User talk:Rentastrawberry
L.A. Woman[edit source]
Sorry about that... I think what I really meant to put on there was the rewrite template. But here's my thoughts, since you asked. :) You've got a truly famous song here, by a monolithically famous man/group. You start out the Article with fact: Jim Morrisson/the Doors did write it, and they were indeed infamous. You even end on a partial fact; Morrisson was, most of his carreer, fucked out of his skull on a vast assortment of substances. Yet from the second point on, you speedball into a purely nonsensical and terminally short anecdote filled with dead links and patently false information -- quite a departure from the factual opening, and in my opinion, too great a departure. Plus, something with this much history deserves more than three sentences (and in no way deserves "Beaver Man.") My suggestion, then, becomes this; a.) Expand. b.) progress slowly into pure nonsense rather than slapping your reader in the face with it in the second sentence. c.) Get rid of links that don't lead anywhere, as they're literally red flags to your readers. Remember, in order to be funny, you have to do more than just confuse your readers -- you have to lead them in and twist them around. I hope this helps! Oh, and I changed the template to Rewrite!--King In Yellow 01:30, 15 Dec 2005 (UTC)