War Thunder

Whoops! Maybe you were looking for suicide, or mental disorder? How about insanity, or bat fuck insane? Possibly even loser?

War Thunder logo

War Thunder is a 2013 free-to-play masochistic monstrosity disguised as a multiplayer vehicular combat game, designed by a workforce that consists of snails (actual ones, Gaijin has one on their logo). First released as an open beta in November 2012 and subsequently fully released in December 2016, the game has spent more than a decade perfecting its craft in ignoring physics, sense, and gamer sanity.

A matchmaking system designed to cause maximum agony and seemingly random decisions by dart-throwing against the wall, War Thunder proudly boasts the position as one of the most unbalanced games out there. Tanks explode from nowhere due to artillery that isn't even visible, planes disintegrate when sneezed at, and naval engagements render the laws of buoyancy optional.

In 2023, Gaijin expanded its empire of misery with the addition of War Thunder Mobile, so phone enthusiasts get the joy of uptiering and ammo-racking on their mobile phones as well.

Gameplay

War Thunder is an alleged "combined arms" experience offering air, land, and sea combat—although in practice it's as much an exercise in frustration and despair as it's possible to have. The game features vehicles ranging from pre–World War I (somehow, people couldn't wait to play as hundred-year-old gunboats) to the present day, with World War II, the Vietnam War, and the Cold War receiving particularly prominent treatment—but only in the most historically inaccurate and slanted way imaginable.

They can "enjoy" grinding endlessly through ten tech trees for the United States, Germany, Russia, Britain, France, Japan, Italy, China, Sweden, and Israel. Though the game also has a humorously exaggerated list of other nations, including Argentina, North Korea, Kazakhstan, and even Oman, because nothing is quite as epic as unlocking a premium Kuwaiti tank. They are all available only in the guise of premium high-end cars, ideal for those who like to burn money on a virtual bonfire.

Vehicles are divided into three modes: aviation (in which one wing hit causes catastrophic failure), ground (in which your tank's armor might as well be damp cardboard), and fleet (a entirely overlooked mode that even Gaijin appears to have forgotten exists).

Ships are also divided into "Bluewater" (actual warships) and "Coastal" (small craft with the structural integrity of a pop can). There is single-player, but nobody plays that except people who enjoy watching AI tanks get psychic 360° shots through foliage.

Playing ground battles

Land

You load into a match. It’s an up-tier. Of course, it is. You’re playing Germany, which means you’ll be facing T-34s with plot armor. Or maybe you’re in an M1 Abrams, but Gaijin decided today is the day you get deleted by a ZiS-30 from the other side of the map. Welcome to War Thunder’s matchmaking system, where your suffering is the only constant.

USA

American tanks should be dominant, right? Wrong. They are the designated punching bags. Shermans get obliterated by everything, Hellcats die if you breathe on them too hard, and the M1 Abrams is a cruel joke where even a Cold War-era T-55 can frontally penetrate you. If you're playing America, you better enjoy being set on fire.

Germany

Germany has some of the best tanks in history. In War Thunder? Good luck even scratching a T-34. Panthers can't penetrate Soviet armor from 80 meters even when logic says they should. Tigers are just free kills for T-34-85s. And if you somehow make it to top tier, Leopard 2A6s get shredded by T-80BVMs with magic ERA that blocks everything.

Russia

T-34? Immortal. IS-2? One-shots everything. IS-6? Literally unkillable unless the Russian player makes a mistake (which they won’t). At top tier, the T-80BVM is practically invincible, with insane armor, speed, and ammo that turns enemy tanks into scrap. If you play Russia, you don’t need skill – Gaijin has your back.

Britain

British tanks should be powerful, but they fall apart like paper. Centurions have strong turrets, but that’s exactly where everyone aims. Challengers? A joke. The first hit you take disables everything, and then you just wait to die. You can fight well, but only if your enemy has an aneurysm.

France

French tanks have speed and firepower, but no armor. Which means you die. A lot. AMX-13s can flank well, but the moment someone looks at you, your entire crew evaporates. Leclerc is good, but its repair costs are so high, you’ll go broke playing it.

Japan

Japan has literally no good tanks until BR 6.7. Type 74 and Type 90 should be competitive, but Gaijin makes sure they stay irrelevant with endless nerfs. You’re better off playing something else, because every match will make you hate your life.

Italy

Italy’s early tanks are garbage, and their later ones are just worse versions of German and American vehicles. Why play Italy when you can play Germany and get the same vehicles, but better?

Sweden

Sweden doesn’t make sense, so Gaijin just randomly gave them APDS at BR 3.0. That’s fun… until you get up-tiered into actual tanks that make your fancy shells useless. Their top-tier vehicles are decent, but they always end up fighting against better Russian tanks.

China

China’s tech tree is just a mix of Russian and American vehicles, except they’re always slightly worse. The VT-4 could be good, but Gaijin placed it in a BR where it’s useless. If you play China, you’re basically playing Russia, but with extra suffering.

• You will always be in an up-tier.
• Your team will always be full of morons.
• Russia will always be superior.
• Your best efforts will never be rewarded.
• Gaijin will always find a way to make you suffer.

If you’re still playing War Thunder Ground Forces, you’ve already accepted your fate. Either you feed the snail and buy an overpowered premium tank, or you endure endless pain. But no matter what, remember one thing: ATTACK THE D POINT.

