay loop the equivalent of a SAW trap for the average player, while others are created by the playerbase themselves in hellish-yet hilarious monkey's paw scenarios. This section will strictly detail the almost-absurdist levels of issues with this digital ragebait platform.

Map Design

While many people don't realize this, maps are arguably the most important aspect of War Thunder, especially for ground battles. And in this instance Gaijin has made such horrific design choices that you sometimes wonder if this is just another Stanford Prison experiment but with how long players can go before calling each other racial slurs in the chat. Just some of the issues with War Thunder maps:

• Many of them are too small for modern tank gameplay. With some of the maps coming out almost a decade ago with the original launch of tanks, many maps were designed with the premise that they would only need to be large enough for tank engagements from before my grandparents were alive. This worked really well eight years ago when your best tanks were early T-54's and M48's...but this starts to fall apart when the top-tier tanks now can cross-map you in seconds with laser-rangefinders with shells that will go through your entire tank and out the other side. Because of this, there's some maps that are pretty fun for about five minutes...before one of the two teams gains the initiative and immediately rains hell-fire onto their opponents from an advantageous position. Many of the larger maps don't suffer from this issue as they'll have more than a few key positions to play off of, but there is also a decent amount of maps that simply have zero variation in how they play out due to the tank's capabilities as well as the map size not changing.

See also

• Mental illness
• Sick-fuckery
• Suicide