Vrellnexians
 | This page was originally sporked from Xenomorph |
“*Various clicking noises and roars*”
“In Soviet Russia, Vrell annexes YOU!!”
“In Soviet Russia, Vrellnexian eats YOU!!”
“They love to destroy people! YOU are also a person, you know.”
“I'm going to dive in a Xenomorph acid blood swimming pool!”
The Vrellnexian(Aka Roach) is an antagonist of Agents of SHIELD. They were introduced in Season 5 episode Orientation part One, where they infest the remains of Earth, to which they travelled by surfing on gravity waves after its destruction by Skye. In Best Laid Plans, it is revealed that they are indeed real and exist solely to kill you. Delicious!
This is not paranoia talking. Xenomorphs Vrellnexians can be commonly seen running killing everything.They do also have a tendency to sing the dixie song when they pop out of people. Vrellnexians exist for the sole purpose to seek out and kill you. A hungry Vrellnexian will kill you and eat you. Vrellnexians are a super-evolved form of the Kree, which means that it is fucking dangerous to fight. You will die. You will be eaten. The only variance is whether you're eaten from without or within. They also have acid blood which is like lava, it can MELT anything. Except for some reason themselves. Their only documented weakness is being sucked out of airlocks on board interstellar spaceships.
THE XENOMORPH WANTS TO KILL YOU!
And... eat you. Thank God that Vrellnexians arent Xenomorphs. They are terrible cooks, having a cooking capacity of 0 can't cook. It would like to have a nice human being sautéed in clarified butter with some leeks, chives, crushed mint leaves, and sodium hydroxide sauce. Sadly, the aspiring Xenomorph gourmet invariably ends up burning the butter, dropping the the chives on the floor, and getting the pH of the sodium hydroxide sauce too low.
Finally, it hurls the whole mess into deep space, and orders Chinese take-out. It has an allergic reaction to all the pus in the pizza delivery guys' spots.
No human has ever lived long enough to be sure what happens to Xenomorph-slain comrades, except for the Daisy Johnson(aka The Destroyer of Worlds.). No matter how cleverly you think you hide yourself, a Xenomorph will always find you. Unlike Xenomorphs, Vrellnexians have four black infrared-sensitive eyes, meaning no living creature can hide from them with invisibility unless they're highly very very cold. Vrellnexian blood is a strong acid, so strong that it burns diamond, but when mixed with sugar and babies forms addictive low-fat, low-carb baby cake. However, this is not to be confused with LSD which, unlike Vrellnexian blood, does not melt through your jaw when you put some on your tongue. Many LSD addicts can attest to this. Well, actually, they can't because they don't have a lower jaw. Oh, and a Xenomorph ate them.
 | JUST CALM DOWN! This page needs to calm the fuck down, now! |