Aerial

Playing air and naval battles

You wanted an authentic flight combat experience? Too bad. What you get instead is an airborne torture simulator where Soviet planes defy the laws of physics, missile spam makes dogfights irrelevant, and Gaijin ensures that your suffering is the only guarantee in every match.

BR 1.0 - 3.7

Congratulations, you've entered the lawnmower wars. Every match is a chaotic furball of reserve-tier planes crashing into each other, because half the players have no idea how to take off. You’ll face Soviet I-153s, which turn so fast they might as well be helicopters, while your American, German, or British plane stalls at the mere thought of a dogfight.

BR 4.0 - 6.0

Welcome to the mid-tier, where Yak-3s tank 30mm shells, but your P-51 explodes if someone sneezes near it. You thought altitude mattered? Nope. You climbed for ten minutes just to be deleted instantly by a La-7 that spawned at 6,000 meters because balance is a joke.

BR 6.3 - 8.0

Now you’re facing the eternal suffering of jet-like props vs. early jets. Spitfires still somehow turn-fight you at Mach Jesus, while the MiG-9 makes sure you never reach speed before you’re obliterated. You brought a bomber? Bad idea. Gaijin’s broken damage models mean that a single rifle-caliber bullet sets your entire plane ablaze, while Soviet bombers can tank direct cannon hits.

BR 8.3 - 9.7

You made it to early jets! Congratulations! Now enjoy being missile food. Every fight is a chaotic mess of F-86 Sabres trying to dogfight MiG-17s, while random AIM-9Bs and R-3S missiles send you to spectator mode before you even see your enemy. If you try to energy fight, expect an R-60 from 2km away to make sure you never pull out of the dive.

BR 10.0 - 12.7

The match starts. Someone launches an AIM-7 from 20km away. Half the team dies before merging. Radar missiles dominate everything, flares only work half the time, and if you get too close, enjoy being deleted by an R-73 that ignores all countermeasures. Flying the F-16? Cool, except you’re up-tiered against Su-27s that delete you instantly.

The War Thunder Air Battle Experience

• You will always be in an up-tier.
• Your team will always be full of idiots.
• Your plane will never be as good as the Soviet equivalent.
• Missiles will always track you, even if you drop flares.
• Gaijin will make sure you never have fun.

So keep flying, keep suffering, and remember: ATTACK THE D POINT.

SIEG HEIL

Naval

You thought War Thunder's air and ground combat was bad? Welcome to Naval Battles, the absolute bottom of Gaijin’s sadistic hellhole. Here, you'll spend 20 minutes sailing just to get bombed by a plane in five seconds. You wanted tactical naval warfare? Too bad. What you get instead is an endless cycle of suffering where destroyers evaporate instantly, cruisers are floating coffins, and aircraft dictate every battle.

BR 1.0 - 3.7

Your adventure begins in a tiny wooden boat with a machine gun. You’ll be facing destroyers with actual cannons that one-shot you instantly. If you get close enough to fire back, you’ll be torpedoed before you even get a hit. Every match is a chaotic mess of speedboats zooming around while larger ships delete you from across the map.

BR 4.0 - 5.7

You finally unlocked a destroyer! Too bad they suck. The moment you spawn, aircraft will drop bombs on you within 30 seconds. You can try fighting back, but Gaijin made sure your anti-aircraft guns are about as useful as throwing rocks. Meanwhile, Soviet destroyers are unkillable and have the firepower of a battleship.

BR 6.0 - 7.7

Cruisers should be powerful, but they just exist to suffer. You finally have big guns, but they reload slower than a snail crawling uphill. Meanwhile, every time you fire, enemy aircraft see your location and bomb you immediately. Got a hit? Great, but Russian cruisers will tank 40 direct shots and still annihilate you in one salvo.

BR 8.0+

You finally unlocked a battleship. You now experience War Thunder’s biggest scam: “Naval Realistic Battles.” This means sailing for 15 minutes just to die instantly. Half the enemy team is in aircraft, which means you’ll be bombed before you can even engage. The other half is in Russian battleships that shrug off damage like they’re invincible. Enjoy your 5-minute reload times and the slowest turret traverse in history.

• You will spend more time sailing than fighting.
• You will always be bombed before you can fire back.
• You will never kill a Russian ship.
• Your AA guns are for decoration.

So set sail, embrace the pain, and remember: ATTACK THE D POINT.

Real Experience

The German Main

I ANGLED !!!!

Main Vehicles:

• Tiger I (H) – Believes the frontal armor is divine protection, finds out that 50-year-old farmers in Shermans disagree.
• Panther A – Rushes into open fields, gets tracked immediately, dies without firing a shot.
• King Tiger (H) – Does not know that a turret cheeks exist—dies to a 1943 T-34-85.
• Maus – Dies in a nuclear explosion after being surrounded by 14 vehicles and bombed by a B-29.
• Dicker Max – Positions on a hill in full view of the enemy, gets ammo-racked in the first 30 seconds.

Preferred Playstyle:

• Forwards is the only gear that exists.
• Maps do not exist. If it’s not directly in front of them, it does not exist.
• Flanking is a capitalist lie.
• Believes Tigers are invincible—gets shot through the driver’s port and detonates immediately.
• Never learned what angling is. Dies in exactly one hit.
• Ignores artillery warnings, parks in the exact center of a bombardment, wonders why the crew is dead.
• Never looks left or right. If it’s not inside their scope, they do not register it.

Famous Last Words:

• "WHY DID I GET ONE-SHOT BY A SHERMAN!?"
• "HANS, LOAD THE APCR—oh. I'm dead."
• "Gaijin hates Germany!!!"

How They Die:

85% of the time: Shot directly through a flat, un-angled armor plate by an enemy they never saw.

10% of the time: Gets rammed and circled by an EBR, cannot traverse turret fast enough, gets executed.

5% of the time: Drives into an open field, gets torn apart by an Su-152, which vaporizes their existence.

Aftermath:

• Rages in chat for exactly 15 minutes.
• Alt+F4s.
• Writes an essay on the forums about how "Gaijin nerfed German tanks."
• Reinstalls two days later and does the exact same thing again.

Least biased soviet vehicle

The Soviet Bias Enjoyer

Main Vehicles:

• T-34-85 (D-5T) – Spams "Slava Rossii!", immediately gets shot through the turret and explodes.
• IS-2 (1944) – Believes in the supremacy of 122mm shells. Takes 40 years to reload, dies instantly.
• BMP-2 – Fires two million rounds per second, still manages to miss every shot.
• SU-152 – Loads one HE shell, spends entire match waiting for the perfect shot, dies without firing.
• T-80U – Gets first kill, celebrates, gets hull-breached by a single Leopard shot.

Preferred Playstyle:

• Rush B mentality.
• Flanking is treason.
• NEVER. STOPS. MOVING.
• Blindly believes in the divine protection of Stalinist armor.
• When they get shot, screams "capitalist bias!"
• All success is attributed to Soviet engineering, all failures are due to NATO war crimes.

Famous Last Words:

• "URA! Wait, why is my tank on fire?!"
• "NATO bias!"
• "WHY IS MY AMMO COOKING OFF!?"

How They Die:

80% of the time: Runs into a Tiger II, assumes "b-but I have sloped armor!"—gets obliterated instantly.

15% of the time: Fires one bad shot at a Leopard 2, gets erased.

5% of the time: Dies instantly because their "Russian bias" vehicle is stock.

Aftermath:

• Complains about "NATO bias" in chat.
• Uninstalls after losing 5 matches in a row.
• Reinstalls when a new Soviet vehicle is added.

The Pay-To-Win Wallet Warrior

Flex

Main Vehicles:

• Leclerc S2 – Spends $70, dies in one shot, ragequits.
• XM-1 (GM) – Thinks they are in an Abrams, immediately gets obliterated by an actual Abrams.
• T-72AV (TURMS-T) – Buys it because it sounds cool, has no idea how to play.
• F-4S Phantom II – Has no idea what flares are, gets deleted by an AIM-9.
• Merkava Mk.4B – Drives backward for 15 minutes, still gets shot in the side.

Preferred Playstyle:

• Buys the most expensive tank available.
• First match ever is at top tier.
• Dies instantly, blames "Gaijin's bad balancing."
• Fires the wrong ammunition type.
• Spends half the match arguing in chat.

Famous Last Words:

• "I paid to win, why am I losing?!"
• "Wait, which ammo do I use?"
• "WHY CAN'T I PEN THIS GUY!?"

How They Die:

99% of the time: Dies instantly because they don’t know how to play.

1% of the time: Rams a teammate, flips over, explodes.

What Happens Next:

Until their Click-Bait got demolished by low-tier

• Respawns… in a Reserve vehicle.
• Heinkel He 51 – A WWI-tier biplane at 11.0 BR, gets annihilated instantly.
• T-26 – Shoots a Leopard 2, does zero damage, gets vaporized.
• LVT(A)-1 – Spawns on a top-tier battlefield, dies immediately.

Final Outcome:

• Sends a refund request to Gaijin.
• Uninstalls forever.
• Reinstalls a week later when a new $70 premium is released.

The Anime Decal Weeb

Least cursed Weeb creation

Main Vehicles:

• Type 74G – Only plays because "it looks cool."
• Leopard 2A4 (covered in anime girls) – "Sugoi desu!" before getting nuked.
• M18 Hellcat (UwU edition) – Speeds into battle, dies before they can say "nya~."

Preferred Playstyle:

• Never actually plays.
• Spends entire time applying decals.
• Thinks a cute anime girl will protect them from APFSDS.

How They Die:

90% of the time: Dies because they were busy typing "Nyaa~" in chat.

10% of the time: Flips their tank over, dies.

Aftermath:

• Uninstalls in shame.
• Reinstalls for the next anime event.

ATTACK THE D POINT !!!!!!!!!!!!

The “ATTACK THE D POINT” Lunatic

Main Vehicles:

• M18 Hellcat – Fast as hell, but doesn't matter because they die in 30 seconds.
• Cromwell V – Races to D point at 90 km/h, flips over, explodes.
• BT-5 – Believes speed = invincibility, gets obliterated before reaching the point.
• EBR 1954 – Spins in circles at Mach 2, cannot hit anything, dies to a random .50 cal burst.
• BTR-152 – Tries to cap with an open-top vehicle, gets erased by a single artillery shell.

Preferred Playstyle:

• CAP. THE. D. POINT. AT. ALL. COSTS.
• Ignores teammates.
• Ignores enemy positions.
• Ignores physics.
• Rushes past 10 enemies without firing, dies immediately.
• Screams "ATTACK THE D POINT" in chat every five seconds.
• If the D point does not exist, they will invent it.

Famous Last Words:

• "GUYS, WHY AREN’T YOU ATTACKING D!?"
• "I’M THE ONLY ONE PUSHING!"
• "WHERE IS MY TEAM!?"

How They Die:

50% of the time: Drives into a contested cap zone, gets instantly deleted.

30% of the time: Flies straight into the ground because "D point is down there."

15% of the time: Drives into a river, realizes too late that their tank is not amphibious.

5% of the time: Dies to friendly fire because even teammates hate them.

Aftermath:

• Spams "ATTACK THE D POINT" in chat until muted.
• Dies five times in a row, blames teammates.
• Uninstalls out of rage.
• Reinstalls 24 hours later to yell about D point again.

Casual BR 1.0 just killed BR 10.3

The “GOD MODE HUNTER”

The God Mode Hunter is not a player—it is a demon lurking in War Thunder’s matchmaker, a sentient embodiment of suffering that exists only to crush souls. They are the final boss of human patience, the executioner of fragile egos, and the reason top-tier players wake up screaming at night.

This war criminal has unlocked everything in the game. Every single nation. Every single tank. Every single plane. They have transcended grinding, skill, and sanity. They could play meta vehicles, but that would be too easy. Instead, they prefer to destroy multi-million-dollar war machines using technology from 1932.

They descend into top-tier matches armed with nothing but rust, cloth, and pure malice, hunting wallet warriors and cocky stat-padders like a rabid wolf tearing apart farm animals.

Vehicles:

• I-15 Chaika (BR 1.0) – A literal biplane, powered by Stalin’s ghost and bad intentions. Somehow outturns F-22s and shoots them down with 7.62mm bullets designed for peasants.
• He 51C (BR 1.3) – A wooden coffin with machine guns, yet somehow it downs jets that cost the GDP of a small country.
• Po-2 (BR 1.0) – The slowest aircraft in existence. Yet, through unholy dark magic, it has evaded radar, dropped a single 50kg bomb, and deleted a Leopard 2A7 from history.
• Fw 189 (BR 2.0) – A reconnaissance plane that makes stealth bombers look like toddlers on training wheels. This eldritch abomination sneaks through missile defenses and obliterates enemies with a single lucky 20mm burst.
• LVT(A)-1 (BR 1.0) – This amphibious bathtub is a joke at low-tier. But in the hands of the God Mode Hunter, it swims through rivers of high-tier corpses, shrugging off 120mm APFSDS rounds and headshotting Leopards with its miserable 37mm gun.
• T-26 (BR 1.0) – A rolling tin can that somehow penetrates an Abrams’ turret with a single APHE shot from 1933.
• M22 Locust (BR 2.0) – This tiny American cockroach does Mach Jesus through a battlefield filled with ATGMs and ERA-clad behemoths, flanking billion-dollar tanks and making them disappear with surgical precision.
• Pz.II C (R) (BR 1.0) – Goes head-to-head with a T-80BVM and wins, because why the hell not?
• Sturmpanzer II (BR 1.0) – Lobs HE shells at Type 10s from across the map. They explode instantly, taking entire crews with them. Japanese players shed a single tear as they uninstall the game.
• Sd.Kfz. 222 (BR 1.0) – An open-top car from 1938. Somehow survives being hit by a Hellfire missile and kills an M1A2 SEP by shooting it in the optics.

The Hunt Begins:

• Queues into an 11.7 match with a vehicle that should not legally be able to harm a house cat.
• Spawns in a WWI-tier aircraft or interwar tank, while the enemy team laughs.
• Takes off, dodges five AIM-9X missiles by ‘accident.’
• Hunts down an F-16, outturns it, and destroys it with a machine gun round that predates the Cold War.
• Charges into an Abrams column, survives direct hits because Gaijin's damage model is a cruel joke.
• Somehow kills an M1A2 by shooting the driver’s hatch.
• Spams the chat with ‘easy.’
• The enemy team collectively screams.
• At least one player breaks their keyboard in frustration.
• The match ends.

Aftermath:

• At least three high-tier players suffer actual heart attacks.
• Somewhere, a Pay-to-Win kid throws their $70 premium tank into the nearest river.
• Gaijin receives multiple hack reports, does nothing.
• The God Mode Hunter is already in queue for their next match.
• Another day, another victim.

Just some IS-3

The Russian Propagandist

Main Vehicles:

• IS-3 – Spams "Slava Rossii!", immediately gets shot through the turret and explodes.
• KV-1 (ZIS-5) – Thinks it's invincible, dies to a single Panzer IV shot.
• T-26 – Somehow has a giant "Z" sticker on it, disintegrates upon spawning.
• SU-76M – "Self-propelled artillery supremacy!", eaten alive by an M3 Stuart.
• BT-7 – Drives in a straight line screaming "URA!", flips over a fence, catches fire, dies.

Preferred Playstyle:

• Never plays above BR 7.0.
• Every tank must have a "Z" decal. Even ones from the 1930s.
• Blindly charges forward, assuming Stalinist armor will save them.
• Dies immediately, blames "Western bias."
• NEVER flanks. Flanking is for capitalist cowards.

Famous Last Words:

• "URA! Wait, why is my tank on fire?!"
• "Gaijin hates Russia!"
• "Western propaganda! My T-34 should be invincible!"

How They Die:

80% of the time: Charges directly at a German heavy tank, gets instantly deleted.

15% of the time: Tries to "angle" a KV-1, dies anyway.

5% of the time: Gets vaporized by an HE shell because they forgot open-top TDs exist.

Aftermath:

• Complains about "Western bias" in chat.
• Leaves an angry comment on Gaijin's VK page.
• Uninstalls in a rage.
• Reinstalls when a new Soviet tank is added.

The British Main

B E S H

Main Vehicles:

• FV4005 – Lives only to delete Leopard 2A6s with 183mm HESH. If destroyed, immediately respawns in a Lancaster, drops a 12,000 lb bomb, wipes out half his team, gets banned, and does it again.
• Tortoise – Spends the entire game inching forward, dies to a single arty strike.
• Challenger 2 (anything) – Gets instantly hull-breached, complains that "it was a skill issue."
• Centurion Mk. 10 – Angled to perfection, dies anyway.
• Churchill Mk. VII – "Unkillable fortress!", gets one-shot by a Jagdpanzer.

Preferred Playstyle:

• Snipes from 2 km away, claims it's "tactical positioning."
• Never caps points. That’s for peasants.
• Uses HESH even when it's a terrible choice.
• Spams "Attack the D point!", even though D point doesn’t exist.
• Refuses to play anything but British tanks, even if they're complete garbage.

Famous Last Words:

• "HESH should have killed him!"
• "Tea time, chaps!"
• "WHY DOES MY CHALLENGER HAVE NO PROTECTION?!"

How They Die:

60% of the time: Misses a crucial HESH shot, dies immediately.

30% of the time: Doesn't move for 10 minutes, gets bombed.

10% of the time: Forgets they have teammates, gets flanked and annihilated.

Aftermath:

• Writes a 5-paragraph rant on the forums about how HESH is "underpowered."
• Spams "Attack the D point!" in chat until muted.
• Sips tea, cries internally.
• Plays another match.

The OG Collector

Main Vehicles:

• E-100 – No one knows how they got this.
• Tiger II (10,5 cm Kwk) – A cursed artifact of War Thunder past.
• I-180S – A plane that was removed before 90% of players even knew it existed.
• P-51A (NA) – A Mustang with an identity crisis.
• Ho-Ri Production – A tank that should never have been allowed to exist.

Preferred Playstyle:

• Plays for historical accuracy, not fun.
• Flexes their rare vehicles in chat.
• Has 10,000+ battles but still a 0.9 K/D ratio.
• Claims they played War Thunder when it was "good."
• Reminds everyone that they own an E-100 at least twice a match.

Famous Last Words:

• "You kids don’t remember the golden days of War Thunder."
• "I miss when this game was realistic."
• "This game used to be better."

How They Die:

70% of the time: Uses a rare, outdated tank, gets obliterated by modern tech.

20% of the time: Disconnects mid-match to adjust their War Thunder museum.

10% of the time: Gets bombed while typing a forum post.

Aftermath:

• Refuses to play modern vehicles.
• Spends hours in the hangar admiring their collection.
• Complains that Gaijin removed the event shop.
• Plays again tomorrow.

Just a funny truck, isn't it.......

The SPAA-Only Psycho

Main Vehicles:

• ZSU-23-4 Shilka – Turns jets into scrap metal AND somehow kills Leopards.
• Gepard – Missed a shot? Doesn’t matter, 999 more coming.
• Falcon – Obliterates Phantoms and T-80Us alike.
• VEAK 40 – "Is it really an SPAA if it kills more tanks than planes?"
• Type 87 – "Japan needed something broken, so they made this."
• GAZ AAA (4M) – 4 Maxim machine guns? Enough for everything.
• Vz. 53/59 – Twin 30mm cannons? That's just light ballistic genocide.

Preferred Playstyle:

• Only plays SPAA. Literally nothing else.
• Never lets enemy planes breathe.
• Shoots down an F-14 before its Phoenix missiles leave the rails.
• If there are no planes, starts hunting tanks instead.
• Somehow gets more kills than actual tank players.
• Sits at the back of the map waiting for jets, then casually deletes an entire enemy push.

Tactics:

• "No air? No problem!" – Just aim at tanks instead.
• "Light tanks are free kills." – Poor R3 T20s and Hellcats never stood a chance.
• "Weak side armor? HEAT time!" – Centurions, Leopards, and T-55s cry in the corner.
• "Everything is a target." – Planes, tanks, ships, players, their ego, Gaijin servers.

Famous Last Words:

• "Gepard supremacy."
• "Where are the planes? I need more!"
• "Bro, how did my SPAA just kill a T-80?"
• "Skill issue."

How They Die:

50% of the time: Runs out of ammo, gets rushed by an angry Leopard 2.

30% of the time: Tunnels so hard on a plane that they get sniped.

20% of the time: Drives onto a cap point "for fun" and gets deleted.

Aftermath:

• Waits for planes to spawn.
• Keeps playing even if there are no aircraft.
• Turns off the game but still hears the sound of jet engines in their head.
• Returns tomorrow for another hunt.

Common Traits Among All War Thunder Players (The Universal Truths)

Regardless of faction, all War Thunder players share a single, horrifying reality:

• Spams "ATTACK THE D POINT" in chat.
• There is no D point.
• There has never been a D point.
• There will never be a D point.

And yet, everyone screams about it like possessed lunatics.

The chat is a mix of unreadable nonsense, rage, and racism.

• No matter what server you’re on, within five minutes someone will type "I HATE NIGGERS".
• Gaijin bans them for 24 hours, and they come right back.
• Nobody is surprised.

War Thunder is essentially the last refuge of edgy 13-year-olds who think racism is funny and a bunch of 40-year-old Wehraboos stuck in 1943.

• Everyone plays like a braindead.
• Nobody captures points.
• Nobody watches flanks.
• Nobody knows how to use smoke grenades.

Everyone is too busy raging at their team to play properly.

Average custom battle

Custom battles

When you click on Custom Battles, something inside you dies.

• Normal players do not return here.
• Normal players do not end up here.
• Normal players do not survive here.

• There are no rules.
• There is no balance.
• There is no mercy.

This is War Thunder’s true endgame. The place where sanity collapses, where the most deranged, unhinged, and downright vile creatures crawl out of their holes to feast on the suffering of others.

• Here, money means nothing.
• Here, skill means nothing.
• Here, hope means nothing.

A match starts. A random map. A random mode. The lobby description is gibberish. Cyrillic, broken English, hentai references, political slurs. Someone wrote “FREE UKRAINE,” and they were instantly banned.

You spawn in a reserve tank. A mistake. The first thing you see is a Maus humping a T-26. Two players, a 12-year-old in Poland and a 45-year-old Russian alcoholic, are forcibly mating their tanks. Their teams watch in silence.

The chat is unreadable.

• Someone is spelling "N-I-G-G-E-R" letter by letter.
• Someone is blasting GuP music.
• Someone is screaming "ATTACK THE D POINT!" despite there being no D point.

A French main (What an idiot) enters the battlefield in his AMX-50 Surblindé. He paid $1000 for this thing. He announces it in chat. He dies immediately. Not to an ATGM, not to a sabot round. But to a M22 Locust (BR 2.0). The Locust player, a deranged God Mode Hunter, has been playing War Thunder since before you were born. He delights in humiliating people. He kills two more modern tanks before vanishing into the shadows.

An IS-2 with a Z symbol slowly creeps forward. His gun points at nothing. He isn’t here to fight. He is here to ram you. You try to move. Too late. Your light tank is now pinned under his tracks. His friend, another Soviet bias enjoyer in a BT-5, arrives. He mounts your tank from behind. You hear a sound. The unmistakable, horrifying sound of metal grinding against metal. They are mating you. Your tank is motionless. Your crew is paralyzed. Your dignity is gone.

Then, a B-29 enters the sky.

• It is carrying a nuclear bomb.
• It sees only one solution.

The nuke drops. Everyone dies. In the post-battle chat, someone types:

“GG EZ.”

You uninstall. You reinstall two days later. Because you can never leave.

Leaks

Some braindead is just threating Gaijin by leaking classified documents about Type 16 wheeled cannon vehicle

No one knows how. No one knows why. But War Thunder has somehow become the greatest intelligence-gathering operation in modern history.

• Top-secret military documents? Leaked on the forums.
• Classified tank armor specifications? Available on a random War Thunder Discord.
• Weapon performance data restricted by multiple governments? Uploaded by some guy named "TigerFan1943" in a balance complaint.
• War Thunder isn’t just a game—it’s an international security crisis.

The Holy Snail:

Gaijin’s snail mascot isn’t just a logo—it’s a multi-dimensional being, an all-knowing entity, an eldritch horror that exists beyond time and space.

The snail:

• Can see through military secrecy like a glass window.
• Has agents embedded in every defense contractor.
• Knows more about NATO equipment than NATO does.
• Could singlehandedly rewrite the history of armored warfare.
• If it exists, the Snail knows it.
• If it’s classified, the Snail already has the files.
• If it’s posted on the forums, the Snail acts like it’s shocked and bans the user.

How the Leaks Happen:

Challenger 2 isn't a bad tank though. However its armor in game lacks against competitors of the same tier like M1A1, T-80 etc........

• Some guy gets mad that his favorite tank isn’t performing correctly.
• Decides to "prove Gaijin wrong" using "evidence."
• Uploads an entire classified military document to the War Thunder forums.
• Gaijin: "Guys, PLEASE stop leaking state secrets."
• Forums: "lol, skill issue."

Intelligence agencies around the world start investigating War Thunder players. The leak spreads to every dark corner of the internet. The document is now public knowledge. Forever.

........so some turd (actual Challenger 2 commander) playing Challenger 2in game just decides to send them classified information about armor layout.

Notable War Thunder Leaks:

• Challenger 2 armor specs (Britain was not pleased.)
• Leclerc turret details (France sent actual military police to investigate.)
• AH-64 Apache helicopter manual (US players were definitely put on a watchlist.)
• Chinese tank fire control systems (China considers War Thunder a national security threat.)
• F-16 flight performance data (DoD interns cried.)
• Various Russian tank documents (Nobody was surprised.)

How Governments React:

• UK Ministry of Defense: "What the actual hell is going on?"
• Pentagon: "Are… are War Thunder players more efficient than the CIA?"
• French Army: Sends agents to knock on someone's door at 2 AM.
• China: Censors War Thunder for "endangering national security."
• Russia: "What do you mean our T-90 isn’t as good as we said it was?"

Snail's response

Gaijin's Official Response:

• "Guys, please stop leaking classified military documents."
• Bans the user.
• Uses the leaked information to "balance" the game.
• Profits.

Premium shop

Gaijin employee stealing money from players

The War Thunder Premium Shop is the feeding ground of the insatiable snails, the ultimate scam operation designed to separate foolish players from their money. Operated by greedy, soulless gastropods, this shop is filled with overpriced pixel tanks, clickbait bundles, and digital junk that costs more than an actual car payment.

What’s on Offer?

• Premium Vehicles – Scam in a Box
• For those who don’t want to grind, the snails offer "premium" vehicles—which are either nerfed, clickbait, or outright scams.

Types of Premium Vehicles:

• "Balanced" Tanks That Get Nerfed Instantly – Gaijin releases an OP premium, sells thousands, then immediately "fixes" it with a stealth nerf.
• Clickbait Vehicles – Gaijin literally added the M1A1 Click-Bait, a downgraded M1A1 (which is in tech tree) with a plastic chair on the turret. The name itself tells you how much they respect their players.
• Historical Garbage That Was Canceled for a Reason – Tanks that barely worked on paper but are now sold for $60+.

Vehicles That Have Cost Players $1000+ Real Dollars:

• IS-7 (The Snail’s Golden Egg) – A Soviet heavy tank so rare that players have literally spent over $1000 in Gaijin’s "marketplace" just to own one.
• AMX-50 Surblindé – A French heavy tank with a stupid name, locked behind an event so brutal that players had to burn hundreds of dollars just to complete it. But that 120 mm autoloader is cool.

Golden Eagles

Golden Eagles are Gaijin’s pay-to-progress currency, useful for:

• Skipping research – because the tech tree is designed to be a miserable grind.
• Crew training – because Gaijin makes your tankers forget how to reload unless you pay them.
• Buying premium vehicles – which will be nerfed or made obsolete soon after purchase.

The snails ensure that no amount of Golden Eagles is ever enough. Need 3000? They sell packs of 2,500 or 5,000, forcing you to spend more than necessary.

Premium Account – More Gains, Still Not Enough

Premium accounts double your earnings, but this doesn’t stop Gaijin from making sure you lose money anyway. Even with Premium:

• High-tier repair costs will leave you broke.
• Matchmaking will throw you against better-equipped players.
• Stock vehicles will still be awful, forcing you to pay more.
• Absurdly Overpriced Bundles – Because the Snail Needs to Eat

Gaijin knows that some players have too much money and too little sense, which is why they offer:

"The Golden Grinder" Pack – $99.99

• A premium vehicle that will be nerfed soon.
• 10,000 Golden Eagles, just short of what you actually need.
• A snail-themed decal, so everyone knows you fell for it.

"Sell Your Kidney" Pack – $499.99

• Three premium vehicles that won’t even be meta in a year.
• 1,000,000 Silver Lions – barely enough for repairs.
• A forum badge proving that you’ve officially been milked.

Gaijin Marketplace

For those who think they can outsmart the snails, Gaijin offers the Marketplace, where players can trade in-game items using Gaijin Coin (GJN).

• Can you cash out your GJN for real money? No.
• Can Gaijin change the market prices whenever they want? Yes.
• Are items worth ridiculous amounts? Yes. The IS-7 and AMX-50 Surblindé have sold for over $1000 in GJN.
• Is this entire system a scam? Absolutely.

Snail Business Tactics

The snail overlords have perfected the art of extracting maximum money while giving you as little as possible. Their top tactics include:

• Artificial Scarcity – "Limited-time" vehicles force panic-buying before people realize they got scammed.
• Clickbait Sales – Gaijin literally named a tank Click-Bait, yet players still bought it. The snails laughed the whole way to the bank.
• Stealth Nerfs – The moment a premium vehicle sells enough copies, it magically gets weaker.
• Fake "Discounts" – Gaijin jacks up prices, then pretends to lower them, so people rush to buy imaginary savings.

Why play War Thunder

1. You Enjoy Suffering

• You like the idea of grinding for 500 hours just to unlock a single vehicle.
• You want to experience what it feels like to be punched in the stomach by RNG every single match.
• You love the thrill of getting one-shot from across the map by a random T-34 from 1943.
• You find great joy in spawning, moving 10 meters, and instantly getting bombed by an F-4 Phantom.
• You want to feel the pain of spending real money on premium vehicles that still get destroyed in one hit.

2. You Want to Study Human Psychology

• You want to see what happens when grown men have emotional breakdowns over pixels.
• You enjoy watching people threaten to uninstall in chat but come back 20 minutes later.
• You want to observe how people will blame literally everything except themselves for their failures.
• You like seeing people get so angry at the game that they leak classified military documents.
• You find it fascinating that entire nations get mad at Gaijin for "bias" whenever they lose.

3. You’re a Historian

• You love military history, so you thought, “Hey, a realistic tank game should be fun!”
• You were wrong.
• You now spend your time arguing on forums about why your favorite tank should be stronger.
• You have developed a deep hatred for "paper statistics" because Gaijin uses them to nerf everything.
• You are learning more about ballistics, armor penetration, and engine horsepower than actual military engineers.

4. You Want to Prove Yourself

• You believe you are better than the average War Thunder player.
• You are not.
• You think that if you just "git gud," the game will become fun.
• It won’t.
• You keep telling yourself that the suffering is temporary, but the suffering is eternal.
• You refuse to quit, even though the game has already broken you.

5. You Are Addicted

• You tell yourself you hate this game, but you keep coming back.
• You’ve rage-uninstalled it at least five times.
• You check the forums for no reason other than to see people suffering.
• You see a new vehicle in a tech tree and think, "Maybe I should grind for it..."
• Congratulations, you are trapped. Gaijin owns your soul now.

6. You Want to See How Broken the Game Is

• You get joy from watching AMX-40s drift around corners like Need for Speed.
• You laugh when SPAA players destroy tanks like it’s normal.
• You love the insanity of people killing F-16s with biplanes.
• You play just to see what stupid glitch, broken mechanic, or unbalanced nonsense happens next.
• You don’t play to win, you play to watch the game burn.

7. You Just Wanted a Fun Tank Game

• You thought War Thunder was just a casual game where you drive tanks.
• You were horribly mistaken.
• Now you’re stuck in a match where a BMP is flying, a Leopard 2 got killed by a 1938 truck, and someone is screaming "ATTACK THE D POINT" in chat.
• You wanted fun.
• You got a life-destroying addiction instead.

Why NOT play War Thunder

1. The Ads Lied to You

• You saw those cool-looking ads where tanks explode in epic cinematic battles.
• You thought, "Wow, that looks fun!"
• Reality check: the game is nothing like that.

Instead of epic battles, you get:

• Getting one-shot by an enemy you never saw.
• Spending 90% of the match waiting to respawn.
• Watching your teammates disintegrate like dust in the wind.
• The only real "cinematic experience" is watching your crew burn to death in ultra-realistic detail.

2. The "Balance" is a Joke

• You pick your favorite nation? Wrong choice. Gaijin has already decided that it’s the weakest one.
• Your tank gets destroyed in one hit? Skill issue.
• You finally unlock a high-tier tank? Too bad, it’s already outdated.
• Every time a new vehicle is added:
• It is either overpowered beyond belief or completely useless.
• Gaijin will nerf/buff it randomly, based on their mood.
• The community will rage, and nothing will change.

3. "Russian Bias" and Other Conspiracies

• Some nations have magical plot armor.
• Russian tanks have extra-stalinized sloped armor that somehow stops APFSDS shells.
• Leopard 2s and Abrams explode if you sneeze on them.
• Meanwhile, a T-80U can take a direct hit from a nuclear bomb and drive away.
• Every time someone complains, Gaijin’s response is:
• “The armor is working as intended.”
• "L2P" (Translation: Suffer in silence.)
• "Here, have a $70 premium tank instead."

4. The Matchmaker is Pure Sadism

BR compression makes no sense.

• You queue in a 5.7 tank? You’re fighting 7.0s.
• You queue in a 9.7 tank? Welcome to 11.3.
• You queue in 1.0? Prepare to get spawn-killed by a veteran using a 1930s tank like a sniper rifle.
• Teams are never balanced.
• One side gets six veteran players.
• The other side gets ten confused children who just installed the game.
• Guess which side you’re on.

5. The Grind is a Psychological Torture Experiment

• You want to unlock a high-tier vehicle? That’ll take approximately 300 hours.
• Want a modification to make your tank slightly less useless? That’s another 50 hours of suffering.
• Stock vehicles feel like driving a cardboard box with a potato cannon.
• Every match gives you just enough progress to keep you hooked—but never enough to feel satisfied.
• Gaijin is playing mind games with you, and you don’t even realize it.

6. This Game Actively Destroys Your Brain

• You start seeing ballistic calculations in your dreams.
• You can’t enjoy other games because nothing else hurts as much.
• You wake up in a cold sweat, screaming, “ATTACK THE D POINT!”
• You start referring to real-life situations in War Thunder terms:
• "This guy cut me off in traffic? That’s an unfair engagement!"
• "My boss just yelled at me? That’s soft kill damage to morale!"
• You begin raging at historical inaccuracies in movies.
• Your patience and sanity slowly erode, but you refuse to quit.

7. The Economy is Designed to Make You Suffer

• Repair costs are so high that you lose money even when you win.
• Some vehicles cost millions of Silver Lions to unlock and then millions more to repair.
• If you want to progress faster, you have two options:
• Sell your soul and grind for 1000 hours.
• Whip out Dad’s credit card and pay $70 for a single tank.
• Gaijin knows you’ll eventually give in and pay.

8. The Community is a Hellscape

Every match is a psychological war zone. Team chat is a mix of:

• People blaming their team for losing.
• People screaming about Russian bias.
• People yelling "skill issue" at anyone who complains.
• At least one person trying to leak classified military documents.
• New players get bullied.
• Veteran players are jaded, angry husks.
• Gaijin does not care.

9. Once You Start, You Can Never Leave

• You rage-uninstall the game? You’ll be back in a week.
• You swear never to spend money? Wait until you see a cool new premium.
• You tell yourself you’ll play casually? That’s what everyone thinks before they lose their mind.
• No one truly quits War Thunder. They just take breaks.

10. Your Sanity is More Valuable Than This Game

• War Thunder will not make you happy.
• War Thunder will not reward you for your time.
• War Thunder will not let you win fairly.
• War Thunder will only bring you frustration, pain, and regret.

Do yourself a favor. Uninstall before it’s too late.

See also

• Mental illness
• Sick-fuckery
• Suicide