User talk:Highly uncorporated/sandbox

The Germanic-mongol Xenowar (5272 bc-?)

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• • The Germanic-Mongol Xenowar**

The **Germanic-Mongol Xenowar** was an ancient, intergalactic conflict fought between two hyperpower civilizations: **The Sino-Siam-Germanic-Finnic Empire** and **The Mongo-African Khaganate**. Historians still debate its origins, its true timeline, and—more importantly—whether anyone actually knew what was happening when it began. What is certain is that this war stretched across **Hyperborea, the Atlantic, the Canadian Snows, Zealand, Greater Adria, Sunda, New Caledonia, Balkanatolia, and even Outer Space**.

It was a war fought with **hyperstellar fleets, planet-shattering weaponry, and questionable military tactics**, leading to **the extinction of all humans and several unfortunate animals caught in the chaos**. Entire civilizations crumbled, and in the aftermath, only scattered relics—**cave paintings and mysterious Martian artifacts**—remained to tell the tale.

File:OIP.jfif Mars arriving on eygpt Belligerents

The Sino-Siam-Germanic-Finnic Empire (Masters of unnecessary efficiency)
The Mongo-African Khaganate (Expert horse riders and snack hoarders)
The Corn Technocracy (Believes war should only be fought after popcorn breaks)
The Moon (Joined because Earth was making too much noise)

File:Trying-to-make-flag-for-a-fictional-country-v0-5pmbui67lmce1.webp Neo-Zhy (Pretended to help) Enemies Hyperstellar Battle Ducks (No one saw them coming. No one survived their quacks.) The Rogue Accountant Guild (Funded both sides while charging hidden fees) The Bacterial Bureaucrats (Slowly taking over civilization through paperwork) The Multiverse That Got Nuked (Existed. Then didn’t.) Mars’ Unpaid Debts (Started a war over a forgotten space parking ticket)

• • The Origins of War: A Galactic Who-Dunnit**

It is theorized that war officially began when **Mars invaded the 1st Ghaganate of Battle**, igniting mass hysteria among nations who, quite frankly, were not prepared for an interplanetary conflict. The problem was that no one knew *who* actually ordered the invasion—every major power in existence immediately denied responsibility and, in a stunning display of diplomacy, started **randomly blaming each other**.

Thus began the **Great Blame Game**, a period in which emperors, warlords, and corporate overlords scrambled to prove that *someone else* was at fault. Tensions skyrocketed, alliances shattered, and generals found themselves trapped in increasingly ridiculous accusations. One anonymous letter even suggested that a **rogue group of hyper-intelligent space hamsters** had orchestrated the attack from the shadows.

• • The First Moves: Strategic Genius or Cosmic Idiocy?**

As accusations turned into actual warfare, **the Corn Technocracy** and **Neo-Zhy** aligned themselves with the **Germanic Empire**, hoping to prevent the Mongol-African forces from achieving total dominance. The ensuing battles spanned entire continents, with each side deploying **state-of-the-art war mechs, quantum disruptor cannons, and questionable strategic decisions**.

In **Hyperborea**, soldiers had to navigate frozen landscapes while **dodging missile strikes and unexpected ice-skating tournaments**. **The Canadian Snows** became a nightmare battleground where slipping on ice was a bigger problem than enemy fire. **Greater Adria**, however, transformed into a **glorious gladiator arena**, as generals on both sides decided it was simply too scenic to waste on traditional warfare.

Meanwhile, in **Balkanatolia**, war plans collapsed entirely when an army division accidentally **started a highly competitive soccer tournament using plasma grenades**. Instead of victory, the only prize was **a one-way ticket to the nearest emergency medical tent**.

• • The Moon and Mars Join the Chaos**

As the war raged across Earth, **the Moon and Mars** were drawn into the conflict, each supporting the Germanic Empire in its bid to **prevent complete annihilation**. The Moon, known among historians as **“Prime Sh*t-Freaked Belligerent,”** became an unlikely hero in stopping the madness.

However, Mars, desperate to maintain its influence, **launched Hyperstellar Space Ultra Nukes**, intended to obliterate the Germanic Empire once and for all. In an *unfortunate* miscalculation, one Ultra Nuke **accidentally entered another multiverse**, causing said multiverse to **explode in its entirety**.

The destruction rippled across realities, triggering the **rapid and unexplainable collapse** of every warring empire. No one truly understood how it happened, but scientists now suspect that it was caused by **an ancient, unknown force that got fed up with the war and simply “turned it off.”**

• • The Moon’s Final Intervention: The Words That Ended It All**

Realizing that Earth—and possibly the entire cosmos—was **seconds away from imploding**, **the Moon took action**. Deploying a fleet of **superstellar ships**, it broadcast a final transmission across the galaxy:

“Stop the freaking—it’s a shame, lil bro.”**

These words, so powerful and incomprehensible, reverberated across space, **shattering the morale of every remaining soldier**. The war **ended immediately**, as warriors, generals, and political leaders alike stared at their screens in confusion, nodded, and **agreed to just go home**.

Thus, the **Germanic-Mongol Xenowar** came to a chaotic and unforeseen end.

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• • The Legacy of Xenowar: Mysteries That Remain**

Even today, historians struggle to **pinpoint its true timeline**, theorizing that it ended **somewhere between 9000 and 10,000 years ago**. Among modern scholars, **two key hypotheses dominate discussions**:

1. **The Thus-Ken Thesis** – which suggests the war was caused by **intergalactic miscommunication, mass hysteria, and extreme pettiness**. 2. **The Ancient Alien Hypothesis** – which argues that **hyper-advanced extraterrestrials orchestrated events purely for their own entertainment**.