User talk:Paine

Welcome![edit source]

Hello, Paine, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for nooblets:

If you read anything at all, make it the above two links. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these:

About Uncyclopedia and The five pliers of Uncyclopedia
How to get started editing on uncyclopedia
Everything you ever wanted to know, but were afraid to ask
Help Pages - if you need help with a specific issue

I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button () above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or add the following: {{help}} to this page along with a message and someone will come along and help you if they can. Again, welcome!

Now, being less formal, the above message you will see in every user talk page. However, that not means this is an automated message. Really, I had to click myself on your user talk, copy-paste this stuff and submit it with my own fleshy finger. Now some personal non-official advices:

You may think some stuff that appear everywhere here are cool, but those things are utterly overused and not anymore welcome. Among the sophisticated intelligentsia, we call this phenomenon cliché, and Oscar Wilde, Chuck Norris, Russian Reversal and Mr. T. are surelly worn out to the death. Just don't mention them except you have a very good reason.
Another stuff we veterans hate is Random Humor. Don't put chicken from Mars in an article about George Washington. That's it.
Humor is a subtle subject. You will find people that tell you that talking about excrets is just bad taste - count me among them - and others will find this kind of stuff the pinnacle of subversive irony. Just stay calm and try to learn what works better. No one here will ban you if you don't impose your ideas on already created stuff.
Never recreate a deleted article. Never. Never redo a reverted edit. Never.
And don't be afraid. We don't eat people. Usually. -- herr doktor needsAV2 [scream!] 15:36, 31 January 2007 (UTC